Whose Cuisine Reigns Supreme?

Iron Chef

The Coolest Version Of Iron Chef (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

On Saturday night, I was watching television. That is the kind of wild life I lead. It wasn’t so bad, I was watching Iron Chef.

So it was Saturday and I’m watching Iron Chef. It wasn’t even the exceedingly cool Japanese version. Perhaps it was so bad.

Until that night, if you’d asked me if I could envision myself as a competitor on Iron Chef, I would have had to tell you that I could not. But then came Saturday night and things changed. Perhaps it wasn’t so bad after all.

What My Concern Was

Most of the times that I’ve watched the show, the secret ingredient has been something that falls into the category of “I’m not going to eat that.” “I don’t know how to cook that” is very closely connected to “I’m not going to eat that”. So when I thought about how cool it would be to battle one of the great chefs, I envisioned a very short show:

  • The Chairman: Which Iron Chef do you select?
  • Me: I will battle Iron Chef Michael Symon.
  • The Chairman: Are you ready to see the secret ingredient?
  • Me: Time’s a wastin’
  • The Chairman: It is chicken combs!
  • Me: Yeah. I forfeit.

My confidence in myself as a potential competitor shot up the other night.  For the first time, the secret ingredient was something I can work with – hot dogs.

I’m Not Afraid Of Any Iron Chefs

I’m confident I’d give a good account of myself if I went on Iron Chef and the ingredient was hot dogs. I might even sneak up on an Iron Chef and win our battle.

I’d wow the judges with a dizzying array of hot dog preparations and presentations. A few of my dishes would show some daring, but I’d finish strong with a classic grilled dog on a bun with kraut and mustard. I’d present it in the traditional style, on a paper plate, next to some ripple cut potato chips and slaw. You’ll have to wait until the show airs to see what my hot dog dessert idea is.

English: Ears of corn on the cob with sticks, ...

I can make this. A little butter, a little salt, a little pepper.(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There’s only one conclusion I can draw from the fact that with this notable exception, Iron Chef has tended to choose ingredients like manta ray or hen cheese.

By choosing ingredients that only someone who works in the swankiest kitchens has access to, they are trying to discourage me from competing. I’m no longer afraid to go spatula to spatula with them now that I’ve realized that they’re more afraid of me than I am of them.

I’m issuing a challenge to the producers of Iron Chef. Stop hiding your cooks behind obscure ingredients like poison ivy, latex, and wicker. Bring on some other ingredients like peanut butter, corn on the cob, bacon, or marshmallow. Once you get that done, come find me. I’ll be right here, sharpening my knives and getting ready for my battle with an Iron Chef.

I pity the chef that ends up taking me on in a breakfast cereal battle.


19 Comments on “Whose Cuisine Reigns Supreme?”

  1. We Found Him Captain! says:

    My money’s on you when it comes to hot dogs! I’m waiting to be challenged when the secret ingredients are chicken dander and rooster fleas with Bangalore rice and escarole.

    Just the thought of those pots simmering is making me drool.

  2. Debbie says:

    I watch Iron Chef, too — but I miss the Asian version. Something about the mysterious language and the flashy costumes. You’re right about the odd ingredients, though, and I’m pretty sure you could hold your own if the Chairman chose something more middle-of-the-road than gourmet!

  3. Do you put hot dogs in your mac and cheese? Inquiring minds want to know.

    I’m not sure hot dogs go in dessert. Any dessert.

    • omawarisan says:

      I’m probably going to go with hot dog ice cream. They make a lot of ice cream on Iron Chef.

      I know this is sacriledge, but I don’t like mac and cheese. My son loves it, but I’ve never seen him put hot dogs in it.

  4. Betty says:

    What’s a chicken comb?

  5. robincoyle says:

    You are a master at hot-diggity-dogs. I can see how you would stumble over a latex pancake challenge.

  6. spencercourt says:

    Ah, a kraut dog…at the pinnacle of the iterations of a hot dog.

    I’ve been interested in this season’s Hell’s Kitchen. Chef Ramsey is opening a steak house at Paris in Las Vegas. Winner of HK will become the head chef there.

  7. writerdood says:

    I watch this show every once in a while. Reading this gave me an idea for a video game – Iron Man Chef. You can select your Chef from the Marvel lineup. Hulk, Spider Man, Wolverine, Thor, Ms Marvel, Storm, and the Human Torch. Using your powers, you must turn the main ingredient into an incredible dish! Of course, you’ll have to fight crime too, because while you’re working, Dr. Doom, Doc Oc, Magneto, and Loki will all be out to steal your ingredients, sabotage your recipes, and bend your flatware.

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