When I Am Rich: My Mariachi Band
Posted: April 4, 2011 Filed under: Foolishness, When I Get Rich | Tags: bad ideas, Cheap Trick, comedy, humor, James Brown, Johnny Cash, mariachi, mariachi band, music, postaweek2011, wealth, when i am rich 49 Comments
My band will be able to play tequila too. No big deal. (Image via Wikipedia)
Long time readers of Blurt know that I am carefully planning how to foolishly spend the vast income this blog affords me. Spending this windfall ridiculously is a responsibility I take seriously.
I’ve decided that it would be a good idea for me to have a mariachi band. Let me clarify that. I don’t want to be in a mariachi band. My intent is to retain a mariachi band as part of my entourage.
My Mariachi
My mariachi band will be called Los Gatos Domésticos Gigante Del Mariachi – The Giant House Cats Of Mariachi.
Yeah man, jam on that big guitar! (Image by Nick Sherman via Flickr)
Los Gatos will be a full scale mariachi band, with horns, violins, a singer and of course, a guy who plays that big guitar. They will always be dressed in big sombreros and matching sequined suits.
My band will know all your favorite mariachi songs, plus all their own original material . In addition, they will use the ample practice time I provide them to work up covers of your rock and R&B favorites. Imagine a mariachi version of the James Brown classic, Please Please Please, Johnny Cash’s I Still Miss Someone or Steve Miller Band’s The Joker.
Yes, it will be as cool as you imagine it, and more.
How Will I Use My Mariachi?
Let’s talk about the “and more”. I have a lot of ideas for my band.
How cool will it be when I make an entrance with my band? The door would fly open, the band would file in and play a jaunty little tune and then I’d walk in. I haven’t decided whether it would be best to have a theme song that the mariachi would play or whether they’d play a different song for each entrance.
Having the mariachi band would also be helpful in keeping in touch with friends. Suppose I hadn’t heard from a friend in a while. I could wake up one morning, gather my mariachi and tell them to head to the airport. They’d land at the closest airport, rent a van, and be on my friend’s doorstep early on a Saturday morning. When he woke to a mariachi version of one of Cheap Trick’s greatest hits, my buddy would know who sent these rocking muchachos.
Of course, Los Gatos Domésticos Gigante Del Mariachi would be available to all of you, at no charge, for gatherings at your home. I’d make sure they get to the gig on time, you’d just have to make sure they’ve got someplace to get dressed before the party and give them a ride back to the airport the next day. I will admit that I may take advantage of the situation and crash your party. I’ll have a bunch of money and time to burn, so I’ll probably show up to drink some of your beer and eat your appetizers.
My mariachi band would be the coolest. Other ridiculously rich people would talk the idea down, until they saw how well it worked out for me. Soon, they’d all want to know how I got the band together. I wont tell.
See you at the fiesta.
Blurt 
So will Mariachi be the official genre of your Administration? Will Los Gatos Domésticos Gigante Del Mariachi hold a cabinet position?
Good question. Mariachi will be one of the genre supported by my administration, but not the only one. While the band won’t have a position in the administration, the big guitar guy will have a job because he is the big guitar guy
But if you send your band to people’s houses, will you then be unable to leave your place because the band wont’t be there to play you into a new room?
No, its cool. I’d keep them with me when there was an event I felt really strongly about being mariachied in to. Besides, if it happens every time I show up it will lose its cool factor too fast
Too true…cool factor is not an issue to be messed with.
I always wanted one of those big bass guitars like they play in mariachi bands. It’s better than a regular electric bass, and hipsters haven’t discovered it yet, like they have the upright bass.
We could form a band, I could learn ukelele!
Hang on, I just asked about the uke below. I taught myself, so you can, too.
I would like to audition for the band. I play the accordion and am a world class whistler……please advise when auditions begin so that I can update my passport. please send down payment for the airfare.
With all due respect, I’m going to say no. I’ve seen you wear some crazy stuff but I’m cutting you off before you get to the sombrero
Hi there,
I’m new to your blog, and I couldn’t help but suggest that for grand entrances your mariachi band should play the theme to 2001 Space Odyssey. Or possibly the theme to Star Wars. Either way, it’d be cool.
Well I’m glad youre here!
2001 would be good, maybe a big special event song?
I hope this works out better for you than it did for Linda Ronstadt. I still want to be the egg shaker girl. Can I, can I, please, huh, can I???
I’m not sure youre ready to commit to the sombrero. Also, in the spirit of the big guitar, would you be willing to consider one really big egg?
If I had money to burn I would have a wing onto my house (ranch style mansion of course) for big guitars and sombreros. I would humbly request you and your entourage open for it’s dedication. I would even have a section in the wing in honor of your blog posts. Nice read and keep them coming God knows I need em!
Thank you sir, I’ll keep scrawling this stuff. You can count on Los Gatos being there for the opening. Would you look into hotels in the area? Sometimes the boys blow off some steam after a gig and I dont want it to happen at your place.
It sounds to me as if you have a lead for your next “cover of the month” post. Wonder if there is a mariachi band covering The Clash?
Jose Strummer?
A mariachi band. My uncle was in one–or lead one-or owned one…I have no idea how it works. I do know they were at every family event. EVERY EVENT. The only place a mariachi band should play is after a wedding and before the reception as the bride and groom leave the church. The end.
One Ton Tomata…..which is what I would have like to have thrown on occasion.
♥
Yeah, you say that now, but you’ll be looking for them at Cole’s graduation…and they’ll be there.
I have a Gato Domestico Gigante you can have for your band. Use her to play any instrument you choose (I have a feeling she will be equally adept at them all) and send her wages to me.
It would be kind of ironic to see a cat playing a violin.
I was going to say you should have your own theme song, but then it occurred to me you’d be hearing it all the time, which could be annoying. But a theme song is really cool. Maybe you should have a theme song, but whenever your mariachi band plays it, you should put on headphones and listen to something different.
I have a similar concern, but I wonder if the annoyance is outweighed by the knowledge that people who are hearing my song are wishing they’d picked it.
Love it! So are you sending out invites or can we just crash the fiesta?
Oh you can just fall by, but remember that Los Gatos are available for parties at your place too!
I don’t sprechen no Espanol but I play a mean ukulele…and sort of sing (at least I’m loud). Will you hire me?
Well one of us should be loud.
What if you filled in for them when I send them on the road?
Absolutely. Ask any of my friends, I’m there to rock a uke any time (only, I don’t play “uke” songs…).
You’re going to need a really big box (with airholes) to send those guys up here…just tell them to be really quiet at customs…
Wendy
No worries, I’ll send them in the blimp.
Have the band play something different for each entrance. (Too many of the rich and famous have their own themes–think Gilligan and Mr. Ed.)
That way, both you and your fans will be surprised each time you show up. This method will require that you pay attention to your surroundings, however.
Maybe it could be sort of themed to what I’m up to at that point, sort of like when people make their entrances onto late night talk shows and the band plays something sort of related.
Like when Warren Zevon was dying and made his last appearance on Letterman and the band played “I’ll sleep when I’m dead”…except not that.
Hee . . .hee . . .hee . . .Perfect!
Oh…my…I am at a loss. I have just forced my love for all things Robert Rodriguez on my friend and we have spent the last week watching every movie he has made. So please tell me your Mariachis will have guns. Just think of the entrance you would make. If not guns, you should at least require that the big guitar case has wheels and explodes. Please.
I like the exploding big guitar case idea, especially during the big guitar solo in the middle of their set.
YEeesssss…that’s the stuff!
Can I borrow your Mariachi band for my funeral?
Of course. The trumpet player does really good eulogies.
When and if the Jolie makes it my way, I would like the Cats to accompany her. There will be a party.
There is no if, there is only when.
I can’t wait til your rich. It can’t happen soon enough if you ask me. I’ll be that girl riding your coattails.
Sounds good. We will both be blog wealthy and excessive.
There should be a Mariachi band song called, “Sombrero, Sombrehi”.
… a snappy dance routine with the band twisting and then standing on their toes would be cool!
Would they have to wear those ballet shoes to be able to stand on their toes?
Would you consider a slight change to the name? Replace “Gigante” with “Gordo” so the name will be: The Fat House Cats of Mariachi….
I like the way you think. Wealth is wasted on the uncreative.
[…] this blog a mix of decadence and practicality. Some people might think it pure excess to have my own mariachi band and my own blimp. Today, I move to the extreme, with an idea that completely lacks practicality. […]
[…] been my only goal. I’m working toward other important goals, like owning a blimp and having my own mariachi band. What I’m talking about is my most important […]