When I Get Rich: My ZamboniPosted: February 6, 2013
I like to get out in the world and I love to drive. I suppose that might be why so many of the things that I plan to buy with my vast (and still impending) blog wealth are vehicles. I’ve decided to add to my fleet by purchasing another unconventional mode of transportation.
I’m going to buy a Zamboni. Yes, one of those machines that we see at ice rinks and hockey arenas.
You might wonder why a man like me would need a Zamboni. Most of my blog wealth selections aren’t about needs, they’re about wants. I want to travel and arrive in style. Nothing says style like a vehicle with a sheet of ice trailing behind it.
Yes, I Know
Some folks are going to hang up on technical details here. I am aware that these machines do not shoot out a sheet of ice. What these sticklers for what they call truth are not taking into account is that the money I’ll spend to buy my Zamboni is not their money. Since the cash will be mine, I can spend as much of it as I choose. I choose to spend until my research and development department produces a machine that will lay down a layer of ice wherever I go.
And going is what I will do on my Zamboni. The decision on whether I will make ice as I go will depend on how big a hurry I am in to arrive. Arriving on a Zamboni, ice or no ice, is always arriving in style. Of course when I arrive as I am making ice, I will arrive in even more style.
Making ice will allow me to be a more relaxed driver. I’ll have time to acknowledge all the Blurt fans who spot me on my plaid Zamboni. My relaxation will come from not being tailgated. Only a fool would tailgate me on an inch of fresh ice. I won’t even look in the rear view mirror except when I’m changing lanes or parallel parking.
I’m Sure They’re Nice, I Just Don’t Like What They Do
If I did look behind me, I would see the figure skaters I hired to follow in my icy wake. Where there is ice, there should be skaters of some sort. I don’t like figure skating. I suppose the people who do it are probably nice enough. I’ll bring them along because I don’t think I’ll have wide enough ice for more than one hockey player. Arriving without skaters leaves me open to ridicule. I do not choose to spend and be ridiculed.
Like so many of the purchases I will make with my blog wealth, the Zamboni will be fun. It will also help promote the blog, thus increasing my disposable income. Imagine the news coverage my arrival in your town’s center (throwing Blurt t-shirts into the crowd) will garner for my blog. For me, it is a win-win situation and I am the twice the winner.
And as a bonus, a video I shot on Friday while watching a game with my son..