I Adopted Manti Te’o’s Girlfriend’s Cat

I remember the moment like it was yesterday; it was yesterday. A talking head on ESPN, the text below him parroting the hard truth he was speaking. “Manti Te’o’s girlfriend never existed.” It was the moment I knew I’d been hoaxed.

Mr. Te’o, the best player on a great college football team, became an inspirational figure by playing on in the face of the passing of his grandmother and girlfriend on the same day. So many of us felt for the kid.

Manti Te’o’s girlfriend’s cat that is mine now even though I haven’t actually seen him. I named him Ghost, after Te’o’s girlfriend. (public domain, wikimedia)

I didn’t know how to help. Then, late one night, it hit me. She probably had a pet that was left behind. It was probably a cat. I’ve never had a cat, but I would have this one and raise it like my own.

I Had A Cat…

After some internet research and a few calls I heard the words I was hoping for from an animal shelter worker: “yeah, we’ve got Manti Te’o’s girlfriend’s cat and you can adopt him. We’ll fly him right out.” It sounded like he said something about a nut job as he hung up, but I can’t be sure.

I waited, but the cat never arrived at my home. Still, I heard he existed and I’d seen pictures of the cat, so it was my cat. I fed him and emptied the litter box. I never quite figured out what breed of cat it was that I had, but he was very tidy, never shed and apparently never had bowel movements.

Oh, the good times I’ve had with that cat over the last few months. You wouldn’t guess that I could have so much fun with an animal I’ve never actually met, but believe me, I did.

…Imagine That.

But now the news is that Te’o and his girlfriend never actually met. According to him, they “met” online. They communicated by phone and chatted on the net, but the meaning of met is a little skewed nowadays, isn’t it? Let’s leave it as they “met” on the net, but they were never in the same place.

Then she “died” and we all had sympathy for the guy. That is sympathy, without quotation marks. We had sympathy for the kid, for the loss of a woman he’d never really met because now he says she never really existed, someone else fabricated her. Alrighty then.

Was he in on the hoax? I don’t know. There are more than a few inconsistencies in the tale.

I just know that I’m stuck with this “cat” I adopted from a woman died though she never lived.  I’ve been “feeding” it for a couple of months now even though I’ve never seen it. My suspicions are aroused.

“Way to go, Manti. Play like a champion today.”

For those who need to catch up on this story, here is an animated version from in Taiwan. It makes everything clear. Don’t miss the part at 1:30 – disturbing.


37 Comments on “I Adopted Manti Te’o’s Girlfriend’s Cat”

  1. robincoyle says:

    The story about his “girlfriend” is stranger than fiction. I don’t believe a person qualifies as a girlfriend if they’ve never met in the true sense of the word. What is wrong with people. By the way, your “cat” is shedding on your sofa.

  2. shoutabyss says:

    Absolutely brilliant. Almost perfect. The headline read correctly until the word “cat.” You should have adopted the girlfriend herself. Better luck next time. 🙂

    I wish I had your imagination. 🙂

  3. I think you’re making this up. Not only that, but I’m beginning to suspect you are not a robot cartoon character. All of this just doesn’t add up.

    • omawarisan says:

      I thought I was a robot, but now I realize I was the victim of someone’s sick joke.

      And to think, it was all driven by my desire to have people say “Domo Arrigato, Mr. Roboto” to me.

  4. I don’t know know why anyone would doubt him. He’s a Heisman finalist, from an exotic island, and gets more camera time than the Alabama QB’s girlfriend. Of COURSE he’s dating a girl online like some kind of fat, 7th grade loser. I’m certain that there are no girls in South Bend who wanted anything to do with him. He had to turn to the internet to find true love, then lose it, then find out he never had it at all.

    As the dorm poster says, ” If you love something, set it free. If it never comes back, tell your friends it died of leukemia”

    Good luck with the cat.

  5. Wendy says:

    That shelter person missed out on chance to unload a deserving homeless cat or two. Then at least someone would have had a (real!) happy ending.
    Oh… unless the shelter wasn’t real? Good grief! I got my dog from Pet Finder, and all these years, I thought she truly existed. Dang!

  6. That video made me cry. You’re a good man, Oma, for taking in that cat. There is a dog across the way (rat dog) who would love to come live with you as well. Shall I send him? Please?

    • omawarisan says:

      Wasn’t the video…ok, I don’t have words for what it was, but wasn’t it that? I mean, leprechauns giving him a beer enema?

      I can’t pretend a rat dog would get along with my cat, Ghost.

  7. List of X says:

    Omawarisan, may I ask you if you are able to read my mind? Just yesterday, was writing a post about a conspiracy involving me and my cat, and you even had the same joke I was planning to use. I’ll still post mine eventually, but this was eerie….

  8. Laura says:

    I’m kind of disappointed you didn’t use a picture of my cat.

  9. k8edid says:

    The video was disturbing in many ways, especially the part where he decimates the MSU Spartan players on the field (only an alumna would notice that part, I guess).

    I had a student tell me that she couldn’t take an exam because her on-line boyfriend had been hospitalized (they also had never met). I’m going to add “My on-line boyfriend has been hospitalized/injured/killed” to my list of excuses to use when calling in sick, even though I am married and no one answers the phone when I call in…

    • omawarisan says:

      It’s weird that they decided to be accurate about the team they played when his grandmother died.

      Maybe there is something to this online thing as an excuse generator. I can appoint myself as a brother to everyone who reads this. Every Friday I’ll post that I’m hospitalized with a different malady. That will get everyone a three day weekend.

  10. writerdood says:

    That’s a cool cat. I’ve seen cats like that before. They’re mellow until you get them riled, then the claw the shit out of everything. These are the kind of cats coyotes are afraid of. Raccoons give them a wide berth. Other cats run or die. You’re the proud owner of a killer. Don’t get rid of it. It will probably take revenge.

  11. Debbie says:

    The Internet gives kids a whole new way of begging for sympathy/forking over excuses, doesn’t it? Used to be, “My dog ate my homework” would suffice. Now we have a whole football team, excited alumni, and thousands of students rallying behind a story of a dead girlfriend who never existed. Sad that something this sick was lapped up by a public eager for a feel-good story. Sadder that it casts a shadow over the entire university.

  12. You have the best cat in the world! Can I share that cat?

  13. dufmanno says:

    Everyone on the internet who is finally faced with the terror of meeting someone in person either dies in a sudden accident or contracts a fast moving disease.
    By the way, if I die, you are obligated to come to my funeral. No excuses.

  14. benzeknees says:

    I’m allergic to cats & don’t like them much anyway, so if I had to have a cat this would be the kind to have.

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