If I Ran The Presidential Debates.Posted: October 10, 2012
Political debates are meaningless rituals.
The debates don’t tell us how either man works under pressure. They know roughly what the questions will be. The environment is strictly controlled and formatted.
Our jobs aren’t like that. We don’t know what is coming next. A president should have to show the ability to work like we do – in uncontrolled situations. I’ve got ideas that would make the debates watchable and give us a better reading on how ready these fools are to lead us.
At the last debate, both men came out in suits. That’s pretty conventional. I did think it was ridiculous that Mr. Obama wore a blue tie to show that he represents the Democrats and Mr. Romney wore a red one because he is the Republican. Did they think we’d mix them up? Come on, prematurely grey African-American with big ears, Obama. Caucasian robot with a hair helmet, Romney. We don’t need color coded ties.
They both wore suits. Oooh, risky. They work in suits every day. Besides, even I can look presidential in a $4000 suit. Alright, $4,500, but that’s my last offer. Not a cent more.
I could learn a lot about them if they both came out in clothing that they had no idea they were wearing until they arrived at the debate site.
If I were in charge of picking out what the candidates were wearing for the next debate, I would have them dressed for a Greco-Roman wrestling match, including the headgear. No, I don’t want them to wrestle. I do want to see them recover from the feeling that they look ridiculous and give solid answers to what they’re asked.
Both candidates have to wear make up for television.
Once they’re finished in the make up room, I would like to have a neutral person come into the room and write something on each man’s forehead. Imagine the debate starting, with each man able to see what his opponent’s forehead says, but having no idea what their own head says.
Can Romney address a complex policy issue with the distraction of seeing “sponge cake” written over Obama’s eyebrows? Can Obama counter, if he has to read “silly putty” over Romney’s face? Which man will get the giggles first? The one who the situation angers loses my vote instantly.
No one works in a distraction free environment. That’s why I would have a sensory overload debate.
Both candidates would wear headphones through which they would hear the questions I’d ask them.When they answered, sometimes I’d let them hear themselves, sometimes I’d play music on the headphones so they couldn’t tell if they were yelling or whispering. At least once per debate I’d ask a question, let them start answering, then ask another question. No matter which question they answered, I’d take points away for answering the wrong question. I know there are no points, so I’d take eleven thousand points away just to tick them off.
Flashing lights, thrown objects, distracting images, and anything else I can think of to disrupt the candidates would be fair game during the sensory overload debate.
You might ask why it is so important to stress the candidates out in this way. I want them stressed because unexpected interruptions happen to presidents all the time. Whichever candidate wins might plan a day to work on the economy. Oh no, here comes some craziness from North Korea and he’s got to pardon a stupid turkey before meeting with the people who
bribed him contributed to his campaign! What was that thought on the economy? Sensory overload is the best way to simulate a hectic and unpredictable presidential work day.
Political debates are nothing but a series of lies and talking points. Giving me control of the debates would make them more of an indicator of job performance and so much more watchable.