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Soy, Diana Ross And The Helicopter To Oblivion

Soy. Milk. Two different things. (image via linusd on wikimedia)

Soy, it is time we had a talk.

Perhaps I am getting into areas that you feel the need to make your own decisions on. If I am intruding, please accept my apologies. I just couldn’t sit here and watch you make the mistakes you are making without speaking up.

The other day, on a pizza related post that I wrote, I read a comment that read, in part, “…there is no joy in a stiff-as-cardboard gluten free crust with barely melted Vegan (soy) mozzarella”. I asked myself, as I seem to be doing a lot recently, “what is soy doing there?” Cheese is dairy. Soy, you are not dairy. You are not a cheese maker. Yet there you are, passing yourself off as cheese.

Think back to the old days, back when you were simply part of Soy Sauce. Everyone loved you back then. You were just you. You were part of something bigger.

I’m Gonna Make You Love Me

japanese soy sauce, it contains more salt than...

Image via Wikipedia

Soy, do you like old Motown music? Weren’t there some great groups and artists on that record label? Marvin Gaye, Martha and The Vandellas, The Four Tops, The Temptations – all produced big hits that are still loved today. The Supremes were a big part of that hit machine too. Let’s talk about the Supremes

The Supremes were a great vocal group that appeared primarily as a trio. Together, the Supremes produced hit after hit : Baby Love, Come See About Me, Stop In The Name Of Love, You Keep Me Hangin’ On. Then one of the women who comprised the group, Diana Ross, took the primary role in the group. The hits kept coming despite the change.

Hmmm…one part of the whole taking a primary role. Sound like anyone you know, Soy? Just like when you took the primary role in Soy Sauce and brought your name to the forefront of that condiment, people still loved the Supremes with Diana Ross in front of the group.

You Can’t Make Us Love You

Things went south when Diana Ross got too big for her britches and decided to leave The Supremes behind. She kept singing. She even had some hits, but her music was never as good as it was with her group. She also branched out into things she wasn’t really good at. Modeling. Acting. Not good.

The helicopter to oblivion. You can avoid it, Soy. (image via sportsillustratedcnn.com)

The Supremes had that great hit “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me”. Try as she might, on her own, Diana Ross couldn’t make us love her.

The last time I saw Diana Ross, she was leaving what I consider the worst Super Bowl half time show that did not have The Black Eyed Peas in it.  A helicopter landed as the show ended, she got on board and flew out of the stadium. She smiled as if she was sure the crowd was cheering her performance. I’m pretty sure they were cheering because they knew her departure marked the end of the show.

Soy, the world loves you as part of Soy Sauce. The hit foods that Soy Sauce is part of are too numerous to list. There is no list of delicious soy cheese dishes. Same for soy bacon, soy sausage and soy milk. You are wonderful as part of Soy Sauce. Like Diana Ross without The Supremes, few people can tolerate you without your friends that helped make you and Sauce so successful. You can’t make us love you on your own.

Get out of cheese, get out of everything else. Keep making hits as part of Soy Sauce. Don’t take that helicopter ride to oblivion. It isn’t too late for you yet, Soy. It isn’t too late, but I hear the sound of chopper blades in the distance.

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35 Comments on “Soy, Diana Ross And The Helicopter To Oblivion”

  1. Todd Pack says:

    Good point, Oma. It’s like my pappy used to say: All of us have a part to play in the great rock band of life, but there’s a reason the guy on tamborine doesn’t get a solo.

  2. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    Soy was doing fine as part of its namesake sauce until it branched out and tried to get all hip and relevant. But it really went awry when it allowed itself to be pimped out for the movie, “Soylent Green.” Wow. Where was soy’s agent in all of THAT?

  3. Lenore Diane says:

    Oh Soy – how I love thee. Thank you for branching out. I’ll continue to seek you out behind the alley. Don’t let Oma scare you. He’s harmless. Really. Besides, he should try your creamy and delicious soy chocolate milk. Mmm, mmm, good!

    P.S. Soy, your cheese is bad. Oma has a good point there.

  4. Betty says:

    Wow, that was quite a stream of consciousness post. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    • omawarisan says:

      Yeah, I actually dictated in Latin too.

      Quod ultimo tempore vidi Diana Ross erat relicta medietate quantum existimo tempus pessimum Super Bowl felis Nos autem ostendere quod non est in dolor. Aliquam rhoncus arcu expositis ut ostenderet se de got navem et volavit stadium. Item si certa fuit turba consolantes eam risit effectus. Pulchellus certus sum autem consolantes quoniam sciebant observandum transitum suum finem ostendunt.

  5. S. Sienna says:

    Though the latin be lost on me, this extemporization on soy is not!

    True, forefront is not the place for soy, particularly in the coveted cheese role. But, sadly, some of us (I am the commentor quoted above) are desperate for a “pizza experience”. So, like the masses led into a bad thing for lack of the better, I cave to soy cheeses which do not even imitate real cheese, let alone do it well. It really is just a substitute for the missing ingredient in a pizza, though I feel soiled baby diapers might serve just as well.

  6. Laura says:

    I’m mostly with you on the soy thing, as long as you allow soy to continue to honestly present itself as tofu and edamame. Actually, I hate edamame, but I think it should be allowed to remain on principle.

  7. Pie says:

    I love soy sauce. I hate soya milk. I’ll have to take your word on the soy cheese I don’t like cheese anyway. How you managed to move from soy to Diana Ross and back again is still a head scratcher to me, but I like it!

  8. Blogdramedy says:

    Soy is the Great Impersonator…the Rich Little of beans. 🙂

  9. linlah says:

    And tofu tries to hard.

  10. spencercourt says:

    Yes, soy must stay “pure” and not be allowed a role as an imposter. In other words, it should not follow the disgraceful path that turkey has! I like turkey as turkey, but not as sausage, burgers, bacon, etc. Disgraceful!

  11. The cautionary tale of Diana Ross’s helicopter ride to oblivion bears a striking pathos. I hope Justin Bieber is reading and abandons any thoughts he may have been entertaining of having plastic surgery to resemble soy.

    I’m pretty sure Tofu Bieber is one of the signs of the Apocalypse. Or it should be.

    What were we talking about?

  12. Tofu, or not tofu? That is the question. The answer: not. I went on a health kick for about a week 15 years ago and bought a package of soy hotdogs. When I dropped one on the kitchen floor and it bounced into the living room, I recognized, like you, the need for soy to remain in its sauce form.

  13. Amy says:

    Do you know the comedian, Lewis Black? He has a great bit about soy milk. “It’s not soy milk, it’s soy juice, but they don’t call it soy juice because when you say soy juice you throw up in your mouth a little.”
    Oma and Lewis Black – great minds think alike.

  14. Katybeth says:

    The parents at Cole’s school single handily support the soy industry. I have never seen soy used so many ways; one way is worse than the next.
    The really sad thing is when I bring my cheesy nachos to any pot luck or parent evening everyone falls face first into them. A parent once asked me, “Is that REAL cheese” I was amused.

  15. savanvleck says:

    I’m on a, Okay, I’m trying to be on a, Vegan no-oil diet for a blockage that cannot be operated on again. First one failed. Who ever heard of a failed heart bi-pass? Leave it to me. SOOOO, I am making friends with Soy milk, but there just isn’t a substitue for cheese. Don’t let them lie to you. I have not fond it yet, anyway. Using Nutritional Yeast can help, but you just gotta get over cheese. Oh, and Mayonaise. I don’t mind at all not eating meat, but cheese, mayonaise and Butter are deeply missed. I better quit now before I think of something else I’m missing.

  16. Spectra says:

    Baconaisse. Just made some tonight…fry some bacon, pour the oil, crushed bacon (bits) some salt, pepper, and mayonnnaise, into the blender. Blend. Then transport into a plastic fridge container, and chill. You should be able to spread this on a sandwhich by morning.

    One of the things about being dairy-free (allergic) is that I get to eat mayonaise. And Baconaisse it is!!!


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