The Beginning Of The End Of The Donald Trump Campaign

I make it a point to avoid politics. I was taught at a young age that politicians are suspect characters on their best days. I’ve never met a politician on their best day.

Donald Trump

Goodbye! (Image by Gage Skidmore via Flickr)

Despite my effort to remain apolitical, a recurring story in the US political news has caused me some concern. Apparently, Donald Trump is preparing to run for president. I have a hard time thinking of someone more despicable than Mr. Trump. After consulting some high level political minds, I realize that I must do something more than use my one vote.

That something starts today. I am announcing that I am running for president in direct opposition to Donald Trump.

I Am The Anti-Trump

Let me clarify my candidacy. I am in this race to drive Trump out. Once he is out of the race, either by removing himself from consideration or by being defeated, I will drop out of the race and allow one of the usual breed of suspect characters to win the election.

My candidacy is not about President Obama nor any of the passel of people who are certain they should be the one to replace him. This campaign is me and Donnie Boy, one on one. The success of my campaign will be judged by his now inevitable failure. When he leaves the race, we will know I have won.

Enough About Him, Let’s Talk About Me

Qadhafi in Damascus 5

Just remembered he left his wallet in his other robe. (Image by Ammar Abd Rabbo via Flickr)

Trump is someone who is known to most anyone who has a pulse. He owns buildings, beauty pageants and television shows. He commands an astronomic speakers fee for his appearances. He recently said he “screwed” Muammar Qadhafi, as if doing the same thing the Libyan leader’s nurses are purported to do distinguishes him as a world leader.

Oh, yeah, and he is detestable.

On the other hand, I don’t own much. My most successful public venture consists of mailing a facsimile of Angelina Jolie to strangers. I have no speakers fee. I will address any group in exchange for having my travel expenses covered and meeting a few nominal requirements.

Tools Shouldn’t Rule

When it comes to the moment when you are alone in the voting booth and have to decide whether to vote for me or Donnie Boy, I would like you to answer one question. That question is not which of us has the most money or which has the most ridiculous hair. Clearly both those questions go the Don-meister’s way.

Ask yourself, “who is a bigger tool, Trumpy-poo, or Omawarisan?” When you answer that question, factoring in the number of things each of us has named after ourselves, I believe it is apparent my opponent is a tremendous tool and not worthy of your vote.

When I Win

Let’s face it, when I defeat him, Trump is not going to announce “the people have spoken and I hear them saying that Omawarisan is the better man in the race.” He isn’t classy enough to do that. Even if he was, his voice is sufficiently irritating that I wouldn’t enjoy it.

No, we all know he won’t acknowledge me even when I vanquish him. I don’t need Trump’s validation my friends. I just need your vote to help send him away.

Please keep my campaign slogan in mind:

Omawarisan 2012.

He’s not nearly the tool Don is.


51 Comments on “The Beginning Of The End Of The Donald Trump Campaign”

  1. Vote for Oma! He’s Anti-tool!
    Politics is full of Tools for sure, I think its a prerequisite.
    This I’m afraid, is why you won’t win, although I will campaign until the bitter end for a non-Tool president!
    You’ve proven your health is good enough to withstand extra ordinarily long walks down long hallways and you are awesome at answering the worlds unanswered questions. You have my vote!

    • omawarisan says:

      Thank you ma’am. For being the first commenter, you can be the one who pulls the thing that lets all the balloons fall from the ceiling at the victory party.

  2. Wendi says:

    Oma 2012…because he’s classy like that.

  3. I’d vote for you over Trump and I don’t even know you.

  4. writerdood says:

    Good luck to you. I look forward to the inevitable flash videos of Omwarisan vs. Trump. I will happily provide links to them and/or put them in a blog. Yippee kay yay!

  5. Omawarison says:

    I’ll add on to that comment.
    Omawarisan for president 2012. He is pulling no shenanagains.

  6. dailygazing says:

    I dunno. You sound good but what does your hair look like? I’m partial to the comb over. Come visit my site for combover instructions. 🙂

  7. kim says:

    What party will you be running under? Will you have more of a platform or just stick with not being a tool? How will you style your hair? When you beat him will you say, “You’re fired!”? Just curious. You already have my vote and I have an entire box of bendy straws I would like to donate.

    • omawarisan says:

      I will run as a candidate for the surprise party, or maybe the birthday party…or both!

      My platform will stick strictly to the not a tool message. Am I everyone’s cup of tea? No, but I’m not a tool either, and I don’t like tea.

      Just leave the straws on stage and let me know what time I should be on the plane.

  8. Katybeth says:

    You have my vote and complete support. The Donald is a Quack.
    Just don’t fly in or out of Chicago during rush hour.

  9. madtante says:

    I was trying to remember the other day…I know we have write-in blanks during primaries but I don’t think they allow that on the “real” vote. With proper marketing, you may get the write-in votes!

  10. spencercourt says:

    But if you withdraw after crushing the Donald in a tsunami of populist support, how can I ride your coattails to the job of my dreams…Secretary of Poker?

    I’ll still vote for you. Come up with a fancy banner we can put on our blogs…. (I suggest just stealing one of those North Korean posters of the masses proclaiming the greatness of the Dear Leader and inserting your own name and photo using Photoshop. After all, the Dear Leader is counterfeiting our money; may as well grab his posters.

    • omawarisan says:

      Think of it as sort of a car race drafting kind of thing. By the time I beat Donnie, your momentum will be unstoppable. You’ll be ruling on permissible sunglasses and chip sizes in no time!

  11. We found him Captain!! says:

    I think you should run against Trump as the PISSER Party candidate. Because you are a real “PISSER”.
    I volunteer to be your campaign manager. I’m making several campaign slogan signs for our headquarters. How about Vote for a real PISSER! Vote for Omawarisan for President……. Another one reads……It’s Like a Surprise Party for Pissers….Join the PISSERS & Vote for Omawarisan. He’s a real PISSER!

  12. Laura says:

    I think you’re a shoo-in, for two reasons:

    1. I’ve heard your radio clip and seen Trump’s TV show. My policy, which I’m sure is shared by many people, is to vote for the candidate who sounds less like a cranky 3-year-old in need of a nap, so you’ll get a bunch of votes there.

    2. I’m sure lots of people will see Oma on the ballot and think they’re voting for their grandmother.

  13. shoutabyss says:

    I’ll nominate you for the WordPress Fees Are Too Damn High Party.

  14. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    You are not a tool. And you could be sporting a divit on top of your head and I’d still vote for you. Everything you’ve said in every post has been far more lucid than anything Trump has ever said. People all over the country would vote for you, knowing full well that everyone could be a better candidate than bad hair and mean lips.

  15. Abe's Blog says:

    Good luck. Work on pursing your lips or… I don’t know. You need some kind of facial tick or something. And shave your head.
    If you don’t win, you can always run as his Vice-President. They have waaay more fun anyway!

  16. Please don’t run, Donald Trump. You’ve had your publicity for your fake campaign, now please leave us alone.

  17. If I voted in the U.S., Oma, I’d vote for you. Even though I’ve never actually seen you, I’m sure your hair is better than The Donald’s!


  18. Todd Pack says:

    Is anyone else depressed that the Donald is leading any major party’s presidential poll?

    • omawarisan says:

      I’m stunned. How do people not see him for the joke he is?

      • shoutabyss says:

        The poll is meaningless. Right now he’s surfing the popularity wave. Later, when the chips are down and stuff gets more serious, the polling data will become more accurate. Until then, he gets a little more time in the spotlight to puff up his ego.

  19. Pammy Girl says:

    What kind of hair do you have? As long as it looks better than Donald’s “comb over”, you’ve got my vote.

  20. Thypolar says:

    Okay, I received the check in the mail yesterday. You’ve secured my vote.

    *what? I wasn’t suppose to mention the check.*

  21. jammer5 says:

    I have it on good authority trumpets hair is actually a symbiotic creature working in concert with trumpets brain in an attempt to rule the world. I know this because chuck norris has the same idea, and have you ever seen his hair? And look what it did to chuck. Both turned to the birther dark side. It’s a conspiracy. I’m voting the Omawarisan with no reservations.

    • jammer5 says:

      And actually it was the county that didn’t let Gaddafi use the land: it violated a county ordinance. So again trumpet is lying to further his run.

  22. pienbiscuits says:

    I’ve always found his hair ridiculous (with all that money, hasn’t he even considered a transplant?). For that reason alone, you have my vote. Oma for president!

  23. […] dipped my toe in politics. Some of you may remember that I ran for president against Donald Trump. I announced my candidacy. A few weeks later, the Trump campaign went into a tail spin. A week later, I drove him out of the […]

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