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The Policies Of My Administration: Ponchos

The weather is turning cool. People are adjusting their wardrobes to suit the weather. When I hopped out of the car this morning to pick up my breakfast I grabbed my jacket to keep me warm. Once inside, I saw something that jarred me. I realized it was a matter my administration would have to address.

That something was a woman wearing a poncho.

I oppose the poncho. If you own one of these garments and want to be in compliance when my administration comes to power, you should start shopping now for a proper coat.

Disclaimer

English: Mexican Revolution leader Pancho Villa

Pancho Villa, not wearing a poncho. But I

Please don’t construe this policy to mean that my administration opposes any person named Pancho. Your neighbor, Pancho, is OK by me. I’m sure he is a good guy.

I also don’t mind…

…Pancho, that man who works in the accounting department.

…Pancho, the kid my son went to middle school with.

…your landlord, Pancho.

…any pets named Pancho, but especially dogs. I just like dogs.

I do not have an axe to grind with anyone named Pancho. Not even Pancho Villa. Mr. Villa never did anything to me and we have no gripe, despite what you might have read in the gossip rags.

Why No Ponchos?

English: Two poncho wearers

What are they looking at? They should be looking at getting a real coat.Image via Wikipedia

The poncho is just a blanket with a hole in it. Blankets are wonderful, but cutting a hole in one and dropping it over your head changes everything.

No one looks good in a poncho. It just hangs on the wearer’s body like, well, a blanket. And if you do anything with your arms, you expose them to the cold weather that the poncho purports to protect you from.

If a person chooses to eat while wearing a poncho, things get worse. Lifting food to the mouth also raises half a blanket worth of fabric up to catch spills and drips. No one wants to see what you had for lunch when you return to the office with it streaked on your poncho.

A Special Note To Camping Guys

I have a lot of friends who are camping guys. Camping guys always have rain ponchos. Not little emergency rain ponchos. They are big heavy ponchos with metal grommets in the corners so they can build stuff out of several ponchos. Camping guys love their ponchos. They are screaming as they read this. They wonder how they will camp in the rain without ponchos.

Part of the failed pro-poncho campaign called "chicks dig gauchos in ponchos." No one believed it.

Camping guys, I don’t expect you to camp in the rain. I think when it is raining you should stay home and do something else. You have a roof. Use it. Yes, I know you had plans to camp this weekend even though it is going to pour. That’s why God invented next weekend.

So…

When I take over, blankets will be blankets. Blankets with holes in them will be trash, not outer wear.

Poncho and Pancho will remain unfortunate homonyms. One of them will still be your neighbor, my administration will ban the other one.

The policy is coming. Plan and conduct yourself accordingly.

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40 Comments on “The Policies Of My Administration: Ponchos”

  1. AiXeLsyD13 says:

    What about amusement park ponchos for water rides?

  2. Jason says:

    I’m with you on this. I especially hate the designs that come on the super heavy sweater ponchos.

  3. But ponchos are like snuggies with style. There is something very appealing about wearing a blanket. Ask Linus.

    I am, however, impressed that you were able to use the word “grommet” without “Wallace.”

  4. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    I’m against all clothing that lacks armholes. Armholes are the anchors that keep the item of clothing aligned correctly. Besides, ponchos have no real front or back. That ambiguity is something I cannot abide. I’ll help enforce this policy of yours, Oma, by carrying scissors with me. When I see a poncho wearer, the poncho will become a tablecloth. An ugly one, yes. But at least people won’t be encouraged to wear it. Of course, I realize it could become a shawl. I don’t know your policy on that, Oma.

    • omawarisan says:

      I am in favor of tablecloths.

      Shawls are ok, but only for women 55 and up. I don’t know why. on a related note, it will always be against the law to wear a sweater or coat without putting your arms through the arms of the garment.

  5. Lenore Diane says:

    “That’s why God invented next weekend.” Hahahaha, funny stuff.

    Something about the fact that I am enjoying a cup of Starbucks Pumpkin spice coffee, a pumpkin bagel with pumpkin cream cheese while wearing my pumpkin colored poncho leads me to believe I would be shot by your administration. Good thing I am wearing my pumpkin colored bullet-proof vest underneath the poncho.

  6. Concur–only Clint Eastwood can pull it off–and i think you need a little cigar while you’re at it.

  7. Katybeth says:

    Love My Martha Stewart get out of jail pancho. Looks great over jeans and leggings with boots (or so I have been told) and is very comfortable and warm. It’s not bulky so food to mouth is not hard

    However I will humor your administration and not wear my pancho with my crocs, while eating pumpkin soup.

    Kb

    In case you do not know what a Martha Stewart get out of jail pancho looks like…
    http://www.people.com/people/gallery/0,,1140667_1100063_931834,00.html

  8. Linda Sand says:

    I have a poncho. Mine is a black lacy thing that packs up small enough to keep in my bag for those restaurants that insist on freezing the customers. Plus, I am over 55 so I could just throw it over my shoulders and call it a shawl if you were with me.

  9. I’m right with you on the poncho thing. But I’m undecided on the Pancho thing.

  10. Betty says:

    I think it starts simply with the word itself: poncho. One of those words that the more you say it, the more awkward it feels coming out. Say it again: poncho. See?

  11. Patricia says:

    As for sweaters…I would ban anyone from wearing a sweater tied around their neck or waist. What’s with that! Just looks stoopid…

  12. Blogdramedy says:

    Well, I just don’t know. Next you’ll be following AARP’s edict of no skinny jeans for women over 50…and that would be WRONG!

    Oh and by the way, I guess you never saw that photo of Christy Turlington in a cashmere poncho, dropped off one shoulder, cinched at the waist and nothing underneath. Just saying you need to do a bit more research…never know what you will discover. đŸ˜‰

  13. Amy says:

    Yeah. People who camp in the rain. What’s up with them? “That’s why God invented next weekend.” Ha!!
    I’m totally in agreement about this whole poncho thing. It’s like a skirt that you wear around your neck. Weird.

  14. Pie says:

    I agree with Thomas Stazyk. A poncho looks cool on Clint Eastwood so maybe you’re being a little hasty. But then again, we have Ugly Betty. And that cat cape (thanks, AiXeLsyD13).

    OK, you’ve won me over… ban ’em!

  15. planetross says:

    Maybe you will have a referendum: a “Ponchoice:PonLife” type of deal.

    note: I definitely don’t want a “pauncho” … or a gut … or something like that.

  16. How bout a two headed poncho to wear with my wife at the movies?


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