Employees Must Wash HandsPosted: May 2, 2012
Most of you who will read this have never met me. Sometimes, you might wonder what kind of person I am. I’m just going to go on and tell you so that you won’t have that question hanging over our heads when we do meet.
I am the kind of person who washes his hands after visiting the rest room. Soap and water wash, not just rinse and then dry them off on my shirt. We probably agree on the importance of that. Some people don’t, but you and I aren’t the sort to spend time with their kind.
Washin’ And Dryin’ In 3/4 Time
More and more, I see signs with instructions on how to wash their hands. Use hot water. Use soap. Use a towel. The fundamentals. They even specify how long hands should be washed – for as long as it takes a person to sing the Happy Birthday song.
I’m far from being a germophobe. However, I think the presence of people in our society who don’t know how to wash their hands without posters is a major issue. It is a survival of the species level major issue.
Matters concerning the survival of the human race require specificity in their solutions. It isn’t enough to say “sing Happy Birthday”. Some fools will rush through it. And who suffers when they rush through the singing/hand washing matrix? You and I. Not acceptable.
I propose that all hand washing posters be modified to specify that people wash their hands long enough to sing Happy Birthday…at sixty beats per minute, in 3/4 time. That seems about right, don’t you think?
Just Gimme Some Kind Of Sign…
I’m also the kind of guy who feels a mix of feelings when I see a sign in a restaurant restroom that says “Employees Must Wash Hands”.
The sign is insulting. I’m fifty years old, I was raised by good people who didn’t miss the small details. I hold doors for people. I say please and thank you. I wash my hands, just like mom taught me. I don’t need hired help to get my hands clean.
It causes frustration. Frustration that this employee who is supposed to wash my hands is never standing by. If I’m not allowed to wash my own hands in an eating establishment, I certainly should not have to stand around in the men’s room guessing which employee is going to help me. Every minute I that I spend waiting for my hands to be washed is a minute my lunch spends getting colder.
And I’m so bad at small talk. I dread having to chat with someone while they wash my hands. “It’s a beautiful day outside” just seems like a conversation non-starter when it’s addressed to someone who makes a living soaping other people’s fingers and singing Happy Birthday. Don’t even get me started on the body space issues having my hands washed by a stranger causes me.
I hope we can all agree that we should boycott restaurants that hire people who refuse to wash their own hands while insisting that we allow their employees to wash ours.
So, yeah, that’s the kind of guy I am. A hand washing, boycotting guy.
- Wash Your Damn Hands (idonesaidit.com)