When I Am Rich: My Personal Physician

I admit that some things I plan to spend my vast blog income on are a little frivolous. I don’t feel the need to apologize for that. When you have money rolling in the way that I will (any time now), a bit of extravagance is alright.

The last time I considered my vast (projected) blogging wealth, I had some music playing. An Elvis Presley song came on. Ahhh… Elvis. There was a guy who could spend some money foolishly.

I considered the life of The King, and his sad demise. You can’t consider Elvis’ end without thinking of his personal physician. Rich people have personal physicians. I’m going to need one too.

But Things Didn’t End Well For Big E

English: Elvis Presley meeting Richard Nixon. ...

He’s caught in a trap, he can’t walk out. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Having a personal physician did not go so well for Elvis or Michael Jackson. Both of those guys were in their to go boxes way ahead of schedule. In both cases, their doctors were said to have played a role in their employers death.

The doctor on my staff will be more of a sidekick and member of my entourage. The fact that my sidekick will have the title doctor will add to my credibility. I’ll leave it to the doctor whether he or she wears scrubs or a lab coat with a name tag. What is critical is that it be very clear that I have a physician at my disposal.

I want to be able to provide my doctor’s services when I decide it is beneficial. If I were at a meeting and someone had a headache, I might have my doctor treat them on the spot…or not, depending on how the meeting was going.

Sometimes people call out, “is there a doctor in the house?” I’ve never been around when it has happened, but I’ve seen that happen on television, so I suppose it happens in real life. When it does, I will leap to my feet and say “I have one!” My personal physician will jump into action. I’ll go back to whatever I was doing.

Elvis And MJ Didn’t Plan Like I Do

Elvis and MJ both went to early graves at the hands of their personal physicians. I’ve considered that, and have a foolproof way to keep my from accidentally killing me.

My doctor will be part of my inner circle, constantly around me. We would be too familiar for a doctor/patient relationship. Doctors can’t treat people who they’re that close to. So, while that person will be my personal doctor in the possessive sense, they will not be my treating physician. No treatment = no prescriptions = not ending up like Jackson or Presley.

It’ll be nice to awe people by saying “I have a personal physician on staff”. When my friends can’t come out and play because a family member is ill, I’ll send my doctor over. That will free up my friends and we can go stir up trouble. I’ll also be able to respond to the call for a doctor in the house with no personal commitment. It will be like being involved in what is happening, yet not.

Wealth has its privileges!


20 Comments on “When I Am Rich: My Personal Physician”

  1. Very solid plan but I think you have more to consider…. What kind of doctor? General Practitioner, Cardiologist, Ears, Nose, throat, Psychiatrist, Chiropractor…..Will this doctor have permission to treat you if you are choking to death or be limited to only treating a friend that is choking to death? Just some random thoughts….

    • omawarisan says:

      I think the doctor (a GP) will be able to treat me if the rest of the entourage realizes that they will be unemployed if I’m not treated right then. If I say “I can’t sleep” and the doctor offers to give me something to help, my entourage will immediately eject the doctor from my presence. I can’t sleep seems to be how it starts to go awry.

  2. You are too modest. I suggest you start planning your “staff.” In addition to the doctor, you need a chef, masseur, driver and pilot. You’ll probably need someone to handle crowd control and a PA as well. You might want to start writing up job descriptions for those people as well.

  3. Laura says:

    Your friends and family will love you for this. “Oh, you’re sick? I’ll send my personal physician — the one I don’t trust not to kill me — to check you out.”

    • omawarisan says:

      You make that sound so negative. Alright, it isn’t because of you specifically. It might be because it sounds negative.

      How does “I’ll send my personal physician, who I don’t trust not to kill me, but is perfect for you” sound? A lot better, right?

  4. When I think about Elvis, I think about peanut butter and banana sandwiches. But I digress….

    Although one rarely, if ever, hears a call for an accountant in the house, you might consider this same policy vis a vis your financial manager in consideration of your pending vast fortune.

  5. Blogdramedy says:

    I like this idea! For one thing…an on-call doctor for Oma is a relief to us all. For another…you’ll never have to wait in a waiting room ever again.

    Well played. For me personally, I’d have a hard time not screaming out, “Doctor, doctor, give me the news…I have a bad case of lovin’ you.” Because, obviously, my doctor would be Karl Urban. 😉

  6. Debbie says:

    You’re right that Elvis and MJ went too soon. If I were wealthy, I don’t think I’d want a personal physician. Something wrong with having folks around who, if they get angry with you, can bump you off and make it look accidental. Perhaps I’m writing too many “kill ’em off” stories!

  7. jmd5717 says:

    You might want to consider having multiple doctors in your entourage. Because what happens when some yells “is there a doctor in the house” when your initial doctor is the one that is down ailing? That is when you step in with you back up doctor, boom problem solved, crisis adverted.

  8. Why not hire Dr. House? He can follow you around making up all kinds of obscure illnesses. People would think you’re a bit eccentric, but you’ll be so rich that no one would dare question it.

    • omawarisan says:

      Hmmm. I like that. Maybe part of his terms of employment is that he has to declare anyone he treats a bubble boy (or girl as the case may be) at my bidding.

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