When I Am Rich: My Fireworks Staff.Posted: July 4, 2011
I love fireworks.
Yes, it is Independence Day here in the U.S. and I’m sure you could find a ton of folks who would make a bold statement like “I love fireworks”. I’ll go farther though. I will tell you that when this blog makes me ridiculously rich, I will have fireworks people on my staff so I can have shows year round.
My Fireworks Staff
When I am ridiculously rich, I will have about a dozen people employed full-time on my fireworks operation. They will be very well paid and will do most of their work between shows at my fireworks laboratory. Sometimes they will go out on my fireworks research ship to test their creations at sea, far from the prying eyes of fireworks spies.
A few times per year, I will meet them at the fireworks ship and we will go to sea. Way out in the ocean, they will reveal to me their latest creations, then I will reveal to them their raises. And there will be rejoicing.
Periodically, we will sell to other companies the rights to reproduce the copyrighted work of my firework designers. This will help fund my continued operations.
Having my own fireworks staff would enable me to have shows at times and places of my choosing. I’d schedule most of them in advance to be considerate of my staff’s personal time. I’d still keep the option on the table to have some shows on short notice. Maybe what I’ll do is just keep a few people on call for that.
Maybe I’d have a show for a friend’s birthday. Perhaps I’d have one when a neighbor’s kid learned to ride a bike. Maybe I’d have them set up a fireworks show on my train and fire them off as I zoomed down the track. I would take full advantage of being rich enough to make a good day better through pyrotechnics.
The First Project
My first directive to my firework people is going to be to create a firework based on this idea: a firework with a parachute. I have faith in them, I’m sure they can make it happen.
Imagine being at a firework display. In the midst of all the fun and the shells going off, you hear one particularly loud shell being fired. You wait and wait, but nothing happens. Meanwhile, the show rages on around you and you soon forget about the unusually loud shell. At about that moment it goes off with a giant flash and a roar, garnering a startled scream and then a roar of approval from the crowd. That’s what the first public display of my parachute firework is going to be like.
The parachute shell will be fired to a ridiculous height, far beyond that of any other shell. (There will have to be permits or something. I’ll get someone on that, no need for you and I to concern ourselves with it.) At the top of its flight, the shell will deploy its parachute and gently drift toward the ground. Three or four minutes later, it will have descended down to about the height of the other fireworks that have been going off below it and will go off there…the loudest and brightest shell of the show.
Just for fun, I might have a second one fired on that debut night, during the grand finale. The show would end, no one would know it was up there until it went off, three minutes later, while they were folding up their blankets. Bwahahahaha!
I am committed to my parachute firework concept. If you are thinking about applying to be one of my firework people, do not even send me your résumé unless you feel certain you can make this happen. I will be a fun rich guy who spends money foolishly, but I want what I want. I want a parachute firework.
Enjoy the shows tonight!