Slugs – Nature’s Mistake, My Fear.Posted: March 28, 2012
Spring has sprung.
So much changes this time of year. It is a time of renewal. The weather gets better. The days get longer. Song birds return.
I live in fear
Warmth, birds, sunshine. What’s to be afraid of? This is the time of year for my nemesis to return. Eyes on stalks. One foot. No shell. Slugs.
Slugs. Nature’s repulsive mistake. They creep me out. I know they can’t harm me, but they disgust me so much that I’ll go to whatever length I must to avoid them.
They Prowl The Night
When darkness falls, slugs go on walkabout. By morning they’re gone. Slimy footprints mark where they’ve been. Mostly they seem to enjoy being around things I need to touch. Things like a tool left in the yard and the morning paper. And the ground. They insist on being on the ground I need to walk on.
Yes, the ground. My ground. I’m a barefooted kind of guy. How can I run outside with my big Fred Flintstone feet to take the trash out at night with those disgusting creatures sliding around under foot? What if I step on one? I know what would happen.
If I stepped on a slug when I was barefooted I would have to have a foot transplant. I’m certain that would be the only thing that would cure the huge case of heebie-jeebies that I would get from the experience.
I’ve stepped on a slug once before. It took forever for me to get that sensation off my skin. I could not wipe my foot off enough. I resolved then never to live with that feeling again.
I like my feet. They keep me from tipping over so easily. But if I ever step on a slug again, I will go right to work on a telethon to raise money for a double foot transplant. Why both feet? Because my other foot would never be the same after living through the trauma of the slug squashing event suffered by its partner.
Spring is here. So is my nemesis. I’ve got my flip-flops near the door.
No one really likes telethons.