What Should I Do When The Doctor Hits Me On The Knee?Posted: August 1, 2011
The time is coming for me to schedule my annual check up with my doctor. I will do what I should do and get it on the calendar soon. I am a believer in routine check-ups. I gained the gift of more time with my dad because his cancer was found early, during a routine check-up, and he was able to beat it.
All the same, there is a level of indignity that comes with a check up. My doctor is a good sort, and he makes the awkward parts as comfortable as possible. I have decided to reward myself for looking after my health and facing the awkward indignities. I am going to talk to my doctor and resolve one of the most pressing medical questions I have.
There comes a time during every check up when the doctor says “have a seat up on the table there”. I do that and he breaks out the little red rubber hammer. I know he is going to hit my on the knee with the little hammer and I know this is a reflex test. That is all I know about it.
I don’t know what I should do when he hits me on the knee. I think if I went with my instinctive reflexive action, I would jump up and say something like “hey man, stop hitting me”. I might even push him back to get a little space between us so he couldn’t get me again. I don’t think that is the reflex he is looking for.
Am I supposed to kick when he hits my knee? I’m pretty sure I saw Bugs Bunny do that one time when Elmer Fudd was a doctor. Am I supposed to just sit there and let whatever happens, happen? I’ve played it both ways with doctors over the years and none of them have told me to stop doing either one. Someday I have to get a look at my medical records. I imagine that under the reflex test, my file has in successive years the following notes:
Omawarisan is overly sensitive to touch. He kicked my glasses off my face.
Omawarisan’s right leg is dead.
Omawarisan cried when I tapped his knee.
Damn. He kicked me again. I swore I wouldn’t let him do that again.
Omawarisan slowly raised his leg then put it back down. I don’t know what to think.
This time, before he hits me, I am going to ask him “doc, what are we going for? I need to know the expectations before we go any further.”
If we are there to have our reflexes tested, why not a true test of reflexive actions? I have a simple proposition for the medical community to adopt as the new reflex test. Dodgeball.
What would be a truer test of your reflexes than how you react when the examining room door comes open and a nurse throws a dodgeball at you? The doctor could evaluate the choice you made and how quickly you executed the move you chose to protect yourself.
Of course, implementing this would require single use, sterile dodgeballs. No one wants to get pelted with someone elses germy dodgeball. I am in the process of patenting a line of sterile, recyclable dodgeballs. I will have a network of contractors who will pick up the used balls, clean them and deliver fresh ones to physicians all over the world. This will put me in the forefront of the medical dodgeball field. I will go down in medical history as an innovator and noted rich dude.
Until that time comes, if anyone has a clue what I am supposed to do on the reflex test, I’d appreciate it if you let me know here. Even better, if you have new ideas of things I can do in response to the knee tap I’d like to hear those suggestions. I want to keep my doctor on his toes.