The Policies Of My Administration: I Have Legitimate Power

“Listen. Strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords, is no basis for a system of government.” – Dennis, Monty Python And The Holy Grail.

Monty Python & the Quest for the Holy Grail

Monty Python & the Quest for the Holy Grail (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve made it clear that I have an ambitious agenda of policies to put in place once I take power. But only a fool would take being in charge of the world lightly.

You might be able to make the case that I have been foolish now and again, but it’d be difficult to convince me that I am a fool. I’ve prepared for my take over by writing policies and watching for signs that the time is right for me to seize the power that is rightfully mine. Fools don’t spend time writing policy.

Well, some fools write policy; but there are no fools who write policy and watch for signs.

Anyhow, sometimes you find signs where you would least expect them.

Dennis Was Right

Strange women distributing swords is not the basis of a system of government. In fact, I’d say that recent history indicates that the guy in charge being given swords does not bode well for said guy in charge.

“Surprise, Boss, it’s a sword!”
“Oh, Dude, sweet! So unexpected!”
(image via

Remember Saddam Hussein? There’s a guy who got swords all the time. Every time there was a party, someone was handing him a sword as a gift. He always looked surprised, didn’t he? Why did he never say “hmmmm…long, thin, flat package with a handle sticking out of the wrapping paper. This had better not be a sword.”

That guy had a ton of swords. He did not have legitimate power. He also wasn’t so nice. Dennis was right about swords being handed out. If he was wrong, Hussein would be a nice guy who still had a job.

So what is the source of power and legitimate governance? I know what it is, because I now have it.

Look To The Cookie

I wasn’t looking for it when I found it, but once I saw it I knew what I had in my hands.

I had Chinese food for lunch one day last week. I’ve gotten in the habit of bringing my lunch to work, but once in a while I’ll still treat myself. I had Chinese food for lunch one day last week.

Power wasn’t on the agenda that day. I was taking a break from the never-ending grind of preparing my administration. I relaxed and enjoyed my kung pao chicken. It was as I finished my lunch that I discovered the thing that will prove to any who doubt that I am in a position to manage the Earth.

You’d think that an item that bestows absolute power upon a person would be large and very flashy. The fact is, it is very small, subtle and insubstantial. It had to be so to get to me in the way it did.

The source of my power, the reason I’ll be able to take charge of everything when I decide to, arrived in a fortune cookie.

I am the master of every situation.

So I’ve got that going for me. Who needs swords?


21 Comments on “The Policies Of My Administration: I Have Legitimate Power”

  1. Wendi says:

    Clearly, this is your destiny Oma. May the Force be with you.

  2. We Found Him Captain! says:

    What a coincidence! I had Chinese food for lunch one day last week too. Chicken Kon Bo. I would like to be Sec’y of Defense when you take over.

  3. You are the master of every situation? I thought this was common knowledge.

    Btw, I’d like to nominate myself for Minister of Propaganda, if you’re choosing cabinet heads.

  4. Wendy says:

    Anyone who appreciates the above-referenced film classic is clearly worthy of leading us. Obviously, your mother was not a hamster, and I suspect your have lovely shrubbery in your yard.

  5. Linda Sand says:

    Will you have a Minister of Peace?

  6. Can I pass along a few situations I’d like you to master for me?

  7. robincoyle says:

    Never let fortunes in cookies go to you head. It is unbecoming.

  8. Spam, spam, spam, spam! You don’t need a sword, sword, sword, sword to slice it.

  9. Laura says:

    The cookie is mightier than the sword. Tastier, too.

  10. spencercourt says:

    “Seizing” power is impolite…gently hold it. Better yet, have it bestowed upon you by the adoring masses!

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