Larry King – Let’s Pay To Have Him Frozen.Posted: December 12, 2011
Not long ago, I wrote of the folly of having oneself frozen. In the more distant past, I have written of the alien we call Larry King. Last week, Larry King revealed that he wanted to be frozen and brought back when medical science could cure whatever ails him.
I can’t ignore that.
Larry King: Alien
I have no scientific proof, but I am fairly certain that Larry King is from another planet. Look at him. Big triangular head. Wide, wrinkled forehead. Whenever you see a drawing of an alien, does it not have a triangular head with a big wrinkly forehead? Ipso facto, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Larry King is an alien.
The prosecution rests, your honor.
I think it is possible that Larry King roams the Earth, using some sort of alien mind control to get human women to snap his suspenders – if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
Last year, Larry was on the way to being divorced from his earthling wife. It was said that one of the reasons for the discord in his home (pod, or whatever it is that he lives in) was that he got his wife’s sister to snap his suspenders (if you know what I’m saying). But then,as suddenly as they separated, everything became OK. He and his earthling reconciled.
How is this possible? No normal person does that with his wife’s sister. No normal person gets away with that. The only plausible explanation for this behavior is my alien theory. Larry King is an alien who consumes earth women.
What Can We Do?
The only way to stop Larry King is to give him what he wants. No, not more women. Larry King must be frozen. We’ve got to freeze him as soon as possible.
If we can get him frozen, he will finally be under our control. We decide when he gets thawed out. Medical science doesn’t get a vote. We won’t allow some document he files before he gets chilled to affect our decision. We grant his wish, we decide when he gets thawed. If we allow Larry King to decide when he gets frozen, we also allow Larry to decide when he is thawed.
Taking charge of this situation and getting him frozen on our terms is the only responsible course of action for us to take. If we allow Larry to have himself thawed we doom future generations of women to, well, you know what I’m saying. I can not stomach the idea of my great-granddaughters dodging this alien coot’s advances. We need him frozen now.
I am starting a fund to pay for Larry to be kept frozen. Send money. Fill an ice tray. Do it for your great-granddaughter.