The Michelin Man’s Perv Brother: An Art CritiquePosted: February 20, 2012
After my first venture into art criticism, my foray into that field stopped. It wasn’t because of a lack of desire, it was that I could not find a suitable painting to critique. And then came yesterday.
I was on my way to my favorite coffee-house, Smelly Cat Coffeehouse, for a hot chocolate, skim milk, shot of raspberry, no whipped cream. About a block from The Cat, I saw the painting I’d been looking for. I couldn’t believe it. I’d been driving past it for weeks without really paying it the attention that art like this deserves.
The painting that I will be critiquing is part of a sign for a used tire store. The artist painted it directly on the brick wall of the building housing the business. I don’t know who the artist is. I’m certain it is not Picasso. I am also sure that it is not Jean Calomeni.
Behold, the subject of this critique:
Because I don’t know the artist, I don’t know what he or she intended this work to be called. This entitles me, as an art critic, to make my own title for the painting. I have decided to call this painting Bib, The Michelin Man’s Perv Brother, In A Loin Cloth.
Generally, I caution people against too closely examining anyone wearing a loin cloth. I’ll make an exception in this case. I’ve already looked the painting over and can attest that it is safe for you.
I think the most striking thing about this work is the loin cloth. It is an unusual wardrobe choice. This is someone who wants to hide his valve stem, but he doesn’t want to hide it very much.
The color choice is interesting. Bib, The Michelin Man, is a stark white color. The artist clearly modeled this work upon him, but chose to go with a grayer skin tone. Perhaps it indicates an illness – an illness intended to draw the consumer into making a purchase out of sympathy. If this is the case, I find it shameful. It is unethical to feign illness for financial gain, even in a portrait.
The peace sign is a nice touch. It harkens back to the 1960’s and ’70’s, while delivering a hopeful message for today’s dangerous world.
Most curious of all the elements of this painting is the posture of the subject. Stooped over, with legs spread shoulder width and bent at the knees is not a way of standing that we commonly see. It is generally accepted in Western culture that standing up straight projects an air of confidence and trustworthiness. The stooped, bowlegged posture depicted is not body language that we like to see from those we do business with. It is an odd choice for an art piece meant to draw customers.
I will enjoy this depiction of Bib The Michelin Man’s Perv Brother, In A Loin Cloth whenever I go for hot chocolate. It is odd, and far from a museum piece, but perhaps that is part of its appeal. Or something like that.
See art that needs criticism? Send me a photo! No, seriously, send them. Please.