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Me Versus The Singing Guy: The Plan Changes

Over the past few months, I have documented the torment inflicted by, and my battle against The Singing Guy in my office. I come to you this time, my friends, to consult you on my next move. I have a bit of strategy in mind to get your input on.

Let’s Review

Goodwill Industries

Where the tools of psychological warfare are sold (Image via Wikipedia)

Last year I told you about The Singing Guy, a person at my work place whose quirky singing performances leave others in the office feeling awkward. He developed a pattern of stopping near an unsuspecting person’s desk while they were working and singing to them. Not just singing. Singing, with dancing, and finger snapping. His performances were resistant to my tactics of glaring and snarling at him.

Then, a dry cleaning error revealed a weakness I could exploit. The dry cleaner that drops off and picks up at our office returned his laundry with the addition of another person’s garment. This additional garment was such a distraction to The Singing Guy that he could not sing. I realized at that point that I could use The Singing Guy’s need to be on the cutting edge of fashion to manage his behavior.

So I went to Goodwill and bought a few garments. I slipped a little pair of corduroy pants into The Singing Guy’s dry cleaning. Boom. No singing. It was amazing. Sure, there was whimpering, but that’s easier to take than an a capella version of the Theme From Happy Days.

And So We Arrive At Today

The Singing Guy still sings on rare occasions. The time he used to spend singing, is now filled with talking. Have you ever heard that sharks have to keep swimming or they die? I’ve come to believe that The Singing Guy thinks if he stops talking he will die. I want to use my method of adding something extra into his dry cleaning to help him.

You see, I believe that if I can get him to stop talking and he lives, everyone wins. Especially me, because I am so sick of hearing about his weekend and every damned thing his wife says to him and his politics…and…and…and.

There is a problem. I am beginning to think that he is no longer using the dry cleaning service in the office. I don’t know if he is frustrated with the cleaners or if he’s just getting a better deal somewhere else. I’ve thought about it and I have a plan.

The New Plan

Unless he starts getting dry cleaning deliveries soon, I am going to alter my original plan. Instead of leaving my Goodwill purchases in his laundry,

Here's the jacket that is next in line for the Singing Guy's wardrobe.

I am going to start hanging them in his cubicle. The Singing Guy always keeps a hanger on the outside of his cube. I’m going to start periodically hanging the stuff I buy for him on that hanger.

This will have the same effect as the original plan – it will distract him from his usual yammering on about things. This plan has the added benefit of having other people walking by, seeing the cheesy clothes hanging in place of his usual designer stuff, and questioning him about it.

You all have been on board with this thing since the beginning…any ideas on this?

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35 Comments on “Me Versus The Singing Guy: The Plan Changes”

  1. I like the plan. I like it a lot.

  2. writerdood says:

    You could start leaving bad karaoke CDs on his desk.

  3. Spectra says:

    Oh, my God… this made my morning!

    Brilliant.

    Just for kicks, I’d throw in small pint bottles of cheap corn whisky into the pockets of the gawdy Goodwill clothing you are hanging on his cubicle. Makes him wonder if he’s been drinking a lot lately. or whatever…

  4. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    I feel your pain and sense the utter urgency of this predicament/horror; however, I worry that you’ll be found out quickly if you pursue this avenue of attack. And then, he’ll retaliate by singing show tunes loudly next to you. I have a much more surreptitious idea, one that is supremely noxious. I want to try this on a coworker of mine, but I fear her wrath might get out of hand.

    Get some of that deer urine or other kind of urine that hunters use to lure their prey. Smear it underneath his office chair. Spray it on his carpet. That should give you quite the reprieve from his obnoxious singing.

  5. Lafemmeroar says:

    I like Spectra’s idea about the cheap corn whiskey. Or you can start putting women’s undies in his cubicle. He’ll be too busy wondering who it belongs to and it should curtail his crooning ways.

  6. jacquelincangro says:

    I wonder if Singing Guy from your office could get together with Humming Girl in my office. They’d make a lovely pair.

    • omawarisan says:

      What could it hurt? His act really stinks a capella, maybe having an accompanist helps things. I’ll send him right over. Let me know what you think.

  7. Don’t forget the feather boa.

    I’m looking forward to the results. I know an incessant talker, too. Your pioneering research is destined for humanitarian greatness. I swear you’re Nobel prize-bound. I just know it.

  8. Kim Pugliano says:

    Love it. Totally reminds me of “The Office.” Do you watch it? There’s an episode where Jim sends Dwight faxes that are from ‘future Dwight.’ Maybe you can work out something like that?

  9. Sonnewoman says:

    Take an air freshener intended to hang from the rear view window of a car, and stash it under his desk. Not in a drawer, where it might be easily discovered. But tape it to the underside of the bottom most drawer on either side. The pine fresh scent will have a huge impact. This is a previously tested (circa 2001) and expert prankster approved method.

    • omawarisan says:

      Welcome!

      I have experience with both scent (in my above referenced Japanese Beetle caper) and in under desk engineering in using the guts of a musical greeting card to cause a desk to sing Rick James’ Super Freak every time the drawer was opened. This could work for me.

  10. Blogdramedy says:

    You’re forgetting the KISS principle. You need to keep it simple so that other people in the office won’t catch on. Coworkers love to blab.

    I favour variations on the “short-sheeting sheets” theme but you can’t keep repeating the same trick or he’ll catch on. Subtle must be your watchword.

    • omawarisan says:

      That is true, this is destined to be found out for a prank. The thing is, in this case, that is almost where a new level of fun will begin. He’ll desperately seek the culprit, but he will never look at me.

  11. Laura says:

    It’s a good plan, but you’ll need to do something to prevent Singing Guy from figuring out that it’s a prank. I think you need to kick it up a notch and convince him that the clothes hanging from his cubicle are a hallucination (you’ll need to get everyone else in the office to pretend they don’t see them, and that you think Singing Guy is joking if he points them out or asks about them).

    • omawarisan says:

      I’m kind of figuring he will eventually put together that someone is messing with him, though if I am able to stay with the dry cleaning plan it will work much longer. What works in my favor is that, while the people that work directly for me know I’m capable of this sort of thing, he is clueless.

      • Laura says:

        In that case, you should leave a complicated trail of carefully-constructed false evidence that eventually leads back to Singing Guy himself.

  12. The Jagged Man says:

    I give my clothes to charity and if mine are a reflection of what you are buying and plan on leaving: SCORE! Oma Wins!! Singing man whines and everyone will rejoice! Thanks for the line ” Sure, there was whimpering, but that’s easier to take than an a capella version of the Theme From Happy Days” . It made my day and it made me I snort…..

  13. omawarisan says:

    Happy Days was the performance that really got this thing to a fever pitch. It was brutal. It nearly broke a good friend of mine. I am certain it was against the Geneva Convention.

  14. Spectra says:

    Awesome video!!! Somebody get that deer it’s own Weinermobile. He deserves it. He’s the Mike Tyson of Deer. He’ll have a facial tattoo in no time, I’m betting!

  15. planetross says:

    I’d hang another … better looking hanger on his hanger … or something similar … like a hanger animal … which is like a balloon animal, but in make out of hanger.

  16. Pie says:

    That deer is hardcore!

    I didn’t know what Goodwill was until I checked Wikipedia. That’s a good strategy you’re using there. The suggestions above are much better than anything I could ever come up with. In the meantime, just keep thinking “My retirement is coming soon. Not much longer now…”

  17. Katybeth says:

    This is a winner!! I am sure it will confuse the poor man into silence.

  18. Queen says:

    you work in a police office. wipe your fingerprints.

    jus’ sayin’.

  19. […] at hand, for my first reverse advice column I went to someone whose wit and wisdom never fail, someone with experience in creative problem-solving when it comes to workplace issues, someone smarter, funnier, and so much wiser than I am, not to mention better-looking and […]


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