The Policies Of My Administration: Full EmploymentPosted: August 17, 2011
I have faced many of the important issues of our day as I prepare for my administration to take over running the world. Today, I am delving into the territory of politicians. No politician of any stripe has ever been able to put forward a practical plan to make sure every able-bodied person can find a job.
Because I am not a politician, I do have a plan. Because I am simply going to take over running things and don’t have to run for office, I can make my plan work.
A Good Plan Based On Bad Technology
Modern business runs on technology. Without computers, faxes and Blackberries most offices are dead in the water. There is one piece of office machinery that is supreme in its lack of reliability and its ability to shut an office down dead. That machine is the core of my plan to put the entire planet to work.
Office copiers are the single most unreliable piece of equipment ever devised. They have always been good at one thing – breaking down. Rather than improved technology being used to increase their reliability, these machines have become more complex. They are able to do more during the brief time that they are up and running than ever before. Despite their new abilities, copiers are less reliable than their counterparts were twenty years ago. Technological innovation has only created more ways for these machines to malfunction.
You Get A Copier And You Get A Copier And You Get A Copier…
Part one of my plan for full employment is to provide every household on the planet with a copy machine.
Yes, every household. If they have a slate roof, a thatched roof of palm leaves, or the domed roof of an igloo they will get a top of the line copier. Copy, print, fax, scan, collate, two-sided, color with a built-in stapler. Your new copier will do it all!
Giving a copier to every household will raise employment. Prized manufacturing jobs would become plentiful as industry geared up to meet the demand fueled by my administration. Unemployment would drop just based on the huge manufacturing effort. Factor in employees to ship and install the machines and you’ll see unemployment shrink.
Local economies around these copier factories will flourish with all the money workers will spend on food, shelter and entertainment. But manufacturing and installing these machines are not the complete policy. Yes, it gets even better!
Zero Reliability = Zero Unemployment
Copiers are not going to become any more reliable than they are now. They haven’t for decades, there isn’t any reason to think they’ll become problem free in the future. Their poor reliability is the key to completing the full employment picture.
By my calculations, manufacturing a copier for every household on the planet, then constantly replacing machines as they become outdated will cut world unemployment down to about 2%. My administration will achieve zero unemployment by training anyone who does not have a job at that point as copier repair technicians.
Hundreds of millions of copiers out there constantly breaking down will create a huge demand for people to repair them. The anticipated demand will provide employment for that 2% that remained jobless after the manufacturing portion of the plan is ramped up.
It Is Crystal Clear Now Isn’t It?
Two steps. Copiers break. Everyone works. Economic renaissance. World peace. Social justice. Nobel Prize. October Tenth. Nominate me.