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The Blurt Blog 2012 Press Conference

Good day everyone and welcome to the Second Annual Blurt Press Conference. (pause for applause)

Omawarisan will be here shortly to take your questions. Before he arrives, I’d like to take care of a few housekeeping issues.

 

Español: Teleprompter de podium

I can look left or right, either way. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • Feel free to ask questions about any topic. In this case, please take any topic to mean not questions of religion or politics. Oma’s positions on these matters are simple: on religion – “we all choose our beliefs and we aren’t wrong” and on politics – “it isn’t our job to convince one another which politician is better, it is theirs. As long as we’re yelling at one another, no one is yelling at them and we lose.”
  • Do not feel constrained to ask about topics you believe he may know about.
  • Please ask follow-up questions if you have them.
  • The press conference will run until Monday morning.

I see Omawarisan approaching the podium now. He is wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a 1970 Brooks Robinson Baltimore Orioles jersey. Let’s go to the stage…

Hello everyone, thank you for coming.

Before I get started, let me say that I appreciate each of you who take the time to read the words that have to come out of me. It means a lot to me that so many of you come back. Thanks very much.

The Jolie is still out there on the road. Her Atlanta adventure will be posted on Monday morning. She’s headed to the Georgia coast, then to The Virgin Islands and then hopefully off to London.

I’m always on the lookout for art for my series of art critiques. If you see bad art, snap a picture and send it over!

And the first question is…

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43 Comments on “The Blurt Blog 2012 Press Conference”

  1. Todd Pack says:

    Could you explain the appeal of Bob Dylan, because I don’t get it. He can’t sing or, let’s be honest, play the harmonica, and I think a good argument could me made that his lyrics cross the line from “enigmatic” to “pretentiously nonsensical.” I’ll hang up and listen to your answer over the radio.

    • Yeah, good one, Todd. I want to know the answer to that one, too. He is revered, but I just don’t get it. Although this is the first time I have admitted that 🙂

    • Snoring Dog Studio says:

      I will join in on this one, too. However, I do love the song, “Lay Lady Lay.” If that is the correct name.

    • omawarisan says:

      Good question, Todd. Let me start by saying that it is a shame you can’t hear me, because I do a killer imitation of Dylan speaking.

      Dylan has that unique ability to string together lyrics that you rightly call pretentiously nonsensical, then drop one really good line in there so you think it is a great song.

      Strangely enough, I don’t really like Dylan’s voice in his early work, but now that it is an unintelligble growl, I like it better. I have a theory that he is somehow partly the late Eartha Kitt, whose appearances on the old Batman TV show terrify me to this day. Bob was a fine harp player until he started channeling her.

      Despite all this, I can’t stop listening.

      And Eartha Kitt terrifies me from beyond the grave.

      • Todd Pack says:

        Sir, one quick follow-up question: You’ve got admit, though, that Bob Dylan’s commercial for Victoria’s Secret was kind of creepy.

      • omawarisan says:

        Be careful about publicly admitting Dylan confusion. The cool kids will scorn you.

        Also, my staff has located an example of his ability to go on and on in lyrics and then boom…the one line that makes you (ok, me) say oooh I like that song.

        This is my favorite Dylan song. It goes on and on and on and on. Then the last line – “if God was on our side, he’s stop the next war.” Money.

    • Thank you for asking the question that I’ve been afraid to ask for years.

  2. Lenore Diane says:

    First, thank you for giving us this opportunity to have our questions answered. I appreciate your time, Sir.
    Okay, please tell me why our dogs want to be inside when they are outside and outside when they are inside.
    Thank you.

    • omawarisan says:

      The dog race was destined for evolutionary success. They can live anywhere, are faster than us and they can catch their own food. They can catch their own food, but they are smart enough to get us to just give it to them.

      Also, they work co-operatively. If dogs were elected to congress we would have a functional legislature because they work well together.

      That said, they have one major flaw. They can be indecisive and get hung up on fine details, like in versus out.

      And they eat their poop, so there’s that too.

  3. Wendi says:

    Oma, two part question. Have you purchased a Mega Millions ticket? If you were to hit the HALF A BILLION DOLLAR jackpot, what would your administration do with that influx of revenue?

    • omawarisan says:

      I have never bought a lottery ticket. I’ve thought about it, but I will admit to being a little intimidated by the process. I don’t understand which games require me to give them the numbers I want and which are the ones where I take the numbers I’m given and be grateful for them.

      When I get over that feeling, if I win, I think part of the money will go toward the purchase of an island very close to the equator. I’ll do that partly so that I get the obvious climate advantages and can fly my friends down in a seaplane.

      The other reason is so I can point out the equator to people. For instance, you, The Mistah, and I might be sitting at my bar. I will say “see that red line out there? That is the equator.” You will say that you thought that line was only on maps and globes.

      “Yup, until I had it installed.”

  4. Recently I heard America’s “Horse With No Name” and starting waxing nostalgic. I never understood that song. You’re a music whiz. What is that song about?

    And, as a follow up, why do they call it ‘waxing nostalgic’?

    • omawarisan says:

      Thank you for waxing nostalgic. It was looking kind of shabby.

      Horse With No Name is about when the world evolved from being 2 to 3 dimentional. Going thru the desert refers to the world being flat and featureless. Then, when he gets to the sea he refers to it being “a desert with its life underground.” To be underground implies a third dimension.

      The horse itself is a vehicle to represent the passage of time leading up to the discovery of the third dimension. Also, it is just a vehicle.

      Jackson Browne said that “time heals all wounds, but time will steal you blind”. That has nothing to do with your question. I just like Jackson Browne.

      • No, no, I see the connection: you started off with “shabby.” In the context of music, that particular album cover was an inescapable image. That also has nothing to do with my question. I like Jackson Browne, too.

  5. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    In your administration, which I hope comes to fruition soon, would you consider installing a spanking machine in Congress to take care of the baddies and their naughty behavior?

    • omawarisan says:

      When I take power as the incognito emperor of the world, I will rule out selfserving behavior by politicians. Interested in helping people? Good, youre in. More interested in preserving your own butt? Removed.

      And spanked.

      No one’s ideas are all wrong or all right. It seems that nowadays folks refuse to believe that.

  6. AiXeLsyD13 says:

    From where do you draw inspiration while blogging? Do ideas just “hit” you?

    • omawarisan says:

      It seems as if it comes in fits and starts. I just see things and they strike me. What really surprises me is that I start writing and end up places I did not originally plan to be.

      I try to make a note when I see potential topics. It drives me nuts when I think of something then lose it. Sometimes I start something and I dont like it. I leave it and come back to it months later and do something else with it. I recycle.

      You write at an amazing pace. I could never keep up.

      • AiXeLsyD13 says:

        I find myself coming up with ideas in spurts, then I have dry spells. I have about 10 1-word or 1-sentence “drafts” of stuff I want to get to, eventually.

        You’re quite productive yourself, don’t be so dismissive!

  7. The Oma Today Project Director says:

    The Jolie is still out there on the road. Her Atlanta adventure will be posted on Monday morning.

    Has she seen The Oma? He disappeared around there a couple of months ago. . . I’m worried.

  8. Oma, is there anything you can do about the pumpkin and pumpkin-flavor food epidemic? I know it’s not fall yet, but it’s never too early.

    • omawarisan says:

      My position as an anti-pumpkin crusader is well established.

      Since pumpkin insists on living life as a vessel for some people’s nutmeg lust, I think it is only fitting that we educate children. They ought to know that pumpkin is bad and must not be abided.

      Once I am in charge, pumpkin will return to its status as decoration and cannon fodder. it will leave food and drink alone. until then, pumpkin abstinence education!

  9. k8edid says:

    Oma, if two trains leave Chicago at 4 pm, each traveling south, one at 40 mph and the other at 60 mph, can I get a diet coke?

    • omawarisan says:

      Yes, and no. You can on the 40 mph train, but the trip is too short on the 60 mph train to allow for beverage service.

      If I were you, I would buy a diet coke in the terminal, take the fast train and arrive refreshed. But that’s just one man’a opinion.

      • k8edid says:

        Thanks, Oma. Two follow-up questions, if I may. Surely you will know the answers. First, what’s love got to do with it? Second…have you seen my Jackson Browne CD?

        • omawarisan says:

          For Tina Turner, apparently not much. It was power and control. Ike called it love, but he was weak to start and things got worse as he realized tina was the act, not him. Abusers are jerks.

          Round, silver? No.

          I did find a recording of an old Spanish radio show with him and Warren Zevon playing. It is so good.

  10. Betty says:

    Late to the party. Sorry. Are you a hockey fan and, if so, do you support the twice-in-a-lifetime run of the NY Rangers? I thought I had seen the only Rangers Stanley Cup of my life time in 1994. Have I cursed them by speaking of it?

    • omawarisan says:

      I grew up a Caps fan and worked at the Capital Centre when I was in college. I’m pretty loyal there, though I was glad for Mark Messier to go out strong with that 94 cup.

      I don’t think you jinxed it, you’re cool.

      Ok I’ll admit to backing the canes now and again. But deep down I am always going to be a caps guy.

  11. Omawarison says:

    Ah, yes, Omawarisan. Omawarison here, from the Right-Here-at-Home Times. As the campaign season draws closer, and the schedule of predicted events for the summer seems to be intense even though solutions to certain issues are revealing themselves with your aid, the public here wants to know:

    Would you enjoy a stadium hotdog and popcorn with me at a Knights game before said summer events occur?

  12. Laura says:

    I hope you don’t mind a multi-part question regarding the photo you’ve so helpfully attached:

    1. What are those things coming out of your ears? Are they keeping your head afloat, since it doesn’t seem to be attached to your body?

    2. Actually, no one’s head appears to be attached to their body. What happened to all the necks? And how is it that the other heads are floating in midair instead of crashing to the ground?

    3. Is each head over the body it belongs with, or has someone rearranged them?

    4. Shouldn’t you be calling for an ambulance, or a fleet of ambulances, or something, instead of standing at the podium answering questions?

    • omawarisan says:

      The picture depicts lasers shooting from my ears. I was demonstrating that I am equally accurate with them to my left and right. My head seems to be afloat because my neck feels that much better after my surgery.

      My neck feels so good that people around me feel better, thus the floating heads for everyone in the picture.

      I like the idea of swapping heads on people. I could solve a lot of problems that way.

      I think everyone is ok, until I go to swapping heads.

      • Laura says:

        That makes perfect sense — I’d forgotten all about the neck surgery. I’m glad you’re feeling so much better. And look at you, with your fancy modern ear lasers! Everyone around here still has the traditional eye lasers.

  13. linlah says:

    Does the man in the moon really exist. I’ve wondered about this all my life and have yet to find a satisfactory answer.

    • omawarisan says:

      Linlah, I don’t tell many people this, but satisfaction is my middle name. That’s why I go by my first name.

      Do you remember when you were a kid in the back of a car at night and it looked like the moon was following you? It was.

      The Man In The Moon is responsible for keeping the moon moving and following all children in a reassuring manner.

  14. The Jagged Man says:

    Hi I am with the Late-As-Always-Evening- Blues…err… News. When you become the “the incognito emperor of the world” can you help my beloved Orioles become completive? I think it would be wrong to ask for an outright championship because I believe you should earn that. But a shot, just a shot would be nice.
    Also can you get all Sweet Lard banished from the planet. Thank You

  15. […] questions about potato salad sandwiches, Carly Simon, and the expiration date on poison. In year two there were questions on dogs, waxing nostalgic and Bob Dylan. Get your questions ready now for the […]


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