Why The North Korean Rocket Launch Failed

The world watched with kimchi bated breath as North Korea prepared and then launched a rocket which, if successful, would give that nation the ability to rain destruction down upon nations around the planet. Less than two minutes after the rocket left the launch pad, it broke up and fell harmlessly into the ocean.

So now the world has stinky kimchi breath and one big question – why did North Korea’s rocket explode? I am ready to answer that question for you.

I am also going to show you why the nation’s leader Kim Jong Eun is taking a bum rap for this disaster.

Analysis Of The North Korean Unha-3 Rocket

My close friends know that I wear many hats. Sometimes I wear them because I don’t want to get sunburn. Other times, my many hats are a metaphor for the fact that I know a lot of stuff and hold many titles. One of my titles is Rocket Surgeon. As a result, I’m well qualified to explain this event to you.

Here is a picture of the rocket:

(image via

As you can see, the rocket is designed to be pointy at the front just as all good rockets should be. There are some Korean characters on the side, but they are of no consequence to the rocket’s design because I do not know what they mean.

What is really critical is that there is fire shooting out of the bottom of the space craft. Fire shooting out of the bottom of a rocket fulfills two purposes: it moves the vehicle up and forward and it makes it look very cool.

The rocket was pointy, with fire. It had everything it needed for success.

Hey, Do You Remember…?

Back at the end of last year, Kim Jong Il died. Luckily, things were all set up for his son, Kim Jong Eun, to take over the family business country.

(image via

But Kim Jong Eun is taking some heat because this rocket blew up while he was running things. This is hardly fair.

Rockets don’t get built over night. Yes, Kim Jong Eun lit the fuse, but his dad built the rocket. He is the one that messed it up.

During Kim Jong Il’s funeral, there was this really cool old car with his painting mounted on the roof. Remember that? I loved that idea, and declared my love for that car in a very public way.

Keep that car in mind. It is the key to this mystery.

And it is a very, very cool car.

Analysis Complete

In the first depiction of the Korean rocket, painted not long after blast off, we see what appears to be a very conventional and successful spacecraft. But then something happened that most people didn’t see. That something caused the explosion.

A panel slid open on the side of the rocket and the vehicle deployed a very unconventional feature, put there by Kim Jong Eun’s predecessor. Observe:

The portrait caused structural stress in the skin of the speeding rocket leading to a catastrophic failure of that spacecraft.

A portrait car is a very cool idea. A portrait rocket is not a good idea and may cause your son to take the blame for something that isn’t his fault.


24 Comments on “Why The North Korean Rocket Launch Failed”

  1. List of X says:

    There is an even simple explanation: the North Korean rocket fell because of the Earth’s gravitation.

    • omawarisan says:

      Yes. That is very true. However, if the rocket had been able to keep its fire pointed in the right direction it would have overcome that problem.

      Fire is really critical for rockets. They have a love hate relationship.

      Welcome to Blurt!

  2. robincoyle says:

    hahahaha. love the graphics.

    • omawarisan says:

      It was just a one in a million that that artist was painting during the brief moment that the portrait was deployed but before it destroyed the rocket. I haven’t seen any photos of that moment yet.

  3. The Jagged Man says:

    And I thought the failure was caused by faulty engineering and sub-par materials. Thanks Oma for setting my straight and bring us the truth.
    Now onto other things: How does one get a portrait car for ones parting farewell?

    • omawarisan says:

      You can get one at te same time you do your living will. However, I hope you’ll think big. You’re a good man, the sort people are glad to see coming. Let them know you’re getting near by getting a portrait car now!

  4. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    And ultimately, the rocket and that goddawful picture were blown to bits. A fitting end, I’d say. What would have made the whole thing funnier is if the rocket turned around and landed on the car–like in the cartoons where weapons go wrong.

    • omawarisan says:

      Sort of a Wile-E-Coyote scenario. I like it.

      Does it say anything about me that I’m so careless with capitalization in my comments, but I carefully typed Wile-E’s name?

      • Snoring Dog Studio says:

        Oma has far more important things to do than trifling with capitalization. You have an administration to run.

  5. Forgive my lack of originality but LMAO!!

  6. What about a portrait nuclear warhead? Can I get by with that?

  7. Todd Pack says:

    I kind of feel bad for what’s his face. I mean, most people on the planet think his country is a joke, everyone knows the only reason they hired him is because of his dad, so that’s gotta hurt, and, now, he’s failed at something real countries have been doing for 50 years. Seriously, we were shooting these things into space when “Leave It to Beaver” was still in prime time. His self-esteem has gotta be rock bottom (unless they lied to him and told him it worked, which would be a whole other level of fail).

    • omawarisan says:

      I think they lied to him. Right after the rocket went up they unveiled a statue of him and distracted him. That’s how you play dictators. Stuff goes bad, throw a party and give him something cool.

      Remember all the videos of Hussein and people giving him stuff? It was always a sword! And each time his reaction was like “hey, a sword! Thanks guys, this is cool!”

      Those guys were so good at distraction that he didn’t even remember they ALWAYS got him swords. They probably had two of them and just kept re-wrapping them every time something wasn’t working out.

  8. Patty Punker says:

    still laughing about stinky kimchi breath.

  9. You seem rather focused on North Korean current events. Is your administration eyeing real estate interests there?

  10. Lenore Diane says:

    The car makes a second appearance. The photo on the rocket … brillance!

  11. My Odd Family says:

    Stinky kimchi breath. That has to be really bad!


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