Trump Is Out!Posted: May 17, 2011
Yesterday, my opponent made it official. He is no longer considering running for President Of The United States.
Let’s face it, for a campaign run by an unknown candidate with no budget and very little staff, things went very well for those of us involved in the Omawarisan campaign. Together, you and I drove a candidate with limitless resources and name recognition from the race for president. It only took one month and one day. I got in the race on April 15th, Trump got out on May 16th. Congratulations and thank you to all of you for this accomplishment.
As expected, he chose not to acknowledge the role of my campaign in his decision to step aside. In a move even more upsetting to me, he chose not to acknowledge the zeal and enthusiasm of my supporters. I think we’re all disappointed by that, but not surprised.
Because he chose not to mention my campaign, I am going to analyze his downfall and expose him for the failure he is.
What Went Right In The Omawarisan Campaign?
I think the thing that put us over the top in this election was the fact that I had a slogan and Donnie boy did not. My slogan…
He’s Not Nearly The Tool Don Is.
…was a rallying cry for those who couldn’t face the idea of someone as ridiculous as Trump having access to world leaders and controlling the military.
Trump confirmed that he is a much bigger tool than I could ever imagine being by declaring how proud he was of himself. I said it then, and I will reiterate it here, saying you are proud of yourself is like giving yourself a nickname – it isn’t cool, ever.
Numbers Don’t Lie
I’m not a math guy. Trust me on this, but if you don’t, I can provide a witness to that fact. But numbers are what they are, and in this case those numbers are impressive.
As you may recall, the first (and only) poll of this campaign was conducted by the independent website, Blurt, about a week ago. In that poll, one hundred percent of those surveyed said that if the election were held today they would vote for me and not Trump. One hundred percent. If only there were a graph to depict one hundred percent.
There is such a graph, I just made it.
The poll shows that at the beginning of the day, before anyone answered the question, no one had answered that they would vote for me. By the end of the poll, everyone had chosen to vote for me. The power of that victory is enhanced by the fact that the arrow on the graph is bright red and when it reached 100% on the graph there was a gold star there to show how significant that number was. Faced with zero approval from the people, there was nothing The Donald could do but get out of the race to prevent further humiliation. Even he had to acknowledge he was circling the drain.
Now that together we have achieved victory and forced Donald Trump from the race with his tail between his legs (yes, he has a tail. It is a little prehensile number he inexplicably calls The Mickey) I will do what I said I would when I entered the race.
Last month I told you that “The success of my campaign will be judged by his now inevitable failure”. I also said that once Trump was out of the race, I too would leave the race. Today I am announcing that I am ending my campaign for the office of The President Of The United States.
I thank each of you for your support and encouragement throughout the course of this campaign’s one month and one day history. I will (read this part in a choked up voice like I’m fighting back inspired tears) never forget how you stood by me through this battle and your smiling faces as I stand before you (yeah, I know it’s a blog on your screen, work with me) here today. God bless you all.
(cue the balloons falling from the ceiling)
(shot of you and I all waving and smiling to one another, balloons and confetti falling, I’m pointing at people in the crowd…fade to black)
- The Beginning Of The End Of The Donald Trump Campaign (blurts.wordpress.com)
- Donald Trump Vs. Me – Don Begins to Falter. (blurts.wordpress.com)