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Five Routine Minutes: Mall Kiosk Guy

In the past few years, what was a really nice mall added little kiosks down the center of all its walkways. After realizing that I could no longer go to this mall without being accosted by the merchants that operate these kiosks…

…I emailed the mall twice to express my dislike of this sort of marketing.

After I got no response, I opted to shop elsewhere. My money is too hard-earned to be spent in a place too good to acknowledge my existence. I’ve stuck to that, except for a recent occasion when that mall was the only source for something I needed. Because I went back on my vow, I got reminded me why I no longer go to SouthPark Mall in Charlotte.

My plan was simple: go in, make the purchase, get out. I walked like a man with a purpose.

I’m still a man. Whether I have a purpose is still up for discussion

I zipped by the hair straightener woman, and several other people who were staffing these free-standing shops. Looking ahead, I saw the guy at the electronic cigarette kiosk lock onto me like he was Top Gun. I took evasive action by moving farther away. When he called out “my friend”, I did not look over at him. So he stepped in front of me. As tempting as it was to walk through him, I stopped.

My answer was simple, truthful, and designed to end the encounter in the nicest way possible.

Some people do not take hints.

I smiled. I shared a few thoughts that I will not depict here. He moved.

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39 Comments on “Five Routine Minutes: Mall Kiosk Guy”

  1. List of X says:

    Can you please share your thoughts in the comments? I don’t smoke either, I also go to the mall, and I notice than avoiding eye contact with kiosk sellers just doesn’t work as well as it did before. If you can’t share every word, maybe you could just hint which percentage of these thoughts consists of F-words?

    • omawarisan says:

      Ok, one f-word.

      I asked him that if I were going to start if he thought I might have started before I was an old man. I also told him he was not allowed to even look at me when I came back through.

      I cracked myself up with that last part, because after I walked away because I can’t exactly do anything about it. He is the only person ever banned from looking at me.

      • Pie says:

        I’m trying to work out where the f-word fitted in this exchange. It could’ve slotted into either sentence. Anyway, it did the job, so well done!

  2. benzeknees says:

    I gave up shopping a long time ago – I can’t stand all these kiosk vendors they’ve allowed in now. Besides if we want to support our country’s economy small boutique stores are usually locally owned & operated & we should do our shopping there.

    • omawarisan says:

      The kiosks are becoming more prevalent. I’d be fine with the principle of them if they’d just let me approach them if I’m interested. The hair straightening thing was ridiculous. If you could see how short my hair is…

  3. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    I rarely ever go to the mall. But when I do, I go into one store and never ever go into the mall area. That’s almost the only way you can avoid the kiosks. You have to find a store with an entrance to the outside and skip all the other stores completely. That’s not good, because the Sees Candies store lacks an outside entrance. But I can knock over e-cig selling kiosk dudes. Oh, yeah, I can.

  4. planetross says:

    What’s an electronic cigarette?
    … crap, I’m asking the guy who didn’t find out.

    • omawarisan says:

      I think it is a device that allows you to inhale a dose of nicotine in a way that simulates the act of smoking. Smoking is banned here in most public places. They’re marketing them a lot, but I don’t see a lot of people using them.

  5. My hands are not dry. i don’t need a hair piece. I do not have acne. I prefer my hair curly – as does my husband. I too do not smoke, nor do I feel the need to start. And I want to be surrounded by a super strong scent I will simply walk past Ambercrombie and Finch.

    Meanwhile, I’m sticking to Target. For now. Them customer’s are turning CRAZY.

  6. Mrs. Shouts from the Abyss says:

    I just made Mr, Abyss upset. I started laughing at your first drawing and kept laughing all the way through. He walks by me and says “what’s so funny?” “laughing at Blurt’s post”. Then he says in his 14 year old voice “I’m really jealous, you ALWAYS laugh at this posts, you never laugh at MINE!”

  7. shoutabyss says:

    “You could start smoking.” Please tell me he did not say that!!!

    /sad

    What you should have said was, “Ah, gee, so tempting but no thanks. But, good news for you, I’ve been thinking about flinging my own poo. Now is as good a time as any to start.”

    My son the gerbil recently told me how he had a “career” and was a “manager” at the ground floor of a new company. That’s big news from someone who dropped out of high school and never bothered to complete the formality of a GED.

    His job? Working retail at a mall kiosk. Next time you’re there stop by and tell him “hi” for me! 🙂

    Brilliant post. When I heard the roaring laughter from the next room I hightailed it here for my morning pick-me-up. I was not disappointed.

    • omawarisan says:

      Yes he did! As much as I hate these people approaching me, I was trying to just be nice about things. When he said that, I felt it was ok to not be nice.

      I like the poo flinging thing. You’re tempting me to make a trip to the mall.

  8. I avoid the mall as often as possible because of those kiosk people.

    I wonder what would happen if you walked like a man with a porpoise.

  9. Todd says:

    I’m just waiting for one of those kiosk guys to lose control of his little remote-control helicopter and hit me with it. What it happens, I’ll sue the kiosk owner and the mall and take my settlement money and buy that ’66 Batmobile I’ve always wanted.

  10. Debbie says:

    Oh, this brings back the memory of when I got “accosted” by one of these kiosk people at a mall other than ours. She grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go! Yes, they’re getting terribly aggressive out there — glad you’re doing your part to keep them at bay!

  11. ryoko861 says:

    I want to hear the words you couldn’t depict. 🙂 I just keep walking, if they get in my way, guess what? They fall. They’re fault. Should have moved out of my way.

  12. So you are not going to start smoking? I am unclear on this. You could be passing up a real opportunity!

  13. robincoyle says:

    That is why I bring mace with me when I go to the mall.

  14. omawarisan says:

    Hey, just for what it is worth, I tweeted this to the mall. Guess what? They didn’t answer.

  15. Most of our shopping here in Brooklyn is in stand alone shops along the avenue – like old time Main Street. But I would liken this experience to the perfume spritzers in Macy’s. They stand in the aisle and ask you if you want to smell like a scent of musky-oaky-fruity-lavender infused summer’s day. What? I don’t even know what that means and I certainly don’t want to smell like it.

  16. Pie says:

    Mall kiosks: the reason why you shop online.

  17. I must say the kiosk people at are mall could care less about selling anything. They are so busy with their smart phones the rest of us do not exist. Nice!
    I do wish you would enlighten us on what you said to a person mental deficient (read stupid if one must) enough to say ” you could start smoking” to move…… Great post Oma!

  18. spencercourt says:

    Wow…I am rarely accosted by any of the mall kiosk folks. Maybe I don’t look like a “buyer…” or maybe they really don’t care about selling because they’re not the owner and are paid hourly with no sales bonus / commission.

  19. […] Five Routine Minutes: Mall Kiosk Guy (blurtblog.net) […]


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