On Julian Assange’s Choice Of The Ecuadorian Embassy

Julian Assange, who may now be more famous for being a fugitive than he ever will be for founding Wikileaks, has chosen the Ecuadorian embassy in London as a refuge. The British authorities want to arrest him; the government of Ecuador won’t allow them in to do it.

English: Julian Assange, photo ("sunny co...

Assange (Photo credit: Wikipedia, public domain)

I’m ambivalent about Mr. Assange and Wikileaks. It is hard to keep evil from taking root if secrets are never exposed. But flinging secrets around willy nilly isn’t a good idea.

I am not ambivalent about Assange’s choice of embassies to hide in. Ecuador’s was a fantastic choice.

Do You Know Who Lives In Ecuador?

Ecuador is a fine place, populated by nice people. I’ve never met anyone from Ecuador that I didn’t like. Some of those nice Ecuadorian are Incas.

The Incas are why Ecuadorian embassies a great choice for desperadoes on the run. Why? Because Incas are bad asses. No one, not the Brits, not the Americans, not the Chinese, not even the Micronesians want to take on the Incas.

Ecuador is never at war. They don’t have drones. They don’t have bombs, atomic or smart. Such hardware isn’t needed. They have Incas; no one wants to scrap with them.

They Say This Cat Shaft Is A Bad Mother…

Elementary school social studies taught me that the Inca played a game that was a mix of basketball and soccer. The goal was a stone hoop mounted twenty-seven feet up on a wall. They used a ball made of rock.

At the end of the game, they killed the losers and the winners got all their stuff. Keep in mind, this was just a game. Recreation for these folks was a game where the players could lose everything, and then lose everything.

Some Incas, just chilling. (image via wikimedia, public domain)

I’ll bet someone is thinking “the Incas are tough, but what about the gladiators in Rome?” If you are that person, please imagine me looking at you dismissively. The Romans forced slaves and prisoners to fight. The Romans didn’t do the fighting.

Saying the Romans are tough because they watched gladiators is like saying someone is tough for watching a hockey game

The Incas made up their high stakes sport so they could play the game themselves and have Mesoamerican fun.

They say that cat, Shaft, is a bad mother…but no one has to say it about the Incas. It is a given.

But Wait, There’s More

Most of the South American west coast was Incan turf. Gathering that much territory isn’t easy to do.

It isn’t easy unless you do things like this:

The people who were already living in the valley fought hard to keep their land, but Mama Huaca was a good fighter. When the enemy attacked, she threw her bolas—several stones tied together that spun through the air when thrown—at a soldier, or gualla, and killed him instantly. Mama Huaca ripped out his lungs and squeezed them until they exploded. The other people were so scared, they ran away. – Wikipedia

That is scary. The first time I read that story, I ran away from my lap top. The people who saw the actual event had every reason to run away. Consider this – the lung bursting killer in this story is some Inca’s Mama.

You might think your mom is tough. I’ll bet she’s never squeezed anyone’s lungs.

The Answer Is: No One

Who is going to go into that embassy in Britain and walk out with Julian Assange? Police? No. British Intelligence? They’re called Intelligence because they are not fools. Commandos? Don’t be ridiculous. No one is going in to get him without an invitation.

Our self-preservation instinct is far too strong. Sensible people do not want to go into a building that is secured by basket-soccer death game players and their lung bursting mothers. This situation will have to come to a negotiated resolution. Mr. Assange will be in that building for a long time.

I’ve leaked the secret. Assange chose the best possible embassy to hide out in.

Well played, sir. Well played.

14 Comments on “On Julian Assange’s Choice Of The Ecuadorian Embassy”

  1. Sounds like they need a seasoned hostage negotiator–you busy this weekend??

  2. See? This is the problem with Wikipedia.

    Mama Huaca’s entry egregiously omits the fact that she invented hockey. It was originally played with pointy sticks.

    Partial information can be dangerous, especially when you’re dealing with lung bursting.

  3. Blogdramedy says:

    Ecuador has been coming up in conversation lately. Sounds like a beautiful place for a vacation but no one has mentioned Inca Mom. But I do recall a Buffy, the Vampire Slayer episode with Inca Mummy Girl that was quite…life sucking.

    Coincidence but I watched “Gladiator” last night. Great minds and all. 🙂

  4. Wendy says:

    Oooh, I want a Mama Huaca Halloween costume this year! Everybody will be scared of me!

  5. Pie says:

    Mama Huaca… I’m scared…

  6. […] Last week, I wrote a post that pointed out that if you are a fugitive seeking an Embassy to hide in, Ecuador&#… […]

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