Five Routine Minutes: I Am Not A Navy (Nor Any Other Kind Of) Seal

Last week, the Omawari-son was home on a break from college. He and I went to a Jimmy Buffett concert. He is the coolest. Buffett is cool too, but not as cool as my son.

We visited a lot of friends at a couple tailgate parties. Some of them hadn’t seen the Omawari-son since he was in middle school. It was a treat to share a day with my friends and son.

A composite of many friends.

Enough about him, let’s talk about me.

I had on my 1938 San Francisco Seals baseball jersey. People were digging the shirt, as well they should. Ebbets Field Flannels owes me a commission on their sales from the east coast this week because I preached the gospel of their jerseys to many heathens who do not own one. Anyone looking for a really cool Father’s Day gift should order one. Anyone who is not a father should borrow a child, then just buy a jersey for themselves.

Cool shirt. Trouble making shirt.

During the opening act, two men and a woman who was married to at least one of them came up and we chatted. After a few minutes the men went and sat down and the woman stayed a little longer. She asked if I was a Navy Seal. I was stunned by the question. The only thing I have in common with the people who earn the honor of that title is that my ears are on the sides of my head just like theirs are.

I'm not so good at drawing ears.

I issued a strong denial.

The woman was persistent. During the concert she went past me to go get a beer that she really did not need. She asked if I was sure I was not a Navy Seal. I told her I was. She pointed out that my shirt did say Seals on it and that I have short hair. Both of those were true, but I was still sure. She wasn’t. I was disappointed on behalf of all real Seals.

Look, at least one of you was married to her. Is it too much to ask you to talk to her?

My son asked what was going on. I told him that the woman had identified me as a Navy Seal by my shirt and short hair. He had a great laugh about that.

I could find a blue pen, but there are no blond pens

The only kind of seal I may qualify to be balances a beach ball on his nose and eats buckets of fish. There were plenty of beach balls because it was a Jimmy Buffett concert.

I opted out of doing any balancing.

Omawarisan, marine wildlife artist. Yup. No, not that kind of marine.


48 Comments on “Five Routine Minutes: I Am Not A Navy (Nor Any Other Kind Of) Seal”

  1. Oma, I think you missed a golden opportunity to spin quite a yarn for she-who-had-too-many-adult-beverages.

  2. Spectra says:

    Pleasant reading, as always. But, are you SURE you’re not a navy seal? I mean, REALLY sure for sure? You know, you could be, If I just keep asking a few more times.

    I once had a Navy Seal for a roommate. He cheated the govt. on his housing allowance, and tried to get me to sign a false document to assist to that end. He stole cable (under my name) because he could. Within 2 hours of his theft, the Cable Guy showed up, wanting to “talk with me”, explaining it was illeagle and I could be prosecuted, etc. And Mister brave seal hid behind the door the whole time, shivering.

    A lawless man. Made a great blackened salmon on the barbie, though.

    • omawarisan says:

      Well, there is the shirt and the short hair. Also, I do have a couple hundred scuba dives under my belt. With that in mind, I’m still going with no.

      If I were though, I would be the kind that pays for cable, even though I hate cable. Are you listening Time Warner? And that isn’t some introductory rate hate.

  3. Todd Pack says:

    I think I understand why neither guy wanted to admit to being her husband.

  4. Katybeth says:

    Married to at “least one of them?” Time with your son, J.B., good friends, and a drunk wife clearly smitten with you mistakes you for a Navy Sea–sounds like you had a great time.
    The seal is cute but I think balancing a ball on your nose in your seal shirt would have been over I’m glad to here you opted out.

  5. We found him Captain!! says:

    When I was a little boy I had a sailor suit. Do I qualify as a navy seal now! Oh by the way I’m 74 years old…. Maybe I can be a navy walrus? My toes are stuck together, that proves I’m qualified. I have built on flippers.

  6. jacquelincangro says:

    If it looks like a seal and acts like a seal, it must be at a Jimmy Buffett concert.

    Or something like that.

  7. madtante says:

    She should hang out with the vet who claims I was in chorus with her. I’ve never been in chorus/ choir, although I’m happy enough to sing now.

    Maybe she was drunk. That may explain it.

  8. Laura says:

    Are there any longish gaps in your memory? If so, you probably are a Navy Seal on some ultra-secret mission, and your affinity for the Seals jersey is your subconscious trying to send you a message. Based on the movies I’ve seen, stuff like that happens all the time.

  9. Geez, Oma…I clicked on the link for that jersey…for $185, it should give you the ability to balance balls on your nose! Yikes!


    • omawarisan says:

      Oh I wont even pretend I don’t have to save my allowance to buy one, but they are so amazingly well done it is worth it to me. They also usually have some on sale for about half that.

  10. Amy says:

    Sounds like that old joke: If love is blind and God is love then Ray Charles is God. How can you argue with that kind of logic?

  11. Jeane says:

    Maybe you just don’t remember when you were a seal. Maybe you were so bad ass and high ranking they had to clear your memory so you wouldn’t take over the world. Maybe…just maybe…is anything coming back to you now?

  12. Are you sure you’re not a Navy Seal?

  13. In this lady’s defense, all Navy Seals wear t-shirts that read “Seals” when they are off duty and are required by law to deny they are Navy Seals the first ten times you ask them.

  14. xacrest says:

    I just had to say that I love your self-illustrated posts. You should copyright all drawings 😉

  15. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    Ah, the persistence of a drunk. She probably mistook the bbq grill for her hubby, too. Hope she made it home alright.

  16. Pauline says:

    Seems like quite a bizarre assumption just based on a baseball jersey and haircut.

    Was there something else in those drinks? 😉

  17. tattytiara says:

    Just be glad you weren’t wearing one of those novelty “female body inspector” t-shirts.

  18. Binky says:

    I thought all ex-seals were required to wear wetsuits at all times, just in case.

  19. I’m still catching up after being away, so I’m reading this post Osama. All I can say is that this post and the Jimmy Buffet concert are a pretty lame alibi for your true presence in Pakistan!

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