The Policies Of My Administration: CarpoolsPosted: March 26, 2012
My staff is hard at work, preparing policies that will be put in place when I come to power. The Omawarisan administration will usher in an era of common sense and consideration for others.
Upon my passing, historians will compare my reign to all the other people who’ve ruled the world. They will say things like “this was a man”. They will also say things like “of all the incognito emperors of the world, Omawarisan was certainly one of them”.
Perhaps I need to get the staff involved in finding better historians.
So Yeah, Carpools
My administration will be very much in favor of carpooling. It is economical, environmentally friendly and reduces traffic congestion.
I’ve also decided that carpooling helps people be productive. I don’t have anything to back that up, I just decided that it is the truth. It just seems to me that someone who spends their commute with someone they like is going to be in a better frame of mind than someone who travels alone, listening to some clown ranting on AM radio.
So, I’ll make sure my administration does everything possible to facilitate environmentally friendly transportation, including carpools. Unfortunately, there is always someone who has to ruin things for everyone else. I know this is true, because the nun that taught me in first grade told me. I think she had a tattoo that said that. If she couldn’t find one of us to prove she was correct in her belief, she was fully capable of ruining things on her own.
Maybe I need a nun policy. Maybe later. In this case, the someones who ruin carpooling for everyone else are couples who ride to work together. Their lack of consideration of their fellow motorists will not be tolerated by my administration.
Read And Heed
When I take over, couples who ride to work together will have to follow a few simple rules or face consequences:
- Decide who will be dropped off first. That person should not be driving. It will no longer be acceptable to block traffic, get out of the drivers seat, gather your things and walk into your office while everyone else waits behind your car for your spouse to get out, walk around, get in the front seat, adjust the mirrors, and drive away.
- Those being dropped off should be ready to get out of the car. You know where you work. No one should have to wait behind you in traffic while you gather coats, briefcases, lunches, purses and laptops.
- Have your little goodbye scene before you stop in traffic in front of your drop off point. You love each other, we get that. We’ll all be happier about your abiding bond if you’ll just hurry up and get out of the car so the rest of us can get on with our lives.
My staff is working on how these rules will be enforced, and what penalties violators will face. A big part of me is inclined to say we will just take people’s cars. But it is really tempting to say that people should be allowed to crash into cars of inconsiderate car pool couples.
Today is Monday. If you sat in traffic behind inconsiderate carpoolers, relief is coming.
The Blurt Blog Press Conference for 2012 is going to start this Friday, March 30. Get your questions ready! If you missed last years presser, here is the link to the 2011 edition. The sky is the limit on the questions.