I Don’t Think It’s Me This Time.

Texting on a keyboard phone

When things are really bad, I find out about it the same way an 8th grader finds out that cute boy in Spanish class likes her. OMG! (Image via Wikipedia)

Because of my particular occupational specialty, I am on call all the time. When things get bad and they decide to take me out of my box, I get a text message on a phone provided by my employer. The message describes the situation and lets me know where they need my particular skill set.

This is a paragraph that I am writing to give you to time to process the following idea before we move on to what I’m really writing about: somewhere in the world is a place where when things are really bad, someone says “uh-oh, someone call Omawarisan”. Kind of scary to consider, huh?

Moving along now…

Last week I got an email telling me that the people in charge of deciding such things had decided that we were changing cell phone companies. The mail told me that I should bring my phone, charger, car charger and belt clip to headquarters on a specified date to exchange it for new stuff compatible with our new carrier. The consequences for not turning in all the equipment would be dire.

I Face The Consequences, But That’s Not The Point

The old phone was issued to me at least three years ago. Because it was so long ago, I have no idea where the car charger and belt clip are. I decided the next best thing to do was to convince myself I was never issued those things. I’m nearly fifty years old, but I was still prepared to go with the nuh-uh defense as if I was nearly six:

Phone issuing guy: Where’s the car charger?

Me: You never gave me one.

Phone issuing guy: Everyone got one.

Me: Nuh-uh!

Armed with this top-notch defense, I went to collect my new phone…or face the consequences. They gave me the phone. They never asked for the other items. I think they could see in my eyes how formidable my nuh-uh defense was.

I did learn something from this phone exchange experience. Something horrifying.

I Work With Hoarders

Not my living room. (image via Shadwwulf at en.wikipedia)

Yes, hoarders. Hardcore hoarders.

I stood in line to make the swap carrying my old phone and a big handful of nothing else. There were a crowd of other people waiting to pick up their phones. Not surprisingly, many of them had both chargers and their belt clip ready to go. That’s not so unusual to me, but while I was in line I quietly resented them for not being considerate of my well planned defense.

What I thought was unusual was the number of people who had the chargers and belt clip as well as all the boxes and packing material that came with the phone when they were issued three years ago. My estimate is that twenty percent of those around me turned in all their equipment and like new packing materials. Why on earth would anyone still have that stuff?

One guy even had the package for his car charger. Both he and I left with a new phone, chargers and a belt clip. By the time I left work all the boxes and packing material were in the office recycling bin. My guess is that car charger package guy went home with all that stuff. I think one of us is just a little over the top on this issue.

Do I think it’s me?



50 Comments on “I Don’t Think It’s Me This Time.”

  1. madtante says:

    I didn’t know that Oma = Batman.

    I tend to save all my boxes/ materials for stuff like that cos I end up selling it (get more money when you have all that crap) or “gift” it to Brother. It’s a nicer piece of crap that way.

  2. Every so often, I clear out the top shelf of my hall closet. Invariably, I will find at least one box from a cordless phone or cell phone that I have stored away. The box will contain an owners manual (never opened), some little cord that does something I’m sure, some kind of plastic thing so I can attach the phone to my belt (I don’t wear belts), and a Secret Mystery Item that I didn’t know what to do with. I throw the box(es) out and hope that Now Husband Dan doesn’t then ask, “Hey, do you still have that little cord that came with our old phone? I can use it to keep my sailboat afloat.”

  3. I am particularly fond of the Nuh uh defense, as well as “You are not the boss of me.” My boss doesn’t seem to appreciate that one.

    I must confess to a bit of disillusionment, though. I always figured they summoned you with the O signal. You know, the Commissioner has someone shine a Grandmother silhouette on the night sky.

    • omawarisan says:

      Proper application of the YANTBOM requires that if you use it and get more than 4 uh-huh I am so’s, you have to push that person down.

      They were using a grandma light for a while, but the person who sat on my porch and watched for it while I slept lost their job in some budget cuts.

      Grandmother silhouette. Oh yeah, here come more page hits from people looking for nude oma pics. 😉

      • >>Proper application of the YANTBOM requires that if you use it and get more than 4 uh-huh I am so’s, you have to push that person down.<<

        You just described my favorite Ally McBeal-type workday fantasy.

        I used to get a lot of hits for searches of nude hippie pics. Now that I've typed that, you will, too. You're welcome.

  4. Betty says:

    You should have called me. I would have sent you one of the chargers and belt clips in my closet from the last four phones I’ve had.

  5. You sound important. Is it a Bat phone? Are you Batman?

    • omawarisan says:

      Nah, not important. I am a one trick pony. I am very good when other people are having a really bad day.

      For the most part though, I walk in our main building and people say “you still work here?”

  6. Bah! Things! I hate them!
    Although…once I posted on facebook that I was looking for a record player for free, and my old band teacher offered his up. It was a 1983 system, which he delivered in all it’s original packaging – little plastic baggies and twist ties included! I’ll be honest, I feel like his hoarding benefited me big time so it doesn’t bother me. Mostly because he doesn’t live in my house. 🙂

  7. I can’t believe you get a belt clip. If you tell me you get one of those retractable chains for hanging keys on, I will lose it.

  8. Amy says:

    The nuh-uh defense – classic!
    I’m with you, I throw out all that crap as soon as the gadget is opened. My husband, on the other hand, would keep a box forever. Drives me batty!

  9. Spectra says:

    -and the “nch-ah!” retort, heavy on the after-breath, when they challenge your “nu-uh” defense. That one usually convinces those in authority that YOU MEAN BUSINESS!

    Seriously, tho, I don’t think hoarders are organized enough to locate the packages and wrappings; their “collections” are probably more random than that. Like the stiff piece of 13 year old cake from neice Kaylas First Holy Communion situated next to a box of green plastic army figures from the yard sale/flea mart/recent breaking-and-entering job.

    • omawarisan says:

      Oh man, I’ve been in a lot of hoarders houses. You know what I am starting to see a lot? Home Shopping Network boxes. Lots of them, mostly unopened.

  10. pattypunker says:

    there should be a fine for hoarding like that. uh-huh!

  11. Todd Pack says:

    I can think of worse people to call in a crisis. I’m thinking specifically of people who would hang onto those oddly shaped boxes that cell phones come in.

  12. Kim Pugliano says:

    I am the “if it hasn’t been used/worn/looked at in over 3 months it’s trash.” girl. My husband still has his paychecks from the 90s. I have to toss the boxes behind his back along with ugly shirts from ten years ago and last month’s Summit catalog when the new one comes in.

  13. Katybeth says:

    My son says I am a packaging terrorist and if asked he will turn me in…I can never open anything without destroying the box. It drives him crazy. The Nuh-uh defense has serves me very well.
    You had the same phone for 3 years? Amazing.


    • omawarisan says:

      Oh yeah, my phone…three years. People in higher pay grades? Constantly changing. Person who makes phone calls to dangerous people with a phone that drops calls keeps his phone for years. Desk people, new toys.

  14. Laura says:

    I used to be a packing-material-keeper, because there’s usually some part of the warranty that requires that the item be returned in its original packaging. A few years ago, I decided that was probably unenforceable, so I stopped keeping the packaging — but I never went back and threw out all the boxes that I already had. So now I have packaging from things that I’ve long since gotten rid of, and no packaging for my current things. It’s a great system.

  15. I live with an IT guy…we have every electronic gadget known to man, and every box it came in, complete with instructions. This is why we filled a 26-ft. moving van TWICE with boxes when we moved into together (furniture went with the moving company in another truck). Sigh…

    Glad you got your new phone…Jim tells horror stories of trying to get people equipped with new Blackberries at work…


  16. Lenore Diane says:

    Two things I loved: the nuh-uh defense, and the fact that you typed ‘not my living room’ on the picture. Good stuff here, Oma. Good stuff.

  17. Patricia says:

    Did you have something to do with averting the May 21 end of the world thing?

  18. jaerae1971 says:

    Nuh-uh defense….brings a sweet tear to my eye. Love it. How could they expect anyone to still have all the stuff that goes with it? I don’t know where my phone, the one I use and need, is most of the time…let alone accessories. I think they are too demanding.

    • omawarisan says:

      I was all over the how could they expect it defense, but apparently there are a lot of people that do.

      I like too demanding. Perhaps that in itself is a defense.

  19. I always throw out all packaging material–but only after I’ve popped all the air out of the plastic bubble cushion stuff.

    • omawarisan says:

      Love that stuff. Think I like the bigger stuff I seem to be getting now, the bubbles are about the size of a deck of cards. Nice satisfying sound, but not as long lasting.

  20. frigginloon says:

    I don’t even know where the phone my company gave me is, let alone all the trinkets that went with it. Nuh-uh!

  21. hansi says:

    I think that phenomena is called anal retentive. “Nuh-uh” is right up there with “I forgot”. May work in private industry, but never flies in a court of law.

  22. spencercourt says:

    Two and 1/2 years from now, when I really leave work, I may be asked for a key to a door in the building that leads to my office area. I may have to use the “nuh-uh” defense. I should never have accepted the key. It suggests that i may want to come to the office after hours. And that the door to the office area is locked. Both of those have never happened….

  23. gmomj says:

    So Herr Warison…. You used the, Nuh Uh, strategic defense? Did the exchanger retort with Yuh Huh, or, So did!

    Are you a ghostbuster?

    I was recently in a government office building and passed by a maze of offices with a large window at the door of each looking into the hallway. One office was jam packed with stuff. I asked our escort “storage?” he said “Hoarder.” No way!!! I had to stop and gawk, “Someone is actually in there?” Uh huh. “No way”
    Yes way. There’s one in every bunch.

  24. Blogdramedy says:

    These are the same people who keep business cards from everyone they have ever met. Dead or alive.

    Just. In. Case.

  25. planetross says:

    I keep some boxes, but usually throw out that stuff. Usually if there is a warranty involved … and the thing cost a lot of money … I keep the box.

    note: I haven’t bought a new refrigerator yet, but that’s going to be a bit of worry.

    double note: when I buy boxes I usually keep them for boxing stuff up … or something.

    triple note: I still have the box for the i-phone I just got, but I will throw it away promptly now.

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