My Parents Are Clowns: Research And Development Begins

Part three of a series that started here

My parents didn’t become clowns and rest on their laurels.

PVC Pressure Pipe Русский: Напорная ПВХ труба

Clowns and PVC pipe. Nothing good can come from this. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

They were active and spent a lot of hours doing charity visits. Time went by and they kept gluing on their noses, hopping in the (normal sized) car and driving off to clown gigs. There was no sign of them slowing down on the clown thing.

In fact, there were signs that the clown thing was picking up speed.

The House Becomes ClownLab

A lot of experimental clown work went on in the house.

When I came in to the house, I might find everything normal. Or I might walk in and find them at the kitchen table, experimenting with changes to their clown faces. I eventually got used to that happening.

I didn’t really get used to walking in, seeing what was going on and saying things like “Mom, Dad, this is Carolyn. Carolyn, meet my parents Baloney and Salami.” But like a lot of things, it was a bigger problem for me than it was for Baloney, Salami or anyone who filled the Carolyn role.

Prop research and development was constant. My dad experimented with a cowboy clown character and he built a horse to go along with it. Yes, a horse, that he could wear and look like he was riding it down the street.

People who came to our house were liable to be greeted with “for my next trick I’ll need a volunteer”. Ropes were cut and restored. They pulled thirty foot paper streamers from people’s noses. Occasionally, someone’s underwear would be yanked right out from under their clothes.

A friend stopped by the house to see me one evening while I was at work. He hung out with my folks for a while, then headed over to meet me at work. He laughed and told me all about witnessing the début of the latest prop – a giant mallet they’d constructed for my mother to bonk my dad’s head with.

Having parents who wore red and orange wigs was odd. But deep down, I came to think it was pretty cool.

Things Were Not As Bad As I Anticipated

A visit to our house was a treat. So was living there. My parents always welcomed my buddies, who loved them in return. There is a certain appeal to going into a place where a big mallet bonking could happen at any time. Despite and because of the odd things that went on, it was a wonderful place to come of age.

But then came the day that I came home and found a pile of plastic pipe. They were up to something. I just didn’t have any idea what that something could be. I thought about it, but I got nowhere. I could not figure out where clowns and PVC pipe intersected.

I soon learned their terrible secret. My parents were building the ultimate clown device. They had the materials and the plans to build the atomic bomb of clowning, and I was not in a position to institute economic sanctions to stop them.

My worst fears are confirmed in the next chapter.


31 Comments on “My Parents Are Clowns: Research And Development Begins”

  1. AiXeLsyD13 says:

    Economic sanctions aganst the ultimae clown device? You may have the seeds to a John Grisham or Tom Clancy novel, here. Clear and Present Laughter?

    • omawarisan says:

      Ha ha ha, I love that title.

      This device was so sinister and effective at what it did that I shudder just looking at my rough draft of the next edition of this series.

  2. Wendi says:

    Hey, I want the rest of the story!!!! And I really want to meet these parents of yours.

  3. Holy guacamole! I can’t believe you resorted to the Friday cliff-hanger!!!

    I’ll bet Mark Timmons mother warned him to wear clean underwear in case he ended up at that clown house down the block.

  4. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    PVC is the ultimate material for fashioning just about anything. I’d have been quite concerned. I just have to wonder what the folks at the local hardware store were thinking. Did your parents get a Clown Discount?

    • omawarisan says:

      I’m not sure if clowns get a discount or they pay extra. I just know that once the device was operational I paid a horrible price.

      See what I did there? I took a legitimate question and turned it into a metaphor for my suffering. Boom.

  5. mikegee64 says:

    Oh yes, the PVC pipe… You must have mentally blocked out the giant paper mâché horse, and the two-mile, uphill parade where it made it’s debut.

    I wanna write about that one…

  6. Sooooo…do your parents happen to have any extra mallets laying around?

    I always thought the ultimate clown device was the red nose or the squirting flower. Your parents have changed my entire view of clowns.

  7. Omawarison says:

    All of their studies in clown school had to go somewhere! You always have to be practicing and finding ways to integrate tough topics like chuckle calculus, hilarity history, giggle physics, and snicker science to stay well practiced.

    Also, I’ve seen the big mallet and many of its descendents and related gadgets. They were all quite silly. Mommom and Poppop were surely graduated Magna “Clown” Laude.

  8. Debbie says:

    There’s something pretty special about growing up in a house full of laughter. Much better than the alternative, though I have no clue where you’re going with the PVC piping!

  9. The Jagged Man says:

    It is a shame Ozzie never visited your house. I suspect your folks would have made him less “colorful” by their mere presence in his life. But as it stands he is a clown of a different sort. Great series Oma and I cannot wait to find out what clowns make out of PVC pipes.

  10. robincoyle says:

    Baloney and Salami are great clown names. Sure to impress any girlfriend you bring around.

  11. Lenore Diane says:

    See!! I told you it was cool to have clowns as parents. Though, I do wonder about these pipes. The mystery continues…

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  14. […] In the next edition, my parents fire up the research and development department […]

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