Interview with MothmanPosted: August 25, 2011
Several interns were sitting around the Blurt offices last week. They were obviously lounging around, waiting to go back to school after a busy summer of vacuuming the office and making me smoothies. Their lack of initiative bothered me. No one had a smoothie ready for me.
Fortunately, a request had just come in for me to bring back the interview series. It was just what I needed to shake them up. “Get me an interview with Mothman. If I’m not talking with him by the end of the day you people will never work in this business again.” By 3:30 two of the interns, Four Eyes and No Neck, had a banana smoothie on my desk and Mothman on Skype. I thanked them, shooed them out of my office, then called them back and told them to fire all the other interns. I booted them out again and turned my attention to the interview.
Omawarisan – Mothman, thanks for agreeing to do the interview. I know that you don’t often do this sort of thing. I’ve read that you’re seven feet tall, with red eyes and folding wings. But then one person also said you “weren’t particularly moth like”. How do you explain this?
Mothman – Glad to be here, Omawarisan. I guess when you put the wings aside I am not really much like a moth. People have taken my last name and sort of run with it.
O – Your last name?
M – My full name is Issac Michael Mothman. I was named after Issac the bartender on The Love Boat.
O – Interesting. I’ve got to ask you about some of the physical feats attributed to you. I read that one person said you flew up without flapping your wings. Someone else claimed you chased their car at speeds of over 100 miles per hour.
M – (laughing) I think 100 mph is a little exaggerated. And the flying without flapping thing, that was a jump. I was pretty quick when I was younger and I had some hops too. But that was when I was younger, before I blew my knee out.
O – How’d you hurt your knee?
M – Basketball. I played for the Bulls, way before Jordan. I was driving to the hoop and took a hard foul. I had some reconstructive surgery on my knee but it wasn’t the same. I ended up packing my bag and walking away from the game. The arena seemed so…sooo… empty that day.
O – Mothman, this is so surprising. I’ll admit not knowing what to expect from you, but hearing you were an NBA player was absolutely not a consideration. I’ll bet it was tough leaving that career behind.
M – A little, yeah. But I had my education and I just went to work. I started teaching in an inner city high school and coaching their basketball team.
O – Oh, did you?
M – Yes. The kids were great. They were a pretty diverse bunch. A little rough around the edges. They’d get in trouble a lot, but in the end they’d typically do the right thing. You know the type, right?
O – I think I do. They sound a lot like the kids on the 1970’s TV show The White Shadow.
M – They do? Look, I’m feeling a little accused here. OK, look, my team would sing in the shower together after practice. It was awkward, but hey, they were spirited kids…right?
O – Again, The White Shadow.
M – I, umm… do you want to talk about my scary red eyes?
O – No, I think we’re done. You seem to have some weird psychological transference thing or something going on with this old TV show.
M – Wow. The kids at Carver are going to be so disappointed.
O – You may need some professional help.
M – Yeah, the principal tells me that.
My thanks to Issac Mothman for agreeing to the interview, as disturbing as that was. Special thanks to Dufmanno for suggesting the interview. Look for more posts in the interview series, ideally with legendary creatures who are a bit more stable.
The Interview Series was a regular series here on Blurt until about a year ago when I stopped it for no good reason. I’ll be bringing it back, also for no good reason. The interviews are all with legendary creatures like Chupacabra, Kongamato and Batsquatch. Alright, all except the one with The Coyote That Took Jessica Simpson’s Dog. I had to make an exception for that Coyote. All the previous interviews are available on the Interview Page