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I Am The Coach

Not a candidate for a medal in Women’s Gymnastics (public domain via wikimedia)

Women’s Olympic Gymnastics. I don’t understand much about them.

I know that if you are eligible for a driver’s license, you’ve aged out of the sport. Although gravity is a big part of the sport, falling is frowned upon. Scoring is done using a subjective judging system. In all events, it is important to “stick the landing”. There will be no extra steps taken upon landing without points being deducted.

There’s one other thing that I know about women’s gymnastics, but I don’t understand it.

Eventually, This Guy Will Show Up

Most coaches provide guidance in a sport that they’ve had some personal competitive experience. My high school track coach was a life-long runner. I’ve never known a major league baseball manager who’d never been paid to swing a bat.

Hey, sweatsuit, why don’t you let the paramedics do that? (image via americanathletemag.com)

At some point during the Olympics there will be a Bela Karolyi sighting. Mr. Karolyi is such a fixture in Olympic gymnastics that even I know who he is. Remember when that gymnast did that jump thing with a broken leg a few years ago during The Games? That coach who carried her off? Karolyi.

Let’s look at the iconic image of that moment. Look at the coach. I don’t think that guy has ever competed on the balance beam. Imagine him doing that thing where they swing over the top of the uneven bars and smack their abdomen into the lower bar. Not a pretty sight, is it? No, it isn’t.

According to Wikipedia, Mr. Karolyi has been a coach in international gymnastics since 1974. How is this possible?  There isn’t a way for him to have had any experience in the sport that he shapes athletes to compete in.

Don’t People Get Interviewed For Jobs?

I have been interviewed every time I’ve gotten a new job. I sat down with someone who asked me things like “what experience would you bring to this position?” I was able to connect my previous work with the job I aimed to earn. I was able to do that because I had participated in something that was somehow similar to the job I wanted.

Karolyi has had a career in women’s gymnastics. He could not have told an interviewer that he’d competed in the sport. I can’t imagine what he would have said to get his first coaching job.

All This, And I Own A Whistle

If not having any applicable experience is a qualifier, I too am an Olympic coach. I am completely not qualified. That makes me a perfect candidate.

Todd Rundgren performs @ WorkPlay

How’d Todd Rundgren get in here? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Do you know who the coach of the Brazilian Women’s Team Handball team is? I am.

Here is a list of my qualifications:

Hey, Brazil, where’s my sweat suit?

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35 Comments on “I Am The Coach”

  1. List of X says:

    It’s possible that a mustache and an unpronounceable last name also required qualifications, but I don’t know if you are meeting those. I don’t remember seeing a mustache on your self-doodles.

  2. ♥ Gymnastics. I’m not sure how Károlyi does it because your right he has never competed but he has coached nine Olympic champions, fifteen world champions, sixteen European medalists and six U.S. national champions. I would say that makes him a pretty good coach or he has an extremely good eye at picking out talent. 😯

    What is your favorite Olympic sport? We are heartbroken that pingpong is not be televised. 😐

    The emoticons? I thought you might like them 😛

  3. I’ve wondered the same thing to years. Thanks for the morning laughs. It goes with the old saying, “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach.” Sorry, teachers.

  4. Debbie says:

    You’re right, that Bela Karolyi seems to have been around forever. The big question is, How has the guy managed not to age in nearly 40 years???

  5. As long as you can carry an injured woman around. Maybe that’s the whole requirement.

    Can you still do that? After your surgery and all?

    • omawarisan says:

      I can still do it after my surgery. My doctor said my neck is stronger that it was before. Sometimes I lift things using only my neck just to prove it. Most women won’t stand still for that though.

  6. Linda Sand says:

    Didn’t he coach Nadia Comanichi? (or however her name is spelled) I know I’m dating myself but I remember her as being the first one that got a medal for being perky. Can you coach perky?

  7. robincoyle says:

    He is the Dick Clark of gymnastics. Never ages.

  8. You’re hired!

    I can’t keep Bela Karolyi and Bela Lugosi straight, so I try not to talk about them in public, It’s like how Ron Paul is always confused in my mind with Rue Paul. For a little while, I thought the Republican primaries were going to get interesting.

  9. I want to see this, particularly if you intend to dress as a gaucho when performing your official duties. Is there a petition I can sign?

  10. pegoleg says:

    I saw Karolyi being interviewed yesterday and I thought “he’s been around for-EV-er.” He was waxing indignant when the top-rated women’s gymnast was knocked out of the competition because of how they do the scores.

    Personally, I don’t think Todd Rundgren gets enough air-time on oldies radio stations. I used to love him.

  11. We Found Him Captain! says:

    Did you know that 30 years ago the College of Cardinals voted for Karolyi to be the next Pope? He turned them down because they insisted that he wear that stupid pointed hat and could not be seen in public wearing gym clothes. Oh! And he had to stop hanging around at YWCA’s in Poland and join the YMCA instead.

  12. We saw Bela being interviewed just yesterday. It’s uncanny how much you know about stuff.

  13. Betty says:

    I’m now obsessed with following links and trying to hear the bossa nova version of Can We Still Be Friends.

    Bela=creepy.

  14. You need to watch the movie Stick It. There’s a scene where the gymnasts imagine the judges doing gymnastics…in their ugly blue suits, it’s beautiful. I really doubt any of the judges were ever gymnasts either.

  15. The man is a legend. I don’t know how he does it. Gymnastics is a sport that requires unnatural movements of the body, so maybe there’s something to having a coach whose vision has never been limited to what he could remember or even imagine himself doing. And with subjective scoring, it’s not about pushing someone to cross the line first, it’s about how many increasingly difficult elements can be expertly executed within the time frame and apparatus — and with grace.

    On the other hand, I don’t know jack about gymnastics. I was a track girl.


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