Meeting Someone Who Really Does Not CarePosted: April 25, 2011
I’ve mentioned that, way back when, I had a mustache. Mentioning the mustache in the past tense implies that there came a day when we had a parting of our ways.
On the day that I sent my mustache off to make its way in the world without me, I thought it would be funny to take half of it off to see how I’d look. I trimmed it away and cleaned the shaving cream off my face. It did look pretty funny. Then I thought about the possibility of succumbing to some unforeseen medical condition and being found with half a mustache.
I’ve thought for some time that if people could laugh a lot at my funeral I could count myself as a success in life. But the thought of being struck down with half a mustache scared me; I didn’t want any cheap laughs while I was lying there boxed up. I grabbed the razor and quickly parted ways with the rest of the mustache.
I’m still kicking, no one is preparing a monologue for my funeral and my mustache is not coming back.
You’re Not Going To Believe This, But…
Yesterday I was driving through town and saw a man whose head and face was shaved clean on the left side. On the right, he had a mustache, beard and a normal growth of hair. I thought I was seeing things, but got a second look and confirmed it. I am having a hard time deciding if was going for the cheap laugh or he’s just really certain he doesn’t have an aneurism.
What made him decide to not finish shaving? Did he suddenly run out of energy? Perhaps he only had so much shaving cream. I toyed with the idea that the half shave was part of a cruelty inflicted upon him by some tormentor who threatened further savagery if he corrected it.
The cruel tormentor theory is obviously not valid. Anyone with a measurable amount of creativity would have put the half with facial hair on the opposite side from the section of scalp with hair.
Once, I’d convinced myself that I didn’t care what people think, but I’ve come to know myself better. Crossing paths with the half shaved man just made it clear to me. Now that’s a guy who really doesn’t care.
I don’t think I want to be that unaffected by other people. I like them too much.