I Am The Coach

Not a candidate for a medal in Women’s Gymnastics (public domain via wikimedia)

Women’s Olympic Gymnastics. I don’t understand much about them.

I know that if you are eligible for a driver’s license, you’ve aged out of the sport. Although gravity is a big part of the sport, falling is frowned upon. Scoring is done using a subjective judging system. In all events, it is important to “stick the landing”. There will be no extra steps taken upon landing without points being deducted.

There’s one other thing that I know about women’s gymnastics, but I don’t understand it.

Eventually, This Guy Will Show Up

Most coaches provide guidance in a sport that they’ve had some personal competitive experience. My high school track coach was a life-long runner. I’ve never known a major league baseball manager who’d never been paid to swing a bat.

Hey, sweatsuit, why don’t you let the paramedics do that? (image via americanathletemag.com)

At some point during the Olympics there will be a Bela Karolyi sighting. Mr. Karolyi is such a fixture in Olympic gymnastics that even I know who he is. Remember when that gymnast did that jump thing with a broken leg a few years ago during The Games? That coach who carried her off? Karolyi.

Let’s look at the iconic image of that moment. Look at the coach. I don’t think that guy has ever competed on the balance beam. Imagine him doing that thing where they swing over the top of the uneven bars and smack their abdomen into the lower bar. Not a pretty sight, is it? No, it isn’t.

According to Wikipedia, Mr. Karolyi has been a coach in international gymnastics since 1974. How is this possible?  There isn’t a way for him to have had any experience in the sport that he shapes athletes to compete in.

Don’t People Get Interviewed For Jobs?

I have been interviewed every time I’ve gotten a new job. I sat down with someone who asked me things like “what experience would you bring to this position?” I was able to connect my previous work with the job I aimed to earn. I was able to do that because I had participated in something that was somehow similar to the job I wanted.

Karolyi has had a career in women’s gymnastics. He could not have told an interviewer that he’d competed in the sport. I can’t imagine what he would have said to get his first coaching job.

All This, And I Own A Whistle

If not having any applicable experience is a qualifier, I too am an Olympic coach. I am completely not qualified. That makes me a perfect candidate.

How’d Todd Rundgren get in here? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Do you know who the coach of the Brazilian Women’s Team Handball team is? I am.

Here is a list of my qualifications:

• I’ve never competed in Team Handball
• I don’t know the rules of the sport
• I am not a woman
• I’ve never been to Brazil
• I am not in London
• I don’t speak Portuguese
• I have carried injured women
• Bossa Nova is popular in Brazil. I have the album where Todd Rundgren re-does his hits in the Bossa Nova style

Hey, Brazil, where’s my sweat suit?

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