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Meeting Someone Who Really Does Not Care

shaving cream leak

Image by williac via Flickr

I’ve mentioned that, way back when, I had a mustache. Mentioning the mustache in the past tense implies that there came a day when we had a parting of our ways.

On the day that I sent my mustache off to make its way in the world without me, I thought it would be funny to take half of it off to see how I’d look. I trimmed it away and cleaned the shaving cream off my face. It did look pretty funny. Then I thought about the possibility of succumbing to some unforeseen medical condition and being found with half a mustache.

I’ve thought for some time that if people could laugh a lot at my funeral I could count myself as a success in life. But the thought of being struck down with half a mustache scared me; I didn’t want any cheap laughs while I was lying there boxed up. I grabbed the razor and quickly parted ways with the rest of the mustache.

I’m still kicking, no one is preparing a monologue for my funeral and my mustache is not coming back.

You’re Not Going To Believe This, But…

Die Gartenlaube (1874) b 061

This has nothing to do with it. I just like the picture. But I would not like to see him eating lemon meringue pie (Image via Wikipedia)

Yesterday I was driving through town and saw a man whose head and face was shaved clean on the left side. On the right, he had a mustache, beard and a normal growth of hair. I thought I was seeing things, but got a second look and confirmed it. I am having a hard time deciding if was going for the cheap laugh or he’s just really certain he doesn’t have an aneurism.

What made him decide to not finish shaving? Did he suddenly run out of energy? Perhaps he only had so much shaving cream. I toyed with the idea that the half shave was part of a cruelty inflicted upon him by some tormentor who threatened further savagery if he corrected it.

The cruel tormentor theory is obviously not valid. Anyone with a measurable amount of creativity would have put the half with facial hair on the opposite side from the section of scalp with hair.

Once, I’d convinced myself that I didn’t care what people think, but I’ve come to know myself better.¬†Crossing paths with the half shaved man just made it clear to me. Now that’s a guy who really doesn’t care.

I don’t think I want to be that unaffected by other people. I like them too much.

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37 Comments on “Meeting Someone Who Really Does Not Care”

  1. Elly Lou says:

    I can’t believe you didn’t at least photo-document your half stash before lopping off the other half!

  2. We found him Captain!! says:

    This is the first time that I am first. So first of all let me say that being first is no big deal. I don’t feel any different than when I’ m not first.
    I understand what you are saying about shaving half of your face or mustache and I’m glad you decided to be normal and go with the majority. I just wanted to say I think I saw the hairy guy in your article a year ago, I was in Brooks Brothers the day he was in there buying the jacket he’s wearing in the photo.
    I have not been back to that store since then. I now buy my clothes at Men’s Wearhouse. They cater to a less hairy clientele, and they sell jackets with much narrower lapels.

    • We found him Captain!! says:

      WELL! I thought I was going to be first…. No wonder I don’ t feel any different I’ not first. I intend to sue…… Please advise who my lawyer should contact.

      • omawarisan says:

        Elly Lou, I was going to, but it was in the pre-cell phone days and i was worried I would expire before getting to a real camera.

        Capt, sue me, Elly Lou is good people.

  3. madtante says:

    Coworker recently showed me a photo of a young girl with that condition where they’re covered in hair. Disturbing.

    • omawarisan says:

      You should change jobs if that’s what’s going on!

      • madtante says:

        Hahaha! I didn’t mean THAT way…you’re so funny. If I could easily change jobs I would–for pay alone. There’s only 1/8 of us left over the past 3 years of lay-offs and they’ve nibbled away at our pay (about 1/3 if you count taking away the medical portion they used to pay to us old-timers and paid lunches…etc.).

  4. Betty says:

    If it was around Halloween, maybe I could understand doing something like that.

  5. I wore mismatched shoes one day. Is that the same thing?

    • omawarisan says:

      It depends, did you look down and mutter under your breath or did you look up like half shaved guy did and give someone the “yeah two different shoes, what about it?” look?

  6. Was it a pornstache? It was, wasn’t it?

  7. Spectra says:

    What is it about cops and mustaches?

    My oldest brother was a cop. Mustache.

    My 3 other brothers…not cops. No mustaches. (those hairy ‘soul patches’ mid-chin, that’s all)

    This sampling is all I need to prove a trend.

    • omawarisan says:

      I grew mine in college because, I don’t know. I kept it because I decided I didn’t look old enough to work without it.

      In truth, I looked not old enough with it.

  8. I’ve gone out with one hair-free arm and one not but half a hair-free face is intensely bizarre. Maybe he lost a bet?

  9. Katybeth says:

    LOL–you could do a great melodrama with the half shaven mustache.

    Show one side of your profile and you are the clean cut hero–the other side and you are the bad villain. A bow in your hair moving from side to side is the fair maiden….Here I will show you.

    Movement is made by turning head:

    Mustache (Left) You MUST PAY THE RENT (BOO-HISS)
    Bow (Left) But I can’t pay the rent
    Mustache (right) Don’t worry I will pay the rent (cheers)
    Bow (right) hands flutter right: My hero…

    Obviously this plot needs a little fleshing out…

  10. jaerae1971 says:

    Interesting. Very, very interesting.

  11. I used to care what people thought about me until I realized nobody thought about me. I had a goatee for two years and when I shaved not a single person said anything. My wife didn’t even notice for three days.

  12. linlah says:

    Autopsy, while I like to look at them this is the reason I don’t get a tattoo. Don’t be judging me while I’m dead.

    • omawarisan says:

      I know someone at the medical examiners office here. I am leaving town when my time comes. Nothing bad about the person, just some times you dont want to be around friends.

  13. planetross says:

    That guy must be in a vaudeville show. I’d say maybe a TV show, but I think Profiler was cancelled about 10 years ago.

    note: mugshots would be worse than dying like that.

  14. Todd Pack says:

    My guess is the half-shaven guy really, really, really wants attention, so you’d be doing him a favor if you just ignore him.

  15. Remember that guy who did “Endless Love” dressed as both Lionel Richie and Diana Ross at the same time in the ’80s (I looked everywhere for it, but couldn’t find a clip!)?…maybe he’s a relative…

    Wendy

  16. spencercourt says:

    In 8th grade, a classmate who was kinda weird anyway (he was Swiss) shaved his eyebrows off. He wanted to see what it would look like. Apparently, he didn’t like the look, because he went around all day with a hand’s thumb and index fingers spread out over the top of his eyes to hide his lack of eyebrows.

  17. maria says:

    I recall in the book The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat, Oliver Sacks wrote about a neurological condition where a particular patient always ate only half of their dinner. This was apparently because he/she couldn’t see the other half of it. Perhaps this man has a similar neurological condition and couldn’t see the other half of his own head!?

    Even if this is not the case, I think his hair cut reconfirms that the human brain is an odd thing!

    • omawarisan says:

      Welcome Maria.

      The brain is an odd thing and people apply it in strange ways.

      Did they solve that guys problem by telling him to switch sides of the table when he thought his plate was empty?

  18. Pauline says:

    “Yesterday I was driving through town and saw a man whose head and face was shaved clean on the left side. On the right, he had a mustache, beard and a normal growth of hair”

    If he had brain surgery on one side that might explain the baldness, but it doesn’t explain the lack of facial hair.

    Weird. One of the strangest men that I’ve ever seen had his nails groomed into manicured talons. He had a long beard and was wearing a suit, but had long fingernails that were perfectly groomed into claws!
    It creeped me out..

  19. maria says:

    I can’t remember all the details of that neurological case (and don’t have the book any more), but I think if they turned the plate so that he could see the rest of the meal, he still saw (and ate) only half of what was left. Don’t think they thought of sitting him on the other side of the table!


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