When I Am Rich: Cool Kim Jong Il Car

What a cool idea. (image via

I think it is only proper to start out by expressing my condolences to the Kim family in North Korea. What a bummer to have, in the midst of the holiday season, lost a patriarch and a fashion icon. A moment of silence, please.

Enough of that. I thought coverage of the funeral in North Korea was riveting. By riveting, I think I mean I saw a really cool idea. An idea that I will throw a ton of my blog profits into. I am really into that car with that giant, framed painting of Kim mounted on the roof. I’m going to get one. Not of him, of me.  I’ll probably get more than one, because I think it is such a cool thing.

Yeah, That Car

That cool car with the giant painting was the star of the funeral. How could a guy who had built such a cult of personality around himself miss out on the value of the giant painting car while he was alive? I will not miss the opportunity of riding around in my own such car.

I can’t tell if The Great Leader’s funeral painting car was one-sided or two. I would be sure to have a two-sided painting. Kim Jong Il’s car only says “here comes Kim Jong Il”. I want my car to say “here comes Omawarisan” and “there he goes”. I have some temptation to have the painting facing the back of the car depict the back of my head because I think it emphasizes the “there he goes” aspect. I like to go.

A good arrival and departure is important when you are someone like me, raking in the internet’s riches by keeping himself in the public eye. Every “here he comes” and “there he goes” is money in the bank, whether the speaker likes me or not.

Practical Concerns

The concern that immediately comes to mind about this car, despite the immense cool factor, is that it really is not going to do well with underpasses. Shearing your portrait off on a railroad bridge that crosses your path will shear off the cool factor simultaneously. Even after I become aware of the hazard, causing traffic backups with sudden u-turns or stops won’t be well received by my fellow motorists.

That is why I will get my research and development department to begin developing a GPS system with a setting to avoid overpasses. If they can have a setting to avoid toll roads, I am certain a setting can be developed to avoid overpasses. This will help me more efficiently route myself. I will also be able to sell this new technology to other giant portrait car owners and further enrich myself.

Sonic Drive in at night in Jacksonville, AR.

Precludes a portrait car. (Image via Wikipedia)

My friend, Todd, points out that I would not be able to go to Sonic. This is a good point and a valid concern. It doesn’t surprise me that he would be of good counsel on this matter. He is right. I would not be able to pull up and access the curb service.

There are trade offs for the car’s cool factor. While you can’t drive it up under the awning, you can call your order in and pull up out front. The people inside can look out, see that you’ve arrived and just bring your food out.

I’m going to buy Todd his own portrait car because he tells me things I need to hear, like how I should be concerned about going to Sonic. But I am also going to do it because his children are younger than my son. I think he will see the value of picking them up from activities in his portrait car.

My son is in college. I think we can all imagine how picking him up in my portrait car will go. I’ll pull up in front of his dorm. He’d get in and just say “drive, old man, drive.” I’d laugh all the way home.

The big problem would be fuel economy. That’s why I’d have to go hybrid as soon as possible. Kim Jong Il’s portrait car was a one time only vehicle for a three-hour funeral. I value the environment and green technology, so I’ll want to get away from 1970’s Lincoln’s as soon as possible.

Money Poorly Well Spent

Like most of my spending when the blog makes me rich, this is more practical than I intend it to be. I dig the “here comes Oma” factor. I love the idea of picking my son up on campus in my portrait car. But like so many of my other purchases, this wild purchase will just make me better known and increase my blog income.

Yup, here comes Oma. Here comes prosperity.


23 Comments on “When I Am Rich: Cool Kim Jong Il Car”

  1. What is that on the car behind the Oma car?

  2. Jason says:

    I’m definitely into getting a portrait car too. Amazing idea.

  3. Todd Pack says:

    Automatic car washes would be a problem, too. You’d have to wash your car by hand, so there’s that to consider.

  4. I want a car like that. I don’t care whose photo is on it. I will be able to find my car in a parking lot.

  5. Laura says:

    Rather than having a rigid frame, you could have your picture on a fabric screen, with a framework you could raise and lower using a hydraulic system controlled by buttons inside the car. Or you could install sensors on the hood that would detect overpasses and raise and lower the picture automatically.

    Actually, instead of a static picture, you could have an LED screen on which you can project different pictures of yourself, depending on your mood.

  6. Damn, just how scared do you have to be to fear a dead man so bad, you do shit like this…..He’s just one less wart off the ass of society.


  7. Spectra says:

    May I hand-Paint the Oma portrait for your big ol’ portrait-car?

  8. Why stop at just the picture? Maybe on the sides you should add something about “Down with Pumpkins.”

    Maybe you should also consider adding a parking space finder to the GPS because you won’t be able to use a parking garage.

    Ooooooor…what if the picture goes up and down, like a convertible top? Am I putting too much thought into this?

  9. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    Kim Jong Il’s portrait on that car cries out for graffiti. Wish they had taggers in North Korea. I comfort myself knowing that at least a few of the minions in that crowd went home and once indoors, muttered, “What a pompous oaf.”

  10. omawarisan says:

    Maybe they built deformed snowmen of him out of the snow they made them shovel off the funeral route.

  11. Pie says:

    There are no words…

  12. It’s good that you have Todd to point out such useful things! The portrait might also make it difficult to cross borders…that’s probably why The Jolie doesn’t have one!


  13. […] During Kim Jong Il’s funeral, there was this really cool old car with his painting mounted on the roof. Remember that? I loved that idea, and declared my love for that car in a very public way. […]

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