Why The North Korean Rocket Launch FailedPosted: April 13, 2012
The world watched with kimchi bated breath as North Korea prepared and then launched a rocket which, if successful, would give that nation the ability to rain destruction down upon nations around the planet. Less than two minutes after the rocket left the launch pad, it broke up and fell harmlessly into the ocean.
So now the world has stinky kimchi breath and one big question – why did North Korea’s rocket explode? I am ready to answer that question for you.
I am also going to show you why the nation’s leader Kim Jong Eun is taking a bum rap for this disaster.
Analysis Of The North Korean Unha-3 Rocket
My close friends know that I wear many hats. Sometimes I wear them because I don’t want to get sunburn. Other times, my many hats are a metaphor for the fact that I know a lot of stuff and hold many titles. One of my titles is Rocket Surgeon. As a result, I’m well qualified to explain this event to you.
Here is a picture of the rocket:
As you can see, the rocket is designed to be pointy at the front just as all good rockets should be. There are some Korean characters on the side, but they are of no consequence to the rocket’s design because I do not know what they mean.
What is really critical is that there is fire shooting out of the bottom of the space craft. Fire shooting out of the bottom of a rocket fulfills two purposes: it moves the vehicle up and forward and it makes it look very cool.
The rocket was pointy, with fire. It had everything it needed for success.
Hey, Do You Remember…?
Back at the end of last year, Kim Jong Il died. Luckily, things were all set up for his son, Kim Jong Eun, to take over the
family business country.
But Kim Jong Eun is taking some heat because this rocket blew up while he was running things. This is hardly fair.
Rockets don’t get built over night. Yes, Kim Jong Eun lit the fuse, but his dad built the rocket. He is the one that messed it up.
During Kim Jong Il’s funeral, there was this really cool old car with his painting mounted on the roof. Remember that? I loved that idea, and declared my love for that car in a very public way.
Keep that car in mind. It is the key to this mystery.
And it is a very, very cool car.
In the first depiction of the Korean rocket, painted not long after blast off, we see what appears to be a very conventional and successful spacecraft. But then something happened that most people didn’t see. That something caused the explosion.
A panel slid open on the side of the rocket and the vehicle deployed a very unconventional feature, put there by Kim Jong Eun’s predecessor. Observe:
The portrait caused structural stress in the skin of the speeding rocket leading to a catastrophic failure of that spacecraft.
A portrait car is a very cool idea. A portrait rocket is not a good idea and may cause your son to take the blame for something that isn’t his fault.