I Think I Wrote This, But I Don’t Remember The TitlePosted: February 3, 2011
If you sat and talked with people who know me, you’d probably get a lot of different opinions and stories.
But no matter who or how many people you talked to, if you asked them about my memory they would all reach a consensus. I don’t actually have a memory.
I am ridiculously forgetful concerning things that matter. I can’t remember names. Holidays and birthdays pass without my realizing it. Administrative tasks at work would never get done if I didn’t keep notes to remind me.
On the other hand, when recalling something is of no true benefit to me or society I have no issue with my memory. My head is full of useless information. I can look at a picture of the 1970 Baltimore Orioles and name them all. I know obscure song lyrics. Scraps of science and history. Pop culture. In choosing teams for trivia contests, I should always be chosen first. I am a vault of pointless information.
But I have to keep a note with my parents’ birthdays on it.
The Benefits Of Forgetfulness
You might be wondering how you too can receive the gift of forgetfulness that I possess. Does it take a blow to the head, or a steady diet of lead paint chips to achieve my inability to recall? Those things may be helpful, but I don’t really remember if they are what did the job for me.
I will tell you that you should very seriously consider the consequences of forgetfulness before you decide to bounce your cranium off the corner of the dining room table. Forgetting isn’t all fun and games, if I’m remembering right.
People are not always enamored with my lack of memory. It takes time to bring me up to speed on things I forget that we’ve already talked about. Before I took to keeping a list of tasks at work, I learned that my bosses were not impressed by missed deadlines.
I think people can tell when I am introducing them to others so they will have to say their name because I don’t remember it. They also don’t like me telling them things I have already said; I hear “you told me that before” a lot.
I Can Surprise Myself
I don’t want you to think that forgetfulness is all bad. Because things slip away from me, I am very easy to entertain. I don’t remember punch lines or jokes. You can tell me the same story you did last week, I won’t mind. People never run out of things to say to me. If they get close to feeling awkwardly quiet, they can just start the conversation over at the beginning.
It is not unusual for me to take some pants out of the dresser, put them on and find $20 in the pocket. This is always a treat. It is like giving myself a gift, and I’m surprised by my generosity.
Surprising myself is not always fun. It can also be scary.
I was going through an old notebook before getting rid of it. In the margin of one of my drafts is a note “idea: no more Christmas parade.” I have no idea why I wrote that. I like parades. I like Christmas. At least I think I do.
Maybe there was some sort of incident at the parade last year. November was a long time ago; maybe I won a local election and have concerns about the town affording the parade. Could I be part of some anti-parade conspiracy?
Be Part Of The Solution
The disease of forgetfulness has taken over my life.
I contacted Jerry Lewis and he agreed to do a telethon to raise money for forgetfulness research. I think it will bring in millions
You can help me and others like me. Be sure to watch The Jerry Lewis Forgetfulness Telethon on Valentine’s Day Weekend. Wait, Valentines isn’t on a weekend, is it. Maybe it was St. Patrick’s day weekend…no, not a weekend either.
Maybe you could call me if you see it on?