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When Is Easter?

English: Two rows of yellow and pink Easter Pe...

You call them Peeps, I call them a clue. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Because my current occupation requires that I work holidays, I tend to lose track of when most of them are coming up. There have been times when I wasn’t even sure when the 4th of July was held. Let me give you an example of my job-induced holiday ineptitude.

One spring day,  I ran into a friend who worked in a church. “I’m so busy this time of year” he said, “things will settle down again once I get through Sunday.” My steel trap of a mind snapped into action and came up with…nothing. Yes, I had no idea why someone who worked at a church would be busy in the spring.

So I asked him “why this Sunday?” Because he is a decent, kind man, he did not question my intelligence or point out that I was certainly bound for hell. He just said “it is Easter.”

Oh, yeah. It is a given – I am doomed to eternally roast for that one.

Why Is The Date A Big Secret?

Easter is to blame for my embarrassment that day. Few know when the holiday will fall from one year until the next. My sources tell me that the real reason Pope Benedict XVI resigned is because he was embarrassed at being unable to keep up with when Easter is.

Computus table using Runic alphabet

Computus. Pretty clear, huh? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Some would try to convince you that the date of Easter is determined by something called computus. That is a lie. I had computus about three years ago. The itching was terrible, and I couldn’t keep food down. It gave me a terrible case of the hives, but no insight as to when Easter was to be celebrated.

There is but one group of people who actually know when Easter is from one year to the next.  That group are the owners of companies who print calendars. They get together every five years and make up when the holiday will be celebrated. The dates are written on a piece of paper and locked in a safe. The general public is prevented from knowing what the date of the holiday is until calendars are printed for the upcoming years.

By setting themselves up with a monopoly on the secret date of a date much of the world holds as sacred, calendar manufacturers have protected their industry. Unless we buy paper calendars, none of us will be able to make vacation plans around Easter.

Breaking The Monopoly

Until we take control of Easter from the calendar monopoly we will all be forced to realize that the holiday season is upon us via the two primary methods I use –

  • being embarrassed by a member of the clergy
  • seeing that marshmallow peeps are for sale in the stores

Here’s what I propose we do to get the date of Easter back into our hands. First, we all agree that a fixed date be selected for the holiday. This is a no-brainer. Easter celebrates a specific incident that happened on one particular day a long time ago. It does not celebrate a specific incident that happened sometime between early March and late April.

Lucky Number Generator

Is it 4? 10? 28? (Photo credit: Jeremy Brooks)

Once we agree on the need for a fixed date, we have someone we all trust choose the date. I nominate myself as that someone. I will choose the date using two of those lottery number machines – the ones with the ping-pong balls with numbers on them.

The Easter Date Selection Show will be broadcast around the world via satellite. I’ll appear on the set with my two lottery machines. The first machine will have two balls in it. One will be labeled March, the other, April. After the month is selected, I’ll use the machine with 31 numbered balls in it to choose the date.

From the night of the Easter Date Selection Show forward, Easter will be celebrated on the lucky date chosen by my ping-pong ball machines and me.

New Years Day is always January 1, U.S. Independence Day is always July 4, Christmas is December 25.

Easter deserves equal treatment.

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23 Comments on “When Is Easter?”

  1. As long as peeps are available right after Valentines Day, I’m fine with a set date for Easter, however keep in mind you also need to consider the dates for Good Friday, Holy Thursday, Palm Sunday, Lent, Fat Tuesday and Mardi Gras and for some Easter Monday. And really, Spring break should be considered when picking the date. Did I imagine it or were you also applying for Pope job? This could be one of your first tasks if you get the job-just be sure to tweet the message to the masses. Easter is March 31, 2013.

    • omawarisan says:

      I am applying for Pope. I think it isn’t a coincidence that the job came open the way it did as I’m wrapping things up with this first career.

      So you’re thinking that when we do this, we still should keep to the Sunday format to keep the other days in line. I can work with that.

  2. benzeknees says:

    I think it should be more like Thanksgiving, where the date is: the third weekend in March or the first weekend in April. Some formula like that. If you pick an actual date then you are messing with Good Friday & Easter Monday (4 day weekend). That’s my opinion anyway.

  3. lbwoodgate says:

    Good, now start working on a fixed date for daylight savings time.

  4. This plan works for me.
    Please let me know the date as soon as possible as there is an Easter Bonnet to be purchased.
    I’m not Catholic but I think you would make a great Pope.

    • omawarisan says:

      Go with 3/31 this year. I’ll let you know when the selection show is going to be on. There will be a lot of entertainment leading up to the selection of the date.

  5. I agree! I always think Easter is in April, and then it sneaks up on me in March. If Easter doesn’t have a set day, then other holidays will think they don’t need set dates. Santa will start delivering presents in July. It’ll be holiday anarchy!

  6. Blogdramedy says:

    Before you do anything “rash” I suggest you talk to the rabbit. The bunny has a stake in this, too.

  7. Debbie says:

    I understand why the date for Easter changes from year to year (http://catholicism.about.com/od/holydaysandholidays/f/Calculate_Date.htm), but on a practical note, I empathize with what you’re saying. In Illinois, the weather is so changeable that we never know what to wear for Easter services — snow boots and coats, mittens, sun dresses and bonnets (do ladies still wear Easter bonnets??) So you’re onto something. Now shouldn’t you be in Rome for the conclave??

  8. While we’re on the subject, which Thursday of November does Thanksgiving lie on and when does Hannukah start this year?

  9. Todd says:

    The only way I I know Easter is coming is when the Cadbury cream eggs and Whopper robins eggs appear at Target.

  10. I think this is a noble gesture on your part. Sadly, it will make no difference to me; despite the predictable dates of holidays like Halloween, Christmas and cinco de Mayo, I still can’t come with a good costume, finish shopping in time or develop a taste for Corona.

  11. I am fine with this selection process with one single caveat. Cadbury must produce the infamous Cadbury Egg and put it in all stores 30 days prior to the date.

  12. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    We need you, Oma, to restore some sanity. Thanks to retailers, I’m convinced that Christmas is in September, July 4th is in June, Halloween is in August and Thanksgiving doesn’t exist. Easter? I thought it was in February. I’m lost.

  13. Betty says:

    I just decided to stop celebrating Easter about eight or nine years ago. Inevitably I’m reminded when I decide to go shopping in that day and discover that all stores are closed.


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