Hey, Pumpkin.
Posted: September 16, 2011 Filed under: favorites, Foolishness | Tags: beer, Cooking, food, Fruit and Vegetable, Halloween, holidays, Home, humor, jack o'lantern, miscellaneous, pumpkin, Pumpkin and Squash, Spice, Sweet potato 49 Comments
Hey Pumpkin, know your role (Image via Wikipedia)
Hey, Pumpkin. It is the time of year when you become a trendy food ingredient.
Pie. Soup. Casserole. Beer. Bread. The list of foods that you add nothing to goes on and on.
I oppose your presence in all these foods.
Stop It. You Are Not Food. You Are A Decoration.
The orange food group is quite limited. Carrots, sweet potatoes, oranges. Beyond that, there isn’t much interest. Some people would add Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups to that list. To those people, I say slow down and unwrap.
You did not make the list, Pumpkin. You are decoration, not food. Maybe you can find work as a scarecrow’s head.
I Recognize That You Have Your Fans. I Will Not Be Moved.
People pretend to like you to get closer to the whipped cream. (image-Bradley Stemke via Wikimedia)
When I speak ill of you, your fans pipe up with glowing descriptions of how delicious you are when you are seasoned and in a pie. I will not be moved. You are not a food to these people, you are a vessel for their cinnamon and nutmeg lust. You are a delivery system for spices.
I’ve never said this to a pie filling before, Pumpkin. You get in the way of the flavor of the crust. I would never dream of saying that to Cherry, Blueberry or even Apple. Only you, Pumpkin.
People pretend to like you in a pie because they want your whipped cream.
What’s that? You came from a plant? Nice try nature boy. Pine cones come from plants too. You don’t see me crunching them down, with or without nutmeg.
Pumpkin, You Have Marketable Skills
Image by Joe Shlabotnik via Flickr
You are best suited to being shot out of a cannon or a catapult.
You excel at that, Pumpkin, and I applaud you for it. Stay with that – it is your strength. You don’t see Peas in a cannon, do you? How about Corn? No. Peas and Corn know their places. They do what they’re good at.
So let’s review how it will be between us this year, Pumpkin. I will cut a funny face in you. I’m thinking something with triangular eyes and snaggly teeth, but I’m open to suggestion. I’ll put a candle in you for Halloween. After that, I will dispose of you and you can do your biodegrading thing.
No bread. No pie. Hear me on this, Pumpkin – no beer. Stay out of beer. Let it go. We all have our roles. Know yours and stick to it.
I’m glad we could have this chat.
And did Pumpkin play nice and do as I asked? Nope. It had to get ugly.
Blurt 
It’s too bad you’ve taken this position (again, still, whatever). I could hook you up with some pumpkin…and carrots…and…zucchini…and yellow squash….and melons…and…
I’m generally opposed to cold weather, but I find myself looking forward to the first frost.
I am running this every year until the scourge is gone.
How dare you.
I am an anti pumpkinist.
Frightened by pumpkin pie as a boy?
Yes. Mincemeat too.
I am right there with you on this post. I, myself, don’t mind the smell in candles or fragrance sprayers. I will not allow the pumpkin scourge in my appetizers, dinner, dessert, or beverages. It has its place and you are correct, it is not in food!! Thank you for making this known!
Welcome Jennifer!
It isn’t food. It just gloms onto things that are food.
Hey – I *like* pumpkin pie. And I don’t have it with cream.
Oh stop, you’re just being silly now.
I mean, hey, if pumpkin delivers those flavors better than the others, that works doesn’t it? Could you really use cinnamon and nutmeg that way with the others? Banana? Don’t make me shudder. Cherry? Not on top of this one. Apple? Well maybe apple, but it couldn’t be called the same.
Apple is the pie for those spices. It does a spectacular job and doesn’t need help.
Pumpkin is so desperate for attention it just gets in the way/
Harboring a long-term resentment of innovative vegetables is probably a sign of an inappropriate response to the old nursery rhyme about Peter Peter. You may actually be reacting to the double name and not the pumpkin. It may be beneficial to embark on a lengthy voyage into your past, after which you will no longer have to bear the torment that you are expressing in this post. Such a trip usually involves massive outlays of money, however.
You have many supportive followers who will be supporting your journey through this mental morass. You will be well and happy when this is over. You may possibly be broke as well.
Bon Voyage!
That might be true. I don’t like Sirhan Sirhan either.
awww. you don’t have to be so mean to the pumpkin. it’s not his fault he is so beautiful and yummy!
Well, I’ll buy the beautiful part – i mean look what pumpkin does for a cornucopia – but I’m not tasting the yummy part.
Hee hee, funny as always 🙂 Loved the “nature boy” comment. Love it when you sass the vegetables. Or fruit. Wait which is it?
Mmmm. Love pumpkin. Love pumpkin beer — only way I can manage to drink the stuff at all. Don’t tell me you don’t like pumpkin ravioli! With a little butter and parmesan and fried sage? Try this recipe, maybe it will change your mind. It’s not sweet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeB13UMNV9s
No, no. Ravioli is meat or cheese. Only meat or cheese.
I’m with you bro! And I would expand the boycott to include all members of the squash family. Especially zucchini.
A zucchini cannon would be great!
Wow, I sense a lot of hostility here.
I lash out at the gourds.
We can still be friends, Oma, because I pride myself on my ability to stay friends with people who have crazy, wrongheaded ideas. I also pride myself on my diplomacy.
Of course, if you ever write anything even remotely negative about chocolate, it’s all over.
Chocolate is the best…except white chocolate, which is just a shameful misnomer.
You are a diplomat, supremely subtle.
Frickin’ frackin’, Oma. You’ve ruined everything. I never stopped to think about why I liked pumpkin and whether or not it was worthy to be food. And then, like someone ‘blurting’ out the murderer before the mystery is solved you state:
“…you are a vessel for their cinnamon and nutmeg lust. You are a delivery system for spices.”
I cannot unsee that! I cannot unread that! I cannot pretend to not realizing what you wrote is ….gasp… true! Ding dangity. It is the cinnamon and nutmeg. Frickin’ frackin ….
I’m sorry to have been harsh. We’ve been trying to find a way to tell you because we all care.
I can’t resurrect my original comment when this was first posted but I think it went something like this: $%#@! How in the h$((! can you #$^*&#$ #$#( &^%$ #$$#@ (*!+++*&% %^$ ##@@! **&^^&!!!!
Perhaps I should copy that down for your 2012 revisit of this slanderous post. ;-\
Every (*^$$# year until you stop eating the Halloween decorations for Thanksgiving dessert!
You have relieved my burden forever. From now on, when asked to explain my disdain for pumpkin anything, I will stay silent and hand off a printed link to this post. Thank you.
Don’t give up. They’ll see we’re right. Whipped cream comes with so many other things.
This post almost literally made me figuratively spray my monitor with my pumpkin spice latte. Orange you impressed by that?
I say there’s pumpkin again, jumping in to “help” where no help is needed.
But why carve pumpkins instead of watermelons?
At least there’s something people like on the inside. I’m in.
Pumpkins are awesome. You’re so wrong on this one!
Nuh uh!
Whipped cream is the only reason I eat pumpkin pie, it’s actually the only time of the year I consume either of those foods.
If you ask nicely, you can get whipped cream on apple pie and you wont have to suffer eating a non food pie.
Amen! I hate pumpkin. I got a text the other week declaring the arrival of pumpkin scones at Starbucks. I was in mourning all day.
Pumpkin insists on intruding on established food.
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Pumpkin beer? Are you sure?!!
Yes. It is shameful. I tried some once, because the predominant portion of what was there was beer. It was awful.
. . . I have 2 large cansof pumpkin in my pantry right now, and plans for both ‘regular’ pumpking pie and pumpkin cream pie this weekend. . .
. . .and I ALWAYS chave cans of pumpkin in my pantry. For when the craving for pumpkin spice loaf hits me or my friends (they like it best out of all my loafs…)
so you can probably guess where I stand on the pumpkin as food thing 😛
(I do always make sure the people I’m sharing a turkey weekend feast with LIKE pumpkin before I decide what pie to bring, though! I won’t force pumpkin on the unwilling. . . )
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