Five Routine Minutes: I Control The Minds Of Other People

I like cars, but that is not the point. The point is, I can control other people’s actions with my mind.I’m going to prove it by telling you what happened last week

Here’s the deal:

I go buy a bagel on most mornings that I work.

As I got close to the bagel shop, a car pulled in front of me. It was a Chevrolet Volt, the new electric car. I think they’re interesting. I’ve never run across one and I don’t know anyone who owns one. The car pulled into the lot of the bagel shop. I parked a few spaces down. I remember thinking “I bet that guy is sick of people asking about that car.”

It was a slow day, it was just me and the Volt driver in the shop. He had his back to me as he placed his order. I was next.

He paid. I paid. We both waited. I didn’t say anything. I was just watching the journey of my bagel because I knew he was sick of talking about his car. Then, it happened.


On the outside, I was friendly and engaging. I said that I had, and that I saw it was a Volt. On the inside, my mind had some serious questions.

The guy told me everything about his car. I never asked, he just started telling me. I now know everything about it – how it works, how much it costs him to drive to work, the handling benefits of a 450 pound battery mounted low in the car, even where the french fry is that he dropped and can’t quite reach.

Apparently I’m now able to cause people to answer my questions without asking them. I’ve got a lot of questions about you people and I want answers.

Bend to my will. Answer my questions. You know what they are.

  • Chevy Volt Drivers Average 900 Miles Between Fill Ups (
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32 Comments on “Five Routine Minutes: I Control The Minds Of Other People”

  1. Lenore Diane says:

    Yes. But only once, and I shut the door.

    Man. You are good.

  2. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    Give me just a few minutes to come up with some plausible responses, please. But if you know the answer to the question, “Where did I put that piece of important mail”, please let me know now.

  3. mikegee64 says:

    I did, but it was okay, I just went quick… boom boom boom.

  4. AiXeLsyD13 says:

    It could be that electric vehicle owners are so pretentious that they feel the need to spread the word as often as possible… but perhaps you are a mind control expert anyway.

    Wise you are, in the ways of the force.

    I get the questions thing though. My wife bought a Scion xA in ’05 when they were rather new to the area. People would ask what the hell it was all the time.

  5. Laura says:

    In the back yard, about 8 feet east of the oak tree.

  6. Whoa…that’s amazing! And no, I did not eat chocolate for breakfast. It was a midmorning snack.

    He dropped a french fry? I’m surprised he’s allowed to eat in that car.

  7. robincoyle says:

    I find owners of electric cars rather smug about their electric-car-diness.

  8. We Found Him Captain! says:

    Yes! It is the first left turn after exit 10a. How do you do that? Try it again……Damn! That is the same box I found in the trunk. I can see the leak from here. What??

  9. Hipster says:

    Because I knew you liked pretzel bagels with cream cheese and would want to ask him about his car.

  10. Debbie says:

    Something a bit creepy about a guy telling you all about his car without your having asked. You either have the presence of a very friendly person or the look of somebody interested in buying a new car.

    • omawarisan says:

      I’m not all that menacing. I’m interested in buying a roadster – a Miata or a Honda S2000 or a Toyota MR2.

      Wait, how do you know that, and why did I just start telling you that?

  11. Just be glad he wasn’t driving a red corvette!

  12. In the library
    With a knife

  13. My Odd Family says:

    That’s nice, Dear.

  14. Fourteen, but I’ve been telling everyone twelve.

  15. spencercourt says:

    When you consider the price he paid for that Volt, it’s no wonder he wants to brag on it. I don’t like being on the cutting edge of technology; it has a tendency to…cut you.

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