The Policies Of My Administration: Campaign Signs

I’ve realized that some people have, in the course of reading my policy discussions, developed the impression that I will be running for some sort of elected post. This is not true.

When I refer to my administration, I am discussing how I will be running things from a position that transcends politics. I would not sink to anything as base as behaving like a politician.

I considered giving myself the title Incognito Emperor Of The World, once I take over. After some thought, I realized that the advantages of people knowing that I am running the show are too great to ignore. I’ll be the most cognito guy who ever ruled the world. I’ll put some more thought into my title.

Enough about me. Let’s keep in mind that policy announcements aren’t about me, they are about me dealing with other people who must be dealt with – by me. In the case of this announcement, those people are politicians.

As Tempting As Eliminating Politicians Is…

No one can be everywhere and handle everything. I’ll need someone to pass off some work to. Politicians seem like those someones. I intend to dump all the uncool things down to them.

English: Political campaign poster in Chiang Mai

The lousy bastards are everywhere and so are their signs. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Politicians will still exist. With those creatures come their blight on the landscape, campaign signs.

I’ve never met anyone who said they chose the candidate they’d vote for based on the font and color choices on their campaign signs. Political types seem to believe those people are out there.  If they are out there, I don’t think they are bright enough to read this blog. I should consider putting a blog to appeal to those folks. I’d have to type it much slower so they could sound out the big words.

Since political types and their signs are going to stay with us, I want you to know that they will do so under my watchful eye. Campaign signs that linger around for weeks and months after the election won’t be a problem because I am about to eliminate the issue.

My Policy On Campaign Signs

When I am running the world, politicians will be allowed to post campaign signs, with a difference. The difference is that the signs will have the candidate’s home address printed on the back of them.

Seven days after the election, citizens would be encouraged to uproot any campaign signs that have not been collected by the candidates’ staffs. They could then fold them in half, staple them, and drop them in a mailbox. The post office would them deliver all of the signs to the homes of the candidates. The people who ran for office will be billed for the postage it took to get each sign dropped off at their homes.

Win the election and think you’re too good to pay the post office? Maybe you are, but you’re not taking office until the post office says you’re square with them. Sore loser? Not going to pay? You wont be allowed to run for another office until you do.

There’s my solution. Simple. Effective. Something the people can get behind, not unlike their Highly Cognito And Benevolent Emperor Of The World.


20 Comments on “The Policies Of My Administration: Campaign Signs”

  1. AiXeLsyD13 says:

    I’ve never met anyone who said they chose the candidate they’d vote for based on the font and color choices on their campaign signs. Political types seem to believe those people are out there. If they are out there, I don’t think they are bright enough to read this blog

    Exactly! A sign has never changed my mind on a vote, a billboard has never swayed my opinion on abortion or gay marriage, a bumper sticker has never changed my religion.

    These obnoxious signs are nothing but litter to me. In our area they’ve been joined by signs for concerts (like Beach Boys at the Palace Theater), the “we buy ugly houses” signs, (neighborhood), and more recently a stinkbug removal “expert”.

    People putting these out ought to be assigned to road-cleanup chain gangs. I don’t think our cognito ruler should have to do it.

    • omawarisan says:

      Our legislature has exempted political signs from the laws that govern all those other you name.

      I don’t get the purpose of the signs. Are we supposed to add up who has the most and vote that way?

  2. The Hipster says:

    I was kind of hoping your title would include the words “grand” and “poobah.”

  3. znsinger says:

    ….I *like* it. This is right up there with no dressing up dogs.

    • omawarisan says:

      The no dressing up dogs policy is important. They dont like it, no matter how much their owners insist they do.

      • My Odd Family says:

        Great idea about the signs! There was a policy about not dress up dogs? Forget it. My Rascal adored dressing up. I do keep Rascal nails natural tho and on the short side and I do not own a doggie stroller.

  4. Debbie says:

    I wholly agree with your campaign sign policy, good sir! Nothing like finding those things tattered and lonely along some road long after the election has passed. It’s almost as bad as seeing a whole flock of ’em gathered on somebody’s corner lot before the election.

  5. Linda Sand says:

    Here’s another take on campaign signs I wrote a couple of years ago:

  6. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    I didn’t know about your “no dressing up dogs” policy. Cuz I was planning on dressing up my dogs, taking photos of them, making and hanging up posters in the city and having them run for office. Damn.

  7. Todd Pack says:

    Call me vindictive, but I always favored a fine of $100 for every campaign sign still posted on a public right-of-way one week after the election. This would invariably lead to dirty tricks, where the opposition would steal a candidate’s signs and post them after the election, just so the candidate would have to pay a fine, but, on the flip side, it would encourage candidates to post fewer signs and keep better track of them.

    • omawarisan says:

      No, vindictive and smart are two different things.

      A good strong fine and concern about getting messed around might cause people to run on things like their positions and not on choosing Times New Roman over Comic Sans.

  8. robincoyle says:

    Ha ha! Good point about politicians thinking we vote for them because of their signs. My neighborhood is littered with them!

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