I Predict The End Of The World

Harold Camping in 2008

Harold Camping in 2008, before his end of the world.(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Mayans, or the people reading their calendar, were wrong. Wacky fundamentalist Harold Camping? Wrong.

Everyone else who has predicted the end of the world was wrong. I’m wrong a lot, but I’ve never predicted the end of the world. It is only fair that I take my turn. If people who are wrong get to predict the end of the world, I am as qualified as Camping or the Mayans.

So, I’m going to predict the end of the world. Allow me to give you a few things to watch for between now and September 30, 2013, also known as the day the world ends. As these things occur, they will be a signal to us all of my prophecy’s validity.

Signs Of The End Of The World

  • A man will look forward to watching a sporting event on television. Before that game begins, the power will go out at his house. He will then choose to go to a bar to see the game. The cab fare home will be $20.13
  • Someone will buy a very large bottle of olive oil. Later, they will say they won’t buy that much again because the fear of dropping it and cleaning all that up outweighs the economic benefit of the bulk purchase.
  • Against their better judgment, someone will answer the phone even though they do not recognize the number on the caller ID.
  • Small spoon

    A spoon could be a sign of things to come. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    In a home, a spoon will fall in the food disposer in the sink. The disposer will be running. The noise the spoon makes will sound like the world is ending, but it won’t be. Not yet.

  • An actor will die. You (yes, you) will realize that you knew his face, but never his name.
  • An amateur fisherman will reel in his line. The line will have two hooks on it, each will have a fish on it. He will express amazement. Someone else will say “why do you think there are two hooks?”
  • A pizza delivery man will arrive at a home. He will have enough cash to make change, but he wont know how to do it.

Did you count how many signs are in my prophecy? Seven. Coincidence? I don’t think so. I know people put a lot of stock in that number. Only a fool would predict the end of the world and not base it on seven things.

Don’t Look At Me Like I’m Some Mayan

Yes, September 30, 2013 is the end of the world. Watch for the signs and believe my prophecy.

You should believe me and start making whatever preparations you feel are appropriate for the apocalypse. Remember, you’re not dealing with some wacky Mayan fundamentalist preacher. The person issuing this end of the world notice is me; I’m a non wacky, non preachy guy, with a poor grip on the fundamentals of life.

Go on, have a little fun. Enjoy yourself. New Years Eve is coming, party like it’s 1999. Then start getting stuff ready for the end. Spread the word. I’m the opposite of the guys who’ve been getting it wrong. I’m so very right. Spread the word with confidence, it’s happening this time.


30 Comments on “I Predict The End Of The World”

  1. Margie says:

    …isn’t that your retirement date? 😉

  2. benzeknees says:

    Can I count on this date? I want to go out & spend my kids inheritance, but not unless the world really is going to end. 🙂

  3. I’ll mark my calendar. Knowing me though, I’ll forget all about it until sometime on the 29th, and then I’ll be all like “Crap! I wrote that down so I wouldn’t forget, and I forgot anyway” By that time, I’ll likely have little luck buying batteries, bottled water or something sassy to wear for the end of days. I’m going to stop paying my mortgage and use that money to hire a personal assistant – preferably a really smart one with great legs.

  4. Thanks for the heads up.

  5. This is great! I don’t even have to pretend to do any Christmas shopping!

    Now, will there be a big ka-boom, or are we going to have to deal with giant bugs?

  6. You couldn’t arrange it to be like, oh I don’t know August 29 or something. Now the world will end and I will have celebrated another birthday.

  7. I won’t do any laundry that week … just in case.

  8. Laura says:

    I’m usually pretty skeptical of end-of-the-world predictions, but I have to agree with you on this one — September 31, 2013 will never come.

  9. T E Stazyk says:

    This time I’m really going to max out my credit cards!

  10. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    I’ll mark my calendar, but you must mark my words: If the end doesn’t happen, I will ridicule you just as I have ridiculed all the rest who deigned to predict! Unless you really are talking about your retirement and then in that case, I’ll throw a party!

    • omawarisan says:

      Oh no, I’m talking end of the world.

      However, since I am one of the most senior people in my organization (top ten out of 1900) I am going to work things out so I’m off on the day the world ends.

      Ahhh, retirement…happy, scary, happy, scary….

  11. pryan51 says:

    I LOVE your seven signs 😀

  12. I was with you till this one and I quote, only because I can copy and paste: ” A pizza delivery man will arrive at a home. He will have enough cash to make change, but he wont know how to do it.” Why? because the basic math generation meets the “enter total amount here” generation. That is a reality not a sign……that’s a sigh.
    Great post Oma!

    • omawarisan says:

      Very true. I always get the guy who isn’t prepared for me to pay with a twenty. The pizza is $15, what does he think I’m going to say “do you have change for a $17 bill?”

  13. Ms. PC says:

    Most logical reasoning for an apocalypse prediction that I’ve read. I’m sold. Guess I’ll go max out my credit cards.

  14. planetross says:

    I hope you are wrong because I don’t think all 3 Hobbit movies will have come out by then.

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