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The Policies Of My Administration: The Double Quarter Pounder With Cheese

McDonald's in Paris' Chinatown. They may or may not call it the Royale with Cheese (public domain image via wikimedia)

Friends, we all know that my administration will focus on two things: fixing things that bother me, and taking on the issues other rulers have not taken on. Now that I think about it, those two things overlap. That means that my administration is about 2 1/2 things.Wait, not 2 1/2. Make it 1 1/2.

My administration is about somewhere between 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 things. I’ll get my best people on figuring that out and get right back to you on it. My problem with fractions brings me to the subject of this policy: The McDonald’s Double Quarter Pounder With Cheese.

Even I Know Something Is Wrong There

I have an issue with this sandwich. It doesn’t bother me that it has enough beef related unpleasantness to clog an artery the size of a water main. I just opt out of eating it.

My problem isn’t with the nutritional value of the sandwich. The name of the sandwich is the issue.

Despite my demonstrated lack of ability with fractions, there is one thing about fractions I am sure of. One quarter, plus one quarter equals one half – not a double quarter. One half. The burger is one half of one pound (pre-cooked weight) of meat. To be sure, that half pound is in two quarters, but serving them together in the same bun makes them one unit – a  half pound unit.

4/4ths Of My Policy

My administration will correct the error McDonald’s has pushed on the public with their poorly named sandwich. The chain will have a choice. They can…

…add an advertising slogan (that I have created for them) to their marketing for the sandwich in question. The slogan will be “The sandwich for people who aren’t so good with fractions.”

OR…

… change the name of the sandwich to The Half Pounder.

This is a reasonable policy, with some flexibility for the corporation to use some discretion on how to correct the problem they created.

While I’m At It

Mug shot on the day of his final arrest.

Psycho killer, Qu'est-ce que c'est (Image via Wikipedia)

The clown, Ronald. He has to go. He is the creepiest clown since John Wayne Gacy.

Sure, he hasn’t killed anyone.

Wait, maybe he has.

Has anyone seen Grimace recently?

What about Mayor McCheese?

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38 Comments on “The Policies Of My Administration: The Double Quarter Pounder With Cheese”

  1. AiXeLsyD13 says:

    McDonald has been phased out over the years, perhaps due to his indiscretions & disappearing friends.

    I’m with you on the name change… as long as we don’t start calling it a Double Royale with Cheese.

  2. Wendi says:

    It’s actually a very clever marketing ploy….most of us are bad with fractions so we hear Double Quarter Pounder but don’t make the connection that it equals a half pound.

    The very thought of that is making my stomach turn.

  3. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    I’m for truth in advertising, too. So, that’s why I think they should call it, “A big mess of artery clogging meat and cheese lard.”

  4. Spectra says:

    Well, if they really valued honesty in their sandwich names, they’d call it McDead Cow Burger. A half pound of McDead Cow doesn’t sound like so much now, does it? No, not when you compare it to the 499.5 lbs of dead cow you didn’t eat. They might even rename it the 1/500th McCow Burger. That name surely reduces the inferred caloric intake by…well, by lots of fractions.

  5. The last time I went to McDonalds for lunch (over a year ago) I ordered a 6 piece chicken nugget meal. I got 7 nuggets. I don’t think it’s limited to just fractions. I think it’s math in general.

  6. Please forgive the incoherent nature of my reply. I’m in a hypoglycemic state and I just stopped in for a cheeseburger but now I’m trying to do math and my head kind of hurts.

    What I’m trying to say is: aren’t all clowns creepy by nature?

    And this: I can’t wait for your administration. It’s how I get through every day, thinking one day O will be in power and everything will be better. Or more fun. And set to mariachi music.

  7. Jane says:

    While your proposition makes perfect sense, won’t customers feel that they are only getting one item for the price of two? At least the double quarter-pounder gives them two things for the price of two, or double for the price of one. Why not offer quadruple eighths for the ultimate bargain? This is starting to be fun!

  8. Debbie says:

    Does anybody nowadays eat a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese?? I mean, that’s a heart attack waiting to happen, isn’t it? As for Ronald, yes, please, I’m with the Hipster — ALL clowns are creepy. Ban them when you take over and spare future generations certain phobias!

  9. Lenore Diane says:

    Wait. Was this about math or food? Are any quarters being given away? Can I have fries?
    Oh – it’s not a quarter of a pound, it is actually a half pound – because it is two quarters. Can I just get a shake? Math scares me.

  10. tsanda says:

    Oma. The Denver Ronald McDonald House has this outside still.

    People keep stealing it and then it returns miraculously. Or maybe Ronald doesn’t like being taken and starts killing sprees to get home.

  11. I physically entered a McDonald’s on Sunday for the first time in about 30 years. Never again.

  12. Laura says:

    How much cheese does a double quarter pounder with cheese have, compared to a regular quarter pounder with cheese? The name “double quarter pounder with cheese” implies that both the meat and cheese are doubled, whereas “half pounder with cheese” doesn’t really say anything about cheese quantities.

    • omawarisan says:

      Half pounder with cheese would require them to count on their reputation as a responsible enterprise who would provide sufficient cheese in proportion to meat.

      Yeah, they’ve got problems.

  13. shoutabyss says:

    Yes, it equals one half. It’s actually very clever of you to notice. But one half pound is only the weight before cooking! And then you have to factor in additives and such. I hear they even inject “beef flavor” just to piss off the vegetarians!

    Actual weight after cooking turns out to be 21 / 70ths, which is what I think they should call it.

  14. shoutabyss says:

    The clown has to go? Turns out he already died. It was simultaneous heart attack, diabetes and total organ failure.

  15. Mrs. Shouts from the Abyss says:

    OMG, you had me at fractions! Don’t tell Shouts this, but I’m pretty sure after reading your brilliant post, I’m at least 1/16th of a fraction in total love with you. Now, of to get myself a juicy Half Pounder…with cheese!

  16. spencercourt says:

    I’m with “Jane”; “double” sounds Similarly, I’d rather half six bagels than half-a-dozen. Six is plentiful; half is wanting….


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