Trump Is Out!

Donald Trump at a press conference announcing ...

You lose, I say good day to you sir. (Image via Wikipedia)

Yesterday, my opponent made it official. He is no longer considering running for President Of The United States.

Let’s face it, for a campaign run by an unknown candidate with no budget and very little staff, things went very well for those of us involved in the Omawarisan campaign. Together, you and I drove a candidate with limitless resources and name recognition from the race for president. It only took one month and one day. I got in the race on April 15th, Trump got out on May 16th. Congratulations and thank you to all of you for this accomplishment.

As expected, he chose not to acknowledge the role of my campaign in his decision to step aside. In a move even more upsetting to me, he chose not to acknowledge the zeal and enthusiasm of my supporters. I think we’re all disappointed by that, but not surprised.

Because he chose not to mention my campaign, I am going to analyze his downfall and expose him for the failure he is.

What Went Right In The Omawarisan Campaign?

I think the thing that put us over the top in this election was the fact that I had a slogan and Donnie boy did not. My slogan…

Omawarisan 2012

He’s Not Nearly The Tool Don Is.

…was a rallying cry for those who couldn’t face the idea of someone as ridiculous as Trump having access to world leaders and controlling the military.

Trump confirmed that he is a much bigger tool than I could ever imagine being by declaring how proud he was of himself. I said it then, and I will reiterate it here, saying you are proud of yourself is like giving yourself a nickname – it isn’t cool, ever.

Numbers Don’t Lie

I’m not a math guy. Trust me on this, but if you don’t, I can provide a witness to that fact. But numbers are what they are, and in this case those numbers are impressive.

As you may recall, the first (and only) poll of this campaign was conducted by the independent website, Blurt,  about a week ago.  In that poll, one hundred percent of those surveyed said that if the election were held today they would vote for me and not Trump. One hundred percent. If only there were a graph to depict one hundred percent.

There is such a graph, I just made it.

The poll shows that at the beginning of the day, before anyone answered the question, no one had answered that they would vote for me. By the end of the poll, everyone had chosen to vote for me. The power of that victory is enhanced by the fact that the arrow on the graph is bright red and  when it reached 100% on the graph there was a gold star there to show how significant that number was. Faced with zero approval from the people, there was nothing The Donald could do but get out of the race to prevent further humiliation. Even he had to acknowledge he was circling the drain.

And Now…

Line art drawing of

You're fired. You and your prehensile tail can hit the bricks. (Image via Wikipedia)

Now that together we have achieved victory and forced Donald Trump from the race with his tail between his legs (yes, he has a tail. It is a little prehensile number he inexplicably calls The Mickey) I will do what I said I would when I entered the race.

Last month I told you that “The success of my campaign will be judged by his now inevitable failure”. I also said that once Trump was out of the race, I too would leave the race. Today I am announcing that I am ending my campaign for the office of The President Of The United States.

I thank each of you for your support and encouragement throughout the course of this campaign’s one month and one day history. I will (read this part in a choked up voice like I’m fighting back inspired tears) never forget how you stood by me through this battle and your smiling faces as I stand before you (yeah, I know it’s a blog on your screen, work with me) here today. God bless you all.

(cue the balloons falling from the ceiling)

(shot of you and I all waving and smiling to one another, balloons and confetti falling, I’m pointing at people in the crowd…fade to black)


54 Comments on “Trump Is Out!”

  1. Congratulations on your beating down of the evil empire in the making. You win! I may need to borrow your graph making skills in the future. That is one hell of a graph.

  2. We found him Captain!! says:

    To the Man who could Be President…… Congratulations on a well run campaign and rapid defeat of your adversary. He is probably busy today having a comb-over done to his tail.

    I’ m so thrilled to be present for your speech announcing your withdrawal. Thank you for pointing at me during the standing ovation. I was so proud that you were able to pick me out of the crowd even though I was the only person who remained seated. How did you find me to point at me? I was so honored….

    Now that things are back to normal, I wish you would take some time off and rest.

    The Captain

    • omawarisan says:

      it was my pleasure to point at you and do my surprised face as if i didn’t know you’d be there, which is sort of ridiculous since you always are there.

  3. Gemma Sidney says:

    I would like to publicly thank you, Omawarisan, for your mammoth efforts that undoubtedly foiled The Donald in his riduculous quest to become President. You have saved us all (even us non-US citizens) from a fate worse than death.

    I’m sorry to see that you bowed out of the race yourself, but I realise you’re keeping to your word. The results of the independant poll clearly show that you were the favourite. Maybe next time, huh?


    • omawarisan says:

      Thank you Gemma, for your support. I was very uncomfortable with what this guy would do if we didn’t stop him.

      Maybe next time.

      Ps..are you on the list for The Jolie and would you like to host her? I’m hoping to start her on an around the world journey in the fall.

  4. writerdood says:

    Thank you, for all your hard work.

  5. May you always have better hair than The Donald, Oma!

    Even though you’re out of the presidential race, I look forward to more of your “policies.”

    I bet your campaign was one of the most frugal ever undertaken in the history of American politics…


    • omawarisan says:

      I don’t have as much hair, but then I don’t have that weird hair helmet either.

      My dad told me a long time ago that someone who would spend millions to get a job that pays the stated amount politicians make is by nature foolish or dishonest. I try not to be either of those things…or at least not foolish in front of him.

  6. As an honored member of your comittee (Remember, I pulled the string that let the balloons fall, one of the most important jobs in all of this) I can honestly say I was proud to serve with you to abolish the Trumpagedy.
    I am exhausted by all of your hard work and will now take a vacation and wait for the next opportunity to serve my country.

  7. I just want to say that I take full credit for Trump stepping down. And I will vote for you, whether you run or not.

  8. madtante says:

    Let me be the next to offer my congratulations!

    I’m not sure what’s up with your Commie Christmas Tree but whatever. To the victor go the spoils of war…however that goes. I’m too lazy to google.

  9. Spectra says:

    I feel proud to be a voter today.

    I was especially impressed with your choice of music during your announcement (“We’ve Only Just Begun”, by Karen Carpenter) Is this indicative that, though you have stepped down from your campaign to force the Donald out of the race, that you reserve the right, no, the obligation! to wage similar campaigns against other rediculous would-be candidates in the coming months?

    With polling like yours, I think we can all see our ‘grass-roots’ power margin is huge.

    YES! We CAN!

  10. Katybeth says:

    CONGRATULATIONS! Not only were you the better candidate- I do believe you were even more entertaining than Donald!

    Big D (smile)

  11. gmomj says:

    It’s a sad day for Americans when a true hero withdraws from the presidential race. What depths have we fallen to when even those who have the “nuts” to blog Ozzy Osbourne leave us to the lions. Oh,Trump did withdraw…nevermind.

  12. Todd Pack says:

    At least Donald Trump is leaving the race with his dignity intact.

  13. Amy says:

    Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this historic event. Bookmarking this page for posterity.

  14. Thypolar says:

    Congrats to you my friend! I will have a drink (or two) in your honor 🙂

  15. Laura says:

    Congratulations! Are you at all concerned about the inevitable backlash from comedians everywhere, who will be understandably furious at you for depriving them of Trump’s candidacy?

  16. shoutabyss says:

    You announce and then he’s out. Coincidence? I think not.

    It’s time for the Ewok dance – in my pants.

  17. Kim Pugliano says:

    I am so proud to know you that I cry as I type this. You are my hero and as you leave the stage I think you should run in slow motion to the them song for “Chariots of Fire” just to give a little more impact. I will continue to support you in all of your political endeavors and when you are in charge of the world. You have the California vote (I hold a lot of clout here).

    • omawarisan says:

      for crying, i think the proper politician response is a point and a thumbs up.

      thank you for recognizing that this had nothing to do with my plan to take over the world. at best, it was an internship

  18. Betty says:

    That picture of him just makes my skin crawl.

  19. pattypunker says:

    while that is THE best campaign slogan ever, i think you could also use:
    Omawarisan 2012
    Mad Graphing Skillz

  20. Congratulations–your victory will be studied in political science classes as a masterpiece of campaigning strategy and in logic classes as the embodiment of cause and effect!

  21. Pie says:

    “Even he had to acknowledge he was circling the drain.” Nice one. I like it.

    Congratulations, Oma! I feel privileged, as a Londoner, to have played a small part in the making of U.S political history as you saw off the Trump and his mad hair.

    Keeping to your word and pulling out the presidential race, after beating your rival, proves you could never be a politician. You’re way too straightforward and honest.

    • omawarisan says:

      elections here are hardly about people eligible to vote here any more. state elections are influenced by people in other states, its very fitting that a londoner help drive off that clod, my opponent.

  22. KathiD says:

    I never doubted for a moment that you would prevail. You have “what it takes.” Except for the millions of dollars. And the name recognition.

  23. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    You are the candidate with magical powers. When the time comes, I’d like you to run for Governor of Idaho. I can’t bear the thought of any more years of Butch Otter. You may never get the acknowledgment from The Donald himself that you were the cause of his skittering away, but I hear he is considering you for a spot on Celebrity Apprentice so that he can get back at you. Don’t go for it.

    • omawarisan says:

      The governor’s name is Butch Otter? That guy could be a unique mix of genius and kindness and I would never vote for him.

      I’ll move to Idaho and change my name to Buck Beaver.
      That should do it.

      • We found him Captain!! says:

        I knew a guy named Butch Batch…….he went to jail in 1968. His wanted poster still hangs in some post offices in West Virginia.

        • We found him Captain!! says:

          By the way…. Butch Batch’s alias was HAMBONE!

        • Snoring Dog Studio says:

          I wonder if it’s the same person – our governor did get arrested a few years back for a DUI. He claimed that he got drunk from the Jack Daniels that his chew was soaked in. Classy, huh?

      • Snoring Dog Studio says:

        Please get here soon, Oma.

  24. thejaggedman says:

    Thank you Oma! I will sleep better knowing The Tool is out of the race!

  25. Keli says:

    Great! Now I have absolutely no one to vote for (I mean with your stepping aside; not the Donald). This is a huge disappointment. But my deep depression is brief, since, as you may know, the world is ending on Saturday. By the way, the fact that Don didn’t acknowledge your presence practically screams that he knew he didn’t stand a chance against you. He only takes on losers. Perhaps in 2016?

  26. […] announced my candidacy. A few weeks later, the Trump campaign went into a tail spin. A week later, I drove him out of the race. In just over a month, I vanquished one of the richest men in the United […]

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