The Effect X-Rays Of Buttocks Have On This Blog

XRay tech

People are dying because they can't get health care and some poor x-ray tech was forced to do a recreational x-ray of a rich girl's glutes. (Image by Muffet via Flickr)

Kim Kardashian, who is famous for no good reason, made news this week by announcing that her backside was real and posing next to an x-ray that supposedly proves it. It never occurred to me to ask if her butt was real. I don’t know anyone who cared.

I am not going to put up a picture of her, her tush (ok, yeah, same thing) or the purported x-ray. I will ask you to let me know if any of you:

A) can sort normal from abnormal buttocks using x-ray images


B) really care about her butt


C) questioned the veracity of her hiney and forced her to defend her honor with a visit to the radiology department.

Do You Know Who Else Went Through A Gluteal Crisis?

Shakespeare. Yes, that Shakespeare.

William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

Ever wonder why you never see pictures of him standing up? (Image via Wikipedia)

People in Elizabethan times knew why Shakespeare was famous, but some questioned whether his buttocks were real or somehow enhanced. Shakespeare’s manager spread the rumor to draw attention to his client. No one really cared about how the playwright/poet filled out his pantaloons until his people started dropping rumors in the right people’s ears.

Shakespeare’s management team “ended” the “problem” by proving that his vertical smile was all his too. Sadly, they did not have x-rays in Billy Shakespeare’s time so things were sort of improvised. They had him stand in front of several hundred candles. Someone sat on the other side and drew what they saw.

The whole butt issue was fabricated to build fame. Fortunately, people soon discovered that William Shakespeare was more than just another big butt. He had talent to back up his fame and became immortal as a result.

Clearly not everyone can say they have talent to back their fame. American media, please, stop feeding us this woman. Enough.

It has come to this. I am writing about butts and Elizabethan x-ray techniques. I only made it 48 hours before I had to recycle the Shakespeare gag. Time for a break. I am going to the beach for a week.

While I’m away, Blurt will keep going with a mix of new stuff and re-runs of things most of you haven’t seen. I’m not sure about my internet connection while I am gone, so my comment responses might be slow. I will be watching and will be drafting posts about the butts of all who don’t show up here while I’m gone.

Happy Canada Day to all my friends north of the border.


31 Comments on “The Effect X-Rays Of Buttocks Have On This Blog”

  1. Todd Pack says:

    According to Joel McHale on The Soup, she’s famous for having a fat a– and a sex tape. I have no idea how she’s managed to get more than 15 minutes on the fame clock

  2. madtante says:

    I’m glad to not know what Ms. K’s face looks like, let alone her arse. Wonder what S’s arse looked like–really. I’m thinking bony but most prolific writers I know are quite … not bony.

  3. Spectra says:

    Okay, you can xray my butt. Just know that I wear diapers. Its a fashion choice.Gives me lift and poof. And I love the sound of sitting on a bag of potato chips.

  4. Lenore Diane says:

    Enjoy the beach… no ifs, ands or butts.

  5. Katybeth says:

    Sand, Sun, Sleeping in…sometimes we all need to get away. And thank you for your kind invitation to get our rears in gear and keep Blurt company while you are sipping drinks with little umbrellas in them..I will do my best! Cheers!

  6. Jeane says:

    I am not sure if I am sickened or amazed that you have Kardashian and Shakespeare in the same post! Awesome…and spot-on on about media fame. I want a hundred candles to light up my ass! Have a great week at the beach.

  7. The Shakespeare thing is working. Keep going with it until we’re sick of it. And then cram some more down our throat. Sort of like KK’s career arc.

    Enjoy the beach, but beware of sand chafing.

  8. I’m sure some X ray technicians out there will supplement their income by becoming xray papparazzi.

  9. We found him Captain!! says:

    I think they x-rayed her butt in a futile attempt to locate her brain. The size of her rear end would fill a panoramic movie screen. They must have used a special ” SCAN HER CAN ” x-ray machine to get the job done.
    Have a good vacation and be safe.

  10. spencercourt says:

    Since I don’t watch much TV and have only about 7 “real ” channels, I’m not sure I even know who Kim Kardashian is….but the answer to questions A, B and C is no.

  11. Laura says:

    You can probably get a free butt x-ray at the airport.

  12. Blogdramedy says:

    Excellent! A “best of the beach butts” post to look forward to… 😉

  13. The Jagged Man says:

    Kim who? Oh, her but with all seriousness aside I personally think her hind quarters may be the only real thing on her. And yes I agree ; Don’t The Animals (or is that and insult to animals?) Enjoy the beach Oma!

  14. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    IT’S NOT A BUTT, IT’S A TUMAH! (Schwarznegger reference, in case you wonder or care.) So what if her butt is real? When has “authenticity” been a requirement for fame and celebrity? Such a shame. Those are x-rays we can never get back.

  15. Pie says:

    To answer your questions above:

    A) Haven’t got a clue

    B) Couldn’t give a monkey’s

    C) Until I saw your post, I didn’t know the veracity of her arse was questioned. Perhaps it would be more relevant to question the veracity of her existence.

    Having an X-ray is a serious business. Why is this silly woman allowed to waste such precious resources on something that will only be of interest to 13 year old girls, gossip columnists and adults with arrested development? I like the way you connected it with Shakespeare, just as you did with the dog and pony show. This could become a series like The Jolie Pez Project. Enjoy your holiday.

  16. […] There was never a controversy about William Shakespeare’s buttocks. They did not x-ray his butt by having him stand in front of several hundred candles. […]

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