Five Routine Minutes: Strangers With Toilet Paper

I looked in my rear view mirror. The man in the truck behind me had several things on his dashboard. One of them was a half roll of toilet paper. They’ll give anyone a driver’s license these days.

Should we have to share the road with a driver whose digestive system is so unforgiving that he can’t make it to a place that has toilet paper?

If it wasn’t distracting to him, it certainly was to me. I had to wonder how awful it must be to ride with someone with that problem.

The brakes would yank the truck to a stop on the side of the road. He’d grab his toilet paper and use the truck to hide himself from traffic. Bewildered, I’d stay in the truck. I’d look in the mirror, trying to figure out what was going on. I’d soon find out.

He’d get back in the truck as if what he just did was normal.

Stuff to clean his hands was not as prominently displayed. I have to believe he didn’t have any.

Fortunately, I don’t know the guy. He’s out there. He’s probably not the only one driving around with toilet paper.


33 Comments on “Five Routine Minutes: Strangers With Toilet Paper”

  1. This is scary. I used to carry a roll of TP in my car to wipe off the windows and mirrors. I wonder what people who rode with me were thinking!

  2. Wendy says:

    Here is a more charitable scenario…
    The guy’s friend calls him from a public restroom, where (s)he discovers too late that there is a lack of t.p. He grabs the roll from his bathroom, and is on a mission of mercy when you spot him in your rearview mirror.
    Or, he could just be a former Boy Scout – Always Prepared.

    • omawarisan says:

      I have my kidney list friends, who I’d give a kidney just because they wanted it. Toilet paper friends may be a new class…people I could call and say “I’m in the bathroom at X, I need paper”.

  3. Laura says:

    Ooh! Special effects!

    I’m going to tell myself he uses it to blow his nose.

  4. It certainly takes any romantic notion out of hitch hiking on the side of the road.

  5. We Found Him Captain! says:

    I am familiar with the type of eruption depicted by that picture. My preteen aged son was the originator of just such an eruption many years ago. His problem was not a lack of tp.

    The smile of satisfaction on his face when he got back into the station wagon was one I will always remember. He left behind a four day buildup which he needed to expel but could not do without hospital assistance. He was the only boy to actually manufacture lava and proved it.

  6. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    He’s better prepared than most of us, I guess. Besides, I truly despise gas station restrooms.

  7. It’s like the old Boy Scout motto: Always be prepared.
    Better than using leaves from the side of the road. 😛

  8. Maybe he’s unusually sensitive and needs the toilet paper to wipe his eyes when he bawls after someone cuts him off in traffic. Maybe.

  9. Blogdramedy says:

    *snort* Once again I have to “wipe” my face of all the tears of laughter. You and Shouts. Both fixated on the number 2.

  10. Lenore Diane says:

    You crack me up. I’d like to thank the guy in the rear-view mirror for inspiring this post. I don’t suppose he had a magazine rolled up in the hole of the toilet paper did he?

  11. Debbie says:

    Toilet paper, seriously? I’ve heard of traveling with Kleenex, but a roll? Hmm, it IS nearing Halloween. Perhaps he was gonna use it to “TP” his girlfriend’s house? Or maybe it was a left over souvenir from when his girlfriend “TP’d” his house? Hey, I’m grasping for straws here — just can’t stand the thought that he might have a REAL problem, ha!

  12. patty punker says:

    i don’t keep my tampons on the dashboard. christ, have we lost all decorum? “personal” hygiene dude!

  13. Michelle Gillies says:

    I think of a man’s dashboard much like a woman’s purse. Open a woman’s purse and you may find a roll of TP or some kleenex or at least a wad of napkins. We have all had the misfortune of walking into a restroom and finding nothing to facilitate the wipe. You have to have a back up plan. Of course you most certainly will also find some kind of hand sanitzer in a purse as well. So, the guy has issues either way.

  14. Betty says:

    You know, it takes a special mind to take a rolll of toilet paper on a dashboard to the place you did. Like other readers, my first thought was something more innocent such as substitute tissue box or windshield cloth. But your mind took it to colon blow territory.

    • omawarisan says:

      First off, kudos on the colon blow reference. Very strong!

      Going where I did is a very Zen experience. When I am completely blanked out and see something like that, bam, guy with colon blow.

  15. spencercourt says:

    Since I grew up in Manila, my thinking is that he…liberated…that toilet paper from a bathroom and counted his blessing that he found it to begin with.

    In Manila, do NOT enter a public toilet in a public place, such as a mall, because the probability is that there is NO paper there. It’s been liberated!

    And what happens to it? They take that roll to a public rest spot on a busy highway and then set up a table outside the restroom, where they sell that toilet paper *by the sheet* to those who forgot to bring their own. I know because I saw it. But I had my own….lol!

  16. I’m trying to discern if the drawings were done on toilet paper? I suspect that man may have met my grandfather and was hoarding rolls; Grandpa’s rule: “One square for #1, and two squares for #2!” Is it any surprise that he grew up during The Great Depression? Do we want to know how he knew how many squares people were using? No, no, no. We don’t want to know that. But back to the guy with the roll on his dash. I guess we could say he’s an *** wipe? (Sorry, can’t resist the potty humor.)

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