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Art Criticism: Airbrushed Strabismus

 

People who know me could tell you quite a bit about me. I make different impressions on different people, but there are a few things I think everyone would reach consensus on:

  1. I speak softly, if at all, and they miss significant portions of what I get around to saying.
  2. I think airbrush painting is the lowest form of art ever produced.
  3. I like sandwiches. Especially Cuban sandwiches.

But I digress. We’re here to talk about my latest art critique, not to play six degrees of separation from Omawarisan.

The artist who painted the topic of today’s criticism created this work knowing it would inevitably become encrusted with dead bugs. It is a decorative tag for the front of a car. The unfortunate part for the rest of us is that the patron of the arts that commissioned this masterpiece had it created on a surface so tough it can go through a commercial car wash. Sadly, dead bugs will never obliterate this piece of shame.

Behold

Criticizing The Piece

When you talk about art criticism, I think that most people envision a process that points out the good and bad of a piece. The process will differ here. Criticism, in this case, means just straight mocking.

This is just bad art, commissioned by a person who craves attention. That commission was fulfilled by a hack with an airbrush.

The artist is to blame for this piece of crap. Some might say that the painter simply gave the customer what they asked for. I say that there are laws and social conventions that tell us that we don’t do everything people offer us money to do. It was the artist’s obligation to tell the patron of the arts who paid him that producing this would be an insult to anyone who ever touched paint. That obligation wasn’t met.

Airbrushed Strabismus

I have to wonder why the artist chose to paint the eyes crossed. I don’t know if this is a portrayal of the person who owns the car it is screwed to.  It’s not the most flattering artistic choice. I have a theory that the crossed eyes are a sort of revenge upon the person who paid for this by the artist who felt the shame of being the one to fulfill the artistic vision of a fool.

The inscription “Watch Me” tells me that the artist knew that he was producing it for a person with a tremendous ego. Perhaps he understood that that ego was not justified.

And What Of The Person Who Commissioned This Work?

I took the photo of this plate about two months ago. I still see it on the car. That tells me that the owner hasn’t noticed or doesn’t care that the eyes are crossed. They are so self absorbed that they put forth a defective message of self absorption.

Most people who are worth watching gain attention without asking for it. In this case, we have a person who seeks attention not by being actually interesting. They seek it by screwing an airbrushed request to the front of their car.

To that request, I say no. Please join me in saying no to airbrushing.

While we’re talking art and art criticism, you might want to wander over here and see how one of my recent criticism pieces turned a woman who writes into a man who paints. Yes, there’s actually someone who took one of these seriously!

Remember, if you see art that needs criticism, please snap a photo and send it to me. I promise not to turn you into your opposite gender.

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28 Comments on “Art Criticism: Airbrushed Strabismus”

  1. Debbie says:

    One of the “blessings” of living in a state that requires TWO license plates is that we don’t have to see this kind of trash every day. Unless you count those who traverse our highways, en route to someplace else.

  2. I thought maybe fecal smearing was a lower form of art than airbrushing, and then I saw the picture you just posted. Clearly I was wrong.

  3. Lenore Diane says:

    “Sadly, dead bugs will never obliterate this piece of shame.” Nothing more need be said.

  4. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    Even bugs have higher standards -which don’t involve getting close to that amateurish and cheezy rendering. I always grieve a little when paint gives up it’s life in someone’s pursuit of ill-advised fame.

  5. Ah, airbrushing. I remember when I had t-shirt with an airbrushed cat on it. And the sleeves and bottom were shredded. Butr that was back like 20 years ago when it was cool.

  6. Could it be that the crossed eyes are the character’s attempt to look a himself? If so, that would take this piece to a whole new level of self-absorption.

  7. If the Jolie had a motorcycle I bet it would have some nice airbrush artwork on it!

  8. robincoyle says:

    This line (among others) made me laugh out loud. “Criticism, in this case, means just straight mocking.” Brilliant. It made my eyes cross.

  9. Commissioner to artist: Dude, your artwork rocks! This guy just liked it so much he took a picture of it! Can you make me another one, maybe with green eyes?

    I had no idea how much easier life is with the toilet seat in the upright position. Thanks, bro.

  10. Had I known that was YOU taking the picture I would have introduced myself! Nice city you have!

  11. Wendy says:

    As someone who works in the optometric field, I feel I should comment on this. I confess, however, that I am struck dumb by this… thing. (Not as dumb as those responsible for it, I am happy to report.)

  12. Thanks for the link to Hippie … now a follower!


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