Can I Stop Mowing Now?

I remember watching my grandfather cut the grass. I was little and I thought it was cool. The mower was noisy and stuff shot out of the side. I didn’t have anything that noisy or that shot stuff out of the side. He wouldn’t let me use the mower because it was dangerous. I still wanted to, but I didn’t want to cross the man.  Between the not crossing my grandfather thing, and the not being big enough to start the mower thing, my lawn mowing career didn’t start until my family moved to another state.

Reel lawn mower

Image via Wikipedia

The house my parents rented had a really tiny yard. The landlord provided one of those reel lawnmowers, the kind with no motor. I convinced my mother I couldn’t hurt myself with it and she let me drag it out into the yard. The experience was very unsatisfying. Nothing shot out the side. It just made a terrible squeal and I could barely push it.

Even with the tiny yard I had to mow, it seemed to take forever. I got bored quickly. Halfway through my first grass cutting job, I was ready for my mowing career to be over. It wasn’t.

Innovation In Lawn Mowing Entertainment

'Audition' brand pocket transistor radio

Image via Wikipedia

My family’s next yard was considerably bigger. We got a noisy mower that shot stuff out of the side. I was eager to get started, but halfway through the first noisy mow on that lawn I was ready to not mow ever again. Sadly, I had to finish the job and keep doing it, week after week.

To combat the boredom, I hung a transistor radio from the handle of the mower. It worked like a charm, until I started the mower.

Over the years, my family moved to larger yards and owned several different mowers. I worked on better and better entertainment systems for the mowers. I was particularly proud of the Walkman tape player suspended by a bicycle inner tube to keep the mower vibrations from messing up the cassette mechanism.

Now I have my own mower and my own yard to cut. My iPod cuts out the noise, I’ve got thousands of songs to choose from. I still don’t like cutting the grass. I remain ready to never mow the yard again. Sadly, it seems like I’m going to be continuing to mow my grass and that of the foreclosed house next door for a while.

Does anyone know how I can run a flat screen television off my lawn mower’s engine?


40 Comments on “Can I Stop Mowing Now?”

  1. jacquelincangro says:

    What about a tiny droid to do the mowing for you? Then you can enjoy the iPod, flat screen and a drink with a little umbrella in it while “you” mow.

  2. I can’t help you with the technical question about the flat screen, but I can suggest you hire a kid to mow your lawn for you…you know…somebody who still gets excited about the stuff that shoots out the side?

    Is Omawarison coming home for the summer? Maybe he’d be up for the task!


    • Omawarison says:

      Haha. Only half of the summer.

      • omawarisan says:

        Hey…HEY…don’t jump in like that when I’m writing nice stuff about you.

        Just for that, bring cab fare with you on Wednesday. I’m not picking you up.

    • omawarisan says:

      The neighborhood is really weird. There was one generation of kids, the last of whom will be graduating this year and heading off to college. The whole area isnt emrty nest, it is empty tree.

      The Omawarisan will be home some this summer for a little bit. One session of summer school and an early return to the university to get ready for marching season. He’s busted his tail this year, I’ll go easy on him this summer if he’s going mow college down in his sophmore year like he has freshman.

  3. Katybeth says:

    Entertainment while mowing the grass? A flat screen TV? Boring is washing the same clothes over and over and over again YEAR AROUND.
    Ok. Sorry. The snow covering my grass has me crabby.
    Why not pretend the lawnmower is a high performance race car and you are on the verge of winning the most important race of your life! The stake are so high if you win you can (fill in the blank). The blank part is what keeps story entertaining week after week after week.
    I have to mosey on….

  4. madtante says:

    Remember those people in the 70s (hippies) who hooked up bikes to a tiny generator of some kind that powered a TV?

  5. Rob G says:

    I hear Snapper is coming out with a “Lawn Mowin’ Man” game. You can cut any lawn or expanse of grass in the US (as mapped by Google earth) using any of that company’s fine lawn maintenance products. You are going to love it!

    [Life sized tractor adaptor for Wii sold separately]

  6. Wendi says:

    Wish I had the answer for ya Oma. My solution came in the form of marriage. I cook; he mows.

  7. We found him Captain!! says:

    You can go to an Army-Navy surplus store and buy a WWII era flamethrower and cover your entire lawn from the front porch. You will be finished in 10 minutes and ready for an ice cold brew ski. The bonus to this method is that it will take at least 3 weeks before the grass grows back enough to be “flamed” again. Additionally, your neighbors will never bother you about anything after the first time you “flame” your lawn.

  8. Spectra says:

    If you could just train all of those backyard squirells to pull a mower as a team, hooked up to little harnesses… Instead of a carrot on a stick, peanut butter crackers should work. I imagine the whip would have to be really small, though. And then there’s the possibility of PETA showing up and throwing blood on your giant backyard flatscreen TV. Maybe if you explain you only intend to turn them into fur slippers for your wife “after” their useful careers had expired…

  9. Thypolar says:

    That’s one of the reasons why I had a boy first. He mows the lawn for me now 🙂 Yep, I cheated!

  10. pattypunker says:

    it’s like working out: no amount of distraction or noise reduction is going to make it any less boring. it’s time to stop spending money on audio/video devices and get a landscaper. you won’t regret it. i’ve never regretted the cleaning lady either.

  11. Todd Pack says:

    It isn’t just the mowing. It’s the mowing around trees and bushes then the trimming around the gas meter and edging along the sidewalk and drive way. If you have a mower that shoots clippings out the side, you have to rake or sweep them up. If you have a mower with a bag, you have to stop every 5 minutes and empty the thing into a city-approved organic lawn clipping bag.

    I hate mowing.

  12. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    This is the cure – it worked for me. I share it willingly. Kill the grass. Poison it or cover it with a dark canvas sheet or tarpaulin. Let the sun beat down on it for days. Do not water it. Do not talk to it unless you’re uttering, “Die, grass, die.” When it is dead, plant thyme and veronica in its place (or any groundcover native to your land there). Throw in some pretty bushes. You will never have to mow again. You can sit on your porch and listen to your music and watch the grass not grow!

    • omawarisan says:

      You know, I have had the idea to combine your grass killing idea with the only thing that I hate more than mowing, raking leaves. If I just never rake I should be grass free in about two years.

  13. thejaggedman says:

    I for one love to mow. I have a 1986 John Deere lawn tractor and a Craftsman Bushwhacker gas powered weed eater. I mow, the wife weed eats and life is good. I live in the country so I am not overly worried if my lawn is not “manicured”. Just cut and go. And my neighbors don’t care because they are donkey’s. Though I will say reel mowers scare me: No blade guards. I am an accident waiting to happen! I need built in redundant safety precautions man!

  14. At least your mowers aren’t trying to kill you:

  15. linlah says:

    I’m saddened when Scout mows the yard and uses the bag, I too like when the mower shoots stuff out the side, especially an undetected tennis ball.

  16. planetross says:

    I don’t mind mowing my lawn: it’s only 20 sqare metres.
    It should take 2 minutes, but the best mower I could find looks like it’s made out of Lego and cuts a swathe about 10 cm (4 inches) wide.
    It takes about 30 minutes.

    It still makes me feel like I’m doing something manly though.

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