The Fifteen Dollar Snow ConePosted: January 14, 2013
A few nights ago, an old friend told me about a recent movie going experience. She related, as anyone does when they talk about going to the movies, how much she spent for popcorn and a drink. But while we stood chatting about the injustice of movie concession prices, a greater travesty was being committed a few feet away. What could be worse than a $10 bucket of popcorn at a movie? A $15 snow cone at an event promoted for children.
Gouging Or Robbery? You Decide.
Yes, a snow cone – shaved ice and fruit flavored sugar-water in a cup, with a spoon. Fifteen dollars. To be fair, I have to tell you that price was for the large snow cone, the small was twelve dollars. Also, the price included a souvenir cup, a plastic spoon and a napkin. One napkin.
People bought fifteen dollar snow cones as quickly as the vendors could scoop the precious frozen water into the wonderful souvenir cups. Most handed them over to their children, but a few bought one for themselves.
Still others got in line, ordered, then realized they were being gouged. This put them in an agonizing position. Pay the outrageous sum or face disappointing their child after standing in line for the privilege of doing so. No one walked away empty-handed. All walked away fleeced.
I Have Standards
As I watched, I wondered what would make a snow cone worth fifteen dollars to me. My first thought was to have it served in The Holy Grail, but I don’t suppose that would be dishwasher safe. I don’t need a souvenir I’m going to have to hand wash, so The Grail is out. So are The Stanley Cup, The America’s Cup and all other major sporting event trophies. My fifteen dollar snow cone starts with a conventional cup – paper if the location calls for that, glass otherwise.
The ice would be the finest available. No commercially frozen water for me. Only free range ice would do in my luxury snow cone. Until served, the ice would be kept at the proper temperature in a container with a hole in the top. After I ordered and paid, the vendor would reach into that hole to begin assembling my treat. Before he did, he would have to say “thank you sir, I’m going to reach into my ice hole and get some ice.” The imagery of that phrase doesn’t do anything for me, but I think anyone involved in serving fifteen dollar frozen water should have to humiliate themselves.
The fruit flavors would come from fresh fruit juice, squeezed to order by natives of the place where the fruit was grown. So, if I were to order a pineapple and banana flavored snow cone, a Hawaiian and a Costa Rican would step up and squeeze the fruit they flew in with that morning.
Finally, if I bought this snow cone at a large sports arena, I would be carried to my seat on a large sedan chair borne by at least six people. A seventh person would walk behind the chair, singing a scat song that others would somehow understand was about how I made enjoying cold tropical fruit flavored ice look good.
Until someone is ready to provide that sort of service, I will be keeping my fifteen dollars. I do like the idea of being accompanied to my seat by a scat singer. I’d pay twelve bucks for that, and they can keep the snow cone.
Za bap, ba doodle do-weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!