My Online Press ConferencePosted: April 6, 2011
Today, I am holding my first online press conference. I will enter the room at the appointed time and respond to your questions following a prepared statement.
Please, take your seats ladies and gentlemen as we switch to our reporter in the Press Room at Blurt World Headquarters who will set the stage for us.
The Part Where You Can Tell Someone Else Is Talking Because It Is In Italic
A hush falls over the crowd in the press room at Blurt World Headquarters. A door opens at the end of a long hall. Omawarisan steps out and begins walking toward the press room. He is wearing an unbuttoned baseball jersey over a t-shirt and jeans.
The hallway is really long.
While Omawarisan is making his way to the press room, let me remind you that Omawarisan has published Blurt since February, 2009. He hides his identity behind a cartoon robot, though he freely admits he is neither a robot nor a cartoon. Some who know him might tell you he is cartoonish.
He did not anticipate when he chose the name Omawarisan to write under that readers would shorten it to Oma. Nor did he know that Oma is what people in the Midwest US and in certain other countries call their grandmother. To avoid embarrassing scenes, staffers at Blurt Headquarters have taken it upon themselves to remind first time visitors that their boss is not a grandmother
Omawarisan is still walking down the hall. He is walking at a normal pace, but the hall is extremely long. Some would say that this impractical hallway is a metaphor for the strange fantasy world this character lives in. Sources say that Oma believes that this ridiculously long hallways is a metaphor for his complete lack of training as an architect and urges all who want to build a world headquarters of their own to consult a professional architect.
Oma has now entered the room, smiling and waving to some familiar faces in the crowd before stepping to the podium. He is now about to address the room in the powerful, room filling voice that he is known for.
My Voice Is Not Italic
Good morning everyone, thank you for coming. I have intended to have this press conference for some time but the carpet was not ready in the hallway until last weekend. I guess that’s what I get for going with the low bidder on this building.
I want to start out by thanking the readers and subscribers to the site for continuing to come back and reading what I toss out there. You’re very kind to do so. I also owe some of my fellow bloggers an apology. Bloggers bestow awards upon each other and my peers have given me several over the past year that I’ve failed to acknowledge. I’m sorry about that, it’s just that I was working so hard to get the carpet contractors in here that I forgot to say thank you. Thank you.
I’m holding this press conference because I think that most people who hold this sort of event really have nothing to say and don’t know what they’re talking about. If having nothing to say and knowing even less is a qualification for holding a press conference, who is more qualified than I am?
I’ll answer your questions in the order they appear, up until the next Blurt post appears. Follow-up questions are welcome. Do not feel constrained to topics you have reason to believe I know about.
OK, first question…