Yeah, It’s An Idea. Maybe Not The One I Need.

Retirement home (Israel, 2010)

Ideally, things will be a little more lively. (Image via Wikipedia)

I think I have mentioned that I will retire in about two years. If all goes according to plan, I’ll walk away from my job at 52 years old. That’s probably a good time for me to go. In my job, the competition never really ages.

Fortunately, they also don’t gain much in the way of guile.

All the same, 52 is way too young for me to stop working. I enjoy people too much to just walk away. Having a job to bring in supplemental income is a social and financial must for me. I’d give selected body parts to be paid to write, but since I don’t see that happening right off, I have to start thinking in other directions.

Epiphany Is Equal Parts Irritation And Encouragement

Hair Salon

What if...(Image by chrisinplymouth via Flickr)

I was riding around the other day and saw a bumper sticker advertising a dog grooming business. A few minutes earlier I had seen a woman carrying a dog around in a store. I’m a little bugged by this whenever I see it. I love dogs, but there are places they don’t belong, even if they have a bow in their hair.

But there, in my car, I was no longer bugged by this woman’s need to bring her dog to inappropriate places. I was encouraged by it. Her need to have the fashion statement of carrying her little dog around could be the key to my financial future.

A Business In Search Of A Name

Yuko's Dog Grooming

Show me the moneyyyyyyyyyyy! (Image by bookish in north park via Flickr)

Alright, here is the plan. People who carry dogs around seem to delight in the attention their dogs bring them. What if I had a business that simultaneously provided the attention that high maintainance dogs and their higher maintainance owners require? What if they could see their groomers together?

I am going to seek out the best of the best dog groomers and beautician/barbers. Then, I will cross train them. Those who cut people’s hair will be trained as dog groomers and the dog groomers will get their licenses to cut people’s hair. I will give these people the title of Groomists.

The way I figure it, dog carrying people spare no expense for themselves or their dogs. So, the gimmick of having their dog  sitting next to them getting trimmed up, perhaps even by the same person, will be irresistible. They will line up to hand me their money. I’m thinking $800- $1000 per visit. At that rate, a customer or two per day at each of my locations will make me rich.

Yeah, retirement isn’t that scary. I just need a name for what this place is called.

OK, perhaps I’m grasping at straws.

It is a little scary.

I need a job.


46 Comments on “Yeah, It’s An Idea. Maybe Not The One I Need.”

  1. Maybe set up something similar for people with cats? Maybe I can get a manicure while my cat’s claws are clipped?

  2. Todd Pack says:

    If your person/pet grooming business takes off, you might want to consider opening a swimming pool for people with pet fish.

    Or, you could become a Walmart greeter.

  3. Amy says:

    This sounds so crazy that it just might work. I can totally see this becoming a reality show.

  4. Your early retirement should really consist of you doing all those things you’ve been wanting to…you know…the locomotive…the Weinermobile…I believe there was a dirigible mentioned at some point in time…

  5. jacquelincangro says:

    You could call your new business
    Top Dog Salon

    Of course, I’ll need a cut of the proceeds.

  6. Good luck on that people have their own kind of crazy so it might just work!

  7. Spectra says:

    After brief consideration, here are my ideas for Salon names:
    1. Poodle-ishicous (The Jersey branch)
    2. Bow-WOW! Uni-Species Salon
    3. Pooches n’ Smooches
    4. Bitches n’ Heat
    5. Nip n’ Pluck
    6. Coats n’ Coifs
    7. Bitch-i-liscious
    8. Bark-n-Bitch
    9. Trim-Ur-Bitch
    10. Bitches in Britches

    These are just a few offerings,I think a group vote might help you determine which is the most “Curb Appeal”.

  8. Laura says:

    You could offer spa days – first you and your dog / cat get a massage, then a manicure / pedicure, and then finally get your hair / fur done. You should probably have separate waiting rooms for dogs and cats, and I’d suggest skipping the sauna / steam room — no matter how close people are to their pets, I don’t think anyone wants to sit in a room that smells like wet dog.

  9. “Shag ‘n’ Wag.” You should offer dog massage too…was shocked to see that in the small town my brother lives in (population 10,000)!

    I’m never going to retire…


  10. Binky says:

    How about Doggy Doo?

  11. Pie says:

    I’m loving this!

    I think you should consider an offshoot from your dog and owner grooming salon. A pet sauna/massage parlour would be an excellent business. Everyone has a fetish: the smell of wet dog can work wonders for some people. A lot of money would be paid for the pleasure and discretion. If for whatever reason the business goes belly up, you could still make something from it in blackmail fees, particularly if the clients are famous, because you know where the bodies are kept. I think this will be even more successful than the parlour, because the connections you’ve made in your previous job will make sure you never have to eat your Cap’N Crunch while wearing an orange jumpsuit.

  12. Katybeth says:

    This could so work! You will be rich. I have a client who pays $150.00 to have Oscar her standard poodle groomed every other week. I know Oscars mom would love to have her hair done at the same time as Oscar has his hair done. Oscar’s groomer is horrible with people though–insulting and very aloof-I am sure my client would also appreciate a duel groomer with decent people skills. Don’t forget nails.Oscars nails are only buffed but to perfection His owner uses polish but the same perfection applies. In case you are wondering you could not ask to know nicer dog and owner. As far as taking your dog with you every where….I could not agree more…I have so many other ideas about pet business–Wow I should write a blog post 🙂

  13. jaerae1971 says:

    My hair dresser comes to my house to do my hair, so as my dogs were walking around, I asked her if she would do my dogs…..she almost threw up. I’d come to your shop.

  14. gmomj says:

    How about “Cut The Crap And Shampoodles”.
    That should cover everything that walks on 2-4 legs.

  15. dufmanno says:

    Why does that first photo of the people looking out the retirement home window look so appealing to me?
    Anyway, my dogs are untamed savages and they smell like death warmed over so there isn’t much chance I could bring them to your salon. However, I suffer from too much frizz during the summer so perhaps one of your groomers could help me get this under control?

  16. If the dog related options don’t work out, how about you make really ugly clothes? It requires almost no talent and there looks to be a market for it.

  17. A reality show. Seriously.

    • omawarisan says:

      A reality show would be fun. People could get all reality show dramatic with me and then I could say something silly and walk away laughing. I have to
      Go find dramatic people now.

      No wait, I’d I have a shop of people cutting the hair of multiple species I’ve got them!

  18. maria says:

    If that highly tempting offer to give selected body parts up in order to be paid to write ever does come up, remember to hang on to your fingers, eyes and brain. (There appear to be some people who can write without some/all of those things, but I think it must be more difficult, and probably not as much fun.)

  19. Pammy Girl says:

    You know that show ‘Taboo’ on the National Geographic channel? You’re dancing a fine line of being their next episode.

    • omawarisan says:

      That channel is so disappointing. The magazine has been so good, but their channel is more along the lines of stuff that freaks me out. I can’t be on the same channel as the eyeball eaters of borneo christmas special.

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