When I Am Rich: My Giant Straw Christmas Goat

The Gävle Goat

The Gävle Goat, asking for it. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As my vast blog wealth starts to come in, I am still planning how to spend it. Planning is the responsible thing to do, even for someone like me who plans to spend it irresponsibly.

The other day I read an article about a town in Sweden. A headline about how the town’s giant straw Christmas goat keeps getting burned made it a must read. Just as I think many of you would, I thought “well of course it does.”

So, If You Don’t Want It Burned…

The giant straw goat is a Christmas tradition in this Swedish town. Inexplicably, the goat is not intended to be burned. This begs the question “hey Bjorn, have you thought about a plaster goat?” It seems that Bjorn and his friends have not, because the goat typically burns down before Christmas.

If you have connections to the great nation of Sweden, I hope you’ll encourage them to include fire in their tradition or exclude straw as a building material.

I intend to replicate the tradition here. I will spend part of my blog fortune commissioning the construction of a straw goat. The year after that initial test goat, I’ll commission goats all across North America.

Every one of my giant straw goats will be burned. The primary reason for this is because they are straw goats. It just wouldn’t be right for something like this to be built and meet its end in any other fashion. The other reason is charity.

Goat Arson For A Good Cause

In each of the towns where I have a goat built, I will hold charity events surrounding the construction and destruction of the animal. Local residents will help build the goat. I’ll have a program similar to a walk-a-thon where people can ask their friends to sponsor them as they work on the goat. Two bucks for every hour each person puts in to goat building will add up quickly.

Rectangular hay bales_0006

Hay, be careful with that match.(Photo credit: Bobolink)

A torch raffle will be the biggest fund-raiser of these projects. The winner of the torch raffle will set the goat ablaze. I’ll even throw in the ignition method of the winner’s choice. Fireworks, electricity, gasoline, flaming arrows or anything else the winner chooses as their implement of inferno will be theirs.

There will be merchandise for sale at all my goat burning events. Attendees will be able to purchase t-shirts, mugs and gasoline cans with the logo and name of the event – “Get My Goat” – emblazoned upon them. There will also be items with the event motto – “Hay! Be careful with that match!” – for sale. All proceeds from the raffle, build-a-thon and merchandise will go to a charity particular to the town where the event is held.

Loving Sweden, Even Though They’re Silly

Saab Sonnett. You didn’t make one for me, Sweden, but I like it just the same. (image via wikimedia)

Sweden, even though I think it is very silly to build anything out of straw and expect that no one will burn it, I love you. You gave us vikings, Saab, Volvo and Dag Hammarskjold. I’m especially thankful for that girl I dated in high school. Seriously, thank you.

You’ve given me a new reason to thank you. While I still think a straw goat is very silly, it is a tradition that will help me raise millions for charity… as soon as my blog makes me fabulously wealthy.

Here’s a video of this year’s goat doing what it did best.


24 Comments on “When I Am Rich: My Giant Straw Christmas Goat”

  1. List of X says:

    Thousands of people come every year to the middle of the desert for the Burning Man festival. I’m sure you could get at least as many for your Burning Goat event,

  2. bryan says:

    Why have we not.done this all over America? Burning straw pigs in NC, burning straw crabs in MD, burning lobsters in ME, burning cheese in WI, burning weed in CO?!

  3. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    That is just hilarious! 26 times! Well of course it’s going to keep getting burned! Why not? And what’s wrong with those people? Haven’t they ever heard of a weenie roast?

  4. Todd says:

    I clicked through that video one frame at a time. One frame, the straw goat is fine, the next, it’s COMPLETELY ENGULFED IN FLAMES. Also, Gävle sounds like a line of bookcases at Ikea.

  5. Michelle Gillies says:

    You would think they would make the goat out of whatever that frame was made of. It didn’t burn. Originally I would have guessed it was a wood frame but the thing did not burn.
    I look forward to you bringing your goat burning events to Canada.

  6. Debbie says:

    I’ve never heard of this straw goat “tradition,” but I think you’re right that of course it was going to get burned. Seems like a harmless-enough activity, all things considered. Unless you’re the goat. Then it gets too hot for comfort.

  7. I would like to sign up to be the marshmallow-stick vendor. Naturally I would also have graham crackers and chocolate bars for sale. I could make a donation to a kids charity.

  8. robincoyle says:

    I find it rather amusing that the firefighters bravely fight to save the goat, even though it is a goner. I bet the sentence “Goat arson for a good cause.” has never before been written.

    Since my blog is making me millions, would you care to float a loan with me?

  9. Blogdramedy says:

    I wonder if the goat’s name is Billy.

  10. […] by the sight of last year’s Christmas Goat in flames, I wrote a post proclaiming that when writing this blog made me rich I would commission straw goats a…My goats would be constructed and burned for charity. These charity goat events would be called Get […]

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