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Larry King – Let’s Pay To Have Him Frozen.

English: Larry King attending a ceremony for B...

You see it, don't you?

Not long ago, I wrote of the folly of having oneself frozen. In the more distant past, I have written of the alien we call Larry King. Last week, Larry King revealed that he wanted to be frozen and brought back when medical science could cure whatever ails him.

I can’t ignore that.

Larry King: Alien

I have no scientific proof, but I am fairly certain that Larry King is from another planet. Look at him. Big triangular head. Wide, wrinkled forehead. Whenever you see a drawing of an alien, does it not have a triangular head with a big wrinkly forehead? Ipso facto, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Larry King is an alien.

The prosecution rests, your honor.

I think it is possible that Larry King roams the Earth, using some sort of alien mind control to get human women to snap his suspenders – if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

Larry King and his wife's sister. What's wrong with this picture? Larry King is in it.

Last year, Larry was on the way to being divorced from his earthling wife. It was said that one of the reasons for the discord in his home (pod, or whatever it is that he lives in) was that he got his wife’s sister to snap his suspenders (if you know what I’m saying). But then,as suddenly as they separated, everything became OK. He and his earthling reconciled.

How is this possible? No normal person does that with his wife’s sister. No normal person gets away with that. The only plausible explanation for this behavior is my alien theory. Larry King is an alien who consumes earth women.

What Can We Do?

The only way to stop Larry King is to give him what he wants. No, not more women. Larry King must be frozen. We’ve got to freeze him as soon as possible.

If we can get him frozen, he will finally be under our control. We decide when he gets thawed out. Medical science doesn’t get a vote. We won’t allow some document he files before he gets chilled to affect our decision. We grant his wish, we decide when he gets thawed. If we allow Larry King to decide when he gets frozen, we also allow Larry to decide when he is thawed.

Taking charge of this situation and getting him frozen on our terms is the only responsible course of action for us to take. If we allow Larry to have himself thawed we doom future generations of women to, well, you know what I’m saying. I can not stomach the idea of my great-granddaughters dodging this alien coot’s advances. We need him frozen now.

I am starting a fund to pay for Larry to be kept frozen. Send money. Fill an ice tray. Do it for your great-granddaughter.

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18 Comments on “Larry King – Let’s Pay To Have Him Frozen.”

  1. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    I thought he was already frozen, or at least dehydrated. No matter – it’s a given. There are human females on this planet who have a thing for aliens. I’ve seen this category listed on Match.com. These women think that just because an alien has a large, triangular head, it makes them intelligent and sexy. Ugh. I can’t believe I used that word on a post about Larry King.

    Can we do something about Hugh Hefner while we’re at it, too?

  2. Boy. A Larry-King-icicle. Kind of puts the “cry” in cryogenics, doesn’t it?

  3. Anonymous says:

    As a member of the jury, I’ve heard your argument, and I vote for “FREEZE!” And now.
    I think his wife should be frozen and studied as well. Who forgives a guy for ‘snapping around’ with her sister. Wait – didn’t she cheat on him, too? With a pool guy, or something?

  4. Lenore Diane says:

    Fill an ice-tray. That’s funny, Oma.
    My apologies if I sound rude: Let’s not and say we did.

  5. Jane says:

    I will donate two brand new ice trays to the cause. We need a society or formal organization for successful fund-, tray-, ice-raising.

    Let’s call it The 3FLK Foundation– The Friends For Freezing Larry King Foundation. We may become a 503c Non-Profit for tax purposes. I volunteer to be the official Director (with appropriate non-profit director’s salary).

    Thank you for your unwavering dedication to the safety of our daughters and for your forward- thinking, proactive, and preventative ideas.

  6. “Snapping his suspenders”…thanks for that image, Oma…never going to get that out of my head! EWWW!

    I’m still trying to figure out how his head is going to fit into the ice cube tray…

    Wendy

  7. Yes! And I think he’s taken over the body of that Piers guy and made him even more irritating.

  8. sekanblogger says:

    Let’s preserve the suspenders collection first.
    I’m not sure, but I think Larry was frozen in time ages ago.

  9. Betty says:

    I thought he was already dead.

  10. […] a while know that the only other “person” I’ve said was an alien is Larry King. My case regarding Mr. King has been thoroughly proven. My case vis-a-vis Ms. Aniston is equally […]


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