Hey NFL, I’ve Got Suggestions.

The new NFL logo went into use at the 2008 draft.

Image via Wikipedia

It is Super Bowl week. On Sunday, millions will watch the Packers and Steelers settle weeks of buildup when they play in Super Bowl XLV. Millions more will watch just for the ads. The NFL has built a great marketing machine.

Some might label it perfect.

Even the greatest can use improvement. So, if you’re paying attention in the National Football League offices, I’ve got some ideas to help you out. Some of these can be implemented for this week’s game, but you’re going to have to get moving.

Ditch The Roman Numerals

Corner stone

Hey, NFL, what does this say? Yeah, neither do I (Image by amy_kearns via Flickr)

Very few of us have been given any instruction in Roman numerals since the third grade. They don’t mean anything to us. They don’t add anything to the game.

Actually, I know you’re doing it to get the growing Roman Centurion market. Perhaps you should have the games broadcast in Latin. A friend suggested to me that the scoreboard be modified to the score is in Roman numerals. I like that idea. I think you should go one step further, a digital Roman numeral clock to keep the game time.

Or you could just drop the pretentious use of Roman Numerals.

Celebrity Sightings In The Stands

NYC signing September 1,2009 Nintendo Store - NYC

How high can you count? (Image via Wikipedia)

The average person knows they will never attend a Super Bowl game. We’ve all adjusted to that fact and continue to love the game despite that knowledge. It doesn’t help us to maintain that goodwill to have to see and hear from the people you choose to let attend the game.

We all know you’re going to let in Justin Bieber this year. He is the flavor of the year, his presence is inevitable. I am telling you NFL, if your broadcast partner chooses to show him and go get his opinion on the game it will infuriate people and damage the goodwill you’ve built.

There are tons of us who’d love to be at the game. Don’t rub salt in the wound by showing us that our seats are taken up by some piece of fluff.


Bruce Springsteen (with Max Weinberg in backgr...

Bruce and Max and just getting warmed up after an hour. (Image via Wikipedia)

You’re in a tough spot here. You’ll never pick a band for halftime entertainment that will make everyone happy.

A few years ago, I was very happy when I heard that Bruce Springsteen was performing at the game. Others were not as thrilled. This year I am in the unhappy group. I’ve no interest in seeing the Black Eyed Peas. I will be going out to pick up pizza while they are on.

You still have an opportunity to make everyone happy here. The solution is simple. Make halftime an hour long. Why? I’ll tell you why.

Making halftime one hour long gives you one full hour of the undivided attention of the demographic of the band you choose. You can sell advertising to companies who will know they’re selling to the precise population they seek. Additionally, you’ll give those of us without interest in seeing the half time show the ability to get our pizza and be back on our couches in time for the second half of the game.

It isn’t too late to get this done for the game on Sunday. It shouldn’t take The Black Eyed Peas that long to learn to lip sync a few more songs.

Hey, NFL – call me. I can make you successful.

39 Comments on “Hey NFL, I’ve Got Suggestions.”

  1. IzaakMak says:

    Great advice, and they need all the help they can get! 😀

    BTW, how did you customize the email notification for this post? None of the wording was from the post itself, which is cool, because I really hate what WP “chooses” for me!

    • omawarisan says:

      They do need the advice, they’re really kind of a failing organization. I dont mind helping.

      When you write your post, if you put something in that excerpt section it comes out like you’re seeing…I think!

  2. Laura says:

    Careful — extending the length of the halftime show could backfire on you. The longer the halftime break is, the more people will feel confident that they can get pizzas during the break, which could result in longer lines and delays at the pizza place.

  3. thejaggedman says:

    Last year I watched because of New Orleans was a great feel good story.This year it should be a war so I will watch because of the teams playing. That hasn’t always been the case. The ads will be an added bonus this year. And you are right about fluff taking up space where a real fan should be. Now I am going to work on my dance moves. Maybe Bieber can use a back up dancer………

  4. Z.N. Singer says:

    Brace yourself for serious culture shock out of left field but…I don’t HAVE a television. Hence, I do not watch the Superbowl in any form (I have been known to occasionally consume large bowls of Reeses Puffs, but I’m pretty sure a bowl being consumed from by two teams at once, all weighing in over two hundred fifty pounds, is on a whole other level). Nor do I have to endure it being watched in my house by other family members while I try to drown out the sounds in another room. I am truly blessed. But this was still funny ^_^

  5. Katybeth says:

    The celebrity sightings and the Budweiser commercials….make the Super Bowl bearable some years.
    I like the idea of picking the best of the high school/college bands to perform at the Super Bowl. Proud parents and grandparents that would not be going pizza. Proud memories for the kids performing–on the other hand considering how many band candy bars I would be buying–never mind.
    The Roman Numerals? I agree-lose them.

  6. A Girl Named Jake says:

    Once upon a time, long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I saw the Packers play the Patriots in New Orleans. If you own Mary Chapin Carpenter’s “Party Doll and Other Favorites,” listen for my background vocals on “Down at the Twist and Shout.”

    ZZ Top also performed at halftime. Lots and lots of Harley Davidsons — loud and very smoky — entered the closed Super Dome as part of the act.

    You may remember it. That was the year the crowd was overcome by carbon monoxide poisoning. Fortunately for me, my date didn’t care for football, so we left after halftime and were spared the horror.

    I believe that was Super Bowl XQVLCiii.

    Good times.

    • omawarisan says:

      Hi Jake.

      He wanted to leave at half time? He should never be allowed to go again. Ever. In fact, you should have been allowed to pick a new date at the game (should you have found someone fitting) and he should have been placed on the next Trailways bus out of town.

      I did wonder why the third quarter of that game was in slow motion, now I know.

  7. Betty says:

    I only watch the Super Bowl (hey, wait, aren’t we supposed to call it the “Big Game” if we’re not some official arm of the NFL?) when I’m in a football pool. So, I will be watching this year. But not halftime. BEPs suck. Bring back Bruuuuuce.

  8. Where do you get your pizza? I’ll meet you there. Maybe we can grab a drink, too, if the Black Eyed Peas stretch it out a bit.

  9. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    I’m a hater of football. There, I’ve said it. I got invited to a Superbowl party and I’m wondering if they’ll be offended if I show up with a book and earplugs. I could make an exception, Oma, if you’re serving canadian ham and pineapple pizza. Perhaps if they bring back the halftime tradition of the wardrobe malfunction, I’d at least watch that part. I suppose I could TIVO it and then just watch the commercials. I’m with you on the Justin Bieber thing. Want a mass riot? Invite that vapid little boy. I know sheepdogs with more talent and better grooming.

  10. Todd Pack says:

    I’ll probably watch some of the game, but I really don’t care who wins, and I really don’t care about the commercials, and I really, really don’t care about the Black Eyed Peas. Does this make me a bad person?

  11. planetross says:

    -There should be quarter-time shows as well! … why stop at half-time!
    -I’m pretty sure the first 5 Superbowls didn’t use Roman numerals … or involve the Seattle Seahawks: they must have hired some Romans after that … and Seattle became crappy.
    -Why did you have to put in a picture of Justin Bieber?

    The last time I actually watched a Superbowl was in Chile in 2006. I can’t remember who was playing, but I lost about $10 on bets … and was with all guys! … boo!

  12. I think they should just have four hours of lame entertainment and commercials and periodically report the score. After all, does the game matter at all?

  13. Well of course they have to invite Justin Bieber…he inspired golden boy Tom Brady’s hair for the entire season! Blech!

    I’m starting to save for the Superbowl that’s being held in New York in 2014 (?…2013?). Can’t miss the Bowl if it’s in Ian’s hometown…plus, it might actually be a feasible vacation with 3-4 years of saving. I’ll let you know in 2014 if my plan works…

  14. educlaytion says:

    Great suggestions! I especially like the one about getting celebrities to talk about the game. And for halftime, why even have music? Let’s go completely original and mix it up. Maybe a magic show with wild animals. Then the whole Latin-coliseum-gladiatorial combat theme will be complete. Maybe they can combine the cast of Jersey Shore with a disappearing/carnivorous animal act.

  15. spencercourt says:

    Hmmmm…since I don’t watch football, it may be great day for a movie – few will be there.

  16. Abe's Blog says:

    I am one of those strange (yet very manly) men who does not watch football. But I do like the commercials. Also, I like Justin Beiber.
    No. I don’t.

  17. They could quite possibly think about lowering the price of Super Bowl tickets to near regular season prices. I find it very contradictory that they claim to be “all about the fans” yet the average Joe or Jane can’t afford to get a decent seat at the big game without having to sacraficing their first born and a small goat. It’s kinda ridiculous. 1000 bucks to watch the game in the parking lot? Seriously?

    I’m actually pleasantly surprised a Superbowl post has attracted more haters of the game than those who like it. I’ll have you all know that the Jolie enjoyed rather enjoyed it. Course I can’t condone her actions yesterday but that’s another story… ;p

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