The Effect X-Rays Of Buttocks Have On This BlogPosted: July 1, 2011
Kim Kardashian, who is famous for no good reason, made news this week by announcing that her backside was real and posing next to an x-ray that supposedly proves it. It never occurred to me to ask if her butt was real. I don’t know anyone who cared.
I am not going to put up a picture of her, her tush (ok, yeah, same thing) or the purported x-ray. I will ask you to let me know if any of you:
A) can sort normal from abnormal buttocks using x-ray images
B) really care about her butt
C) questioned the veracity of her hiney and forced her to defend her honor with a visit to the radiology department.
Do You Know Who Else Went Through A Gluteal Crisis?
Shakespeare. Yes, that Shakespeare.
People in Elizabethan times knew why Shakespeare was famous, but some questioned whether his buttocks were real or somehow enhanced. Shakespeare’s manager spread the rumor to draw attention to his client. No one really cared about how the playwright/poet filled out his pantaloons until his people started dropping rumors in the right people’s ears.
Shakespeare’s management team “ended” the “problem” by proving that his vertical smile was all his too. Sadly, they did not have x-rays in Billy Shakespeare’s time so things were sort of improvised. They had him stand in front of several hundred candles. Someone sat on the other side and drew what they saw.
The whole butt issue was fabricated to build fame. Fortunately, people soon discovered that William Shakespeare was more than just another big butt. He had talent to back up his fame and became immortal as a result.
Clearly not everyone can say they have talent to back their fame. American media, please, stop feeding us this woman. Enough.
It has come to this. I am writing about butts and Elizabethan x-ray techniques. I only made it 48 hours before I had to recycle the Shakespeare gag. Time for a break. I am going to the beach for a week.
While I’m away, Blurt will keep going with a mix of new stuff and re-runs of things most of you haven’t seen. I’m not sure about my internet connection while I am gone, so my comment responses might be slow. I will be watching and will be drafting posts about the butts of all who don’t show up here while I’m gone.
Happy Canada Day to all my friends north of the border.