When I Get Rich: My AnnouncersPosted: March 20, 2013
As my cash flow from Blurt increases, my spending will increase with it. I plan on being extravagant and wasteful. While some of the purchases I have planned can also be used to promote the blog and make me even richer, all of them are ridiculously excessive.
My latest idea is to have my own announcers. Their job will be to provide commentary on my activities as they happen. Two announcers will be just right because I want them to follow the pattern used in sports announcing – one will do “play by play”, reporting exactly what I’m doing. The play by play announcer’s partner will be the “color commentator”. The color man will discuss how I do the things the play by play reports on.
Play By Play: Oma has pulled into the bagel shop for breakfast again. He rarely misses a day. He’s greeting several patrons. They seem to be discussing something…is it…yes, it’s the weather. Oma’s trying to explain why he left his jacket in the car on a cool morning.
Color: Ha ha ha, they always catch him on that. Oma is especially forgetful this early in the morning.
Play By Play: He’s at the counter to place his order, but look! The order is already prepared when he gets there!
Color: Very exciting, Jim. That’s the kind of thing that happens when you order the same thing every day. You young breakfast eaters at home can learn something from this. Decide what you want and stick with it.
Not everything will be as exciting as my breakfast. Just like sports, my life ebbs and flows. Sometimes there is excitement. Other times, there is a meeting.
Play By Play: Well, Oma seems completely disinterested in this meeting, if you look at his facial expression. If you look at his pen, though, you’ve got to believe he’s fired up about the new concept the boss is pushing. It seems that he is taking a lot of notes.
Color: Or doodling. I spoke to Oma in the locker room before work started today. He said something about having just flushed more knowledge on the topic than this clown will ever have.
Play By Play: You may have something there. Reports from inside the meeting room are that Oma has just doodled a baseball diamond in the margin of his legal pad.
Even though it seems like I am, I’m not always at work. The routine things still have to be done. My announcers wouldn’t miss out on that kind of event either. If they did, well, there are other announcers in the sea.
Play By Play: Oma is reaching for the 48 count box of granola bars. That’s a lot of oats!
Color: Well, fiber is the key to regularity.
Play By Play: Good point, Lyle. That came out easily. You know, the fans have to wonder about the wisdom of Oma showing up at Costco in a Miata. You look at the cart, you look at the car and you think that something doesn’t add up.
Color: The old ten pounds of crap in a five-pound bag…
Play By Play: I’ve never understood why that is an expression.
Color: I don’t either, but it brings us back to fiber and to Oma getting all this stuff into the car – which he always does without straining!
Play By Play: True. And who can forget how he got all the gifts and an apple pie into the little roadster on Christmas Day?
Having announcers will make every part of my day feel exciting and important. The decision on whether tonight’s dinner comes out of the wok or the crock will sound almost life or death-ish. Extravagant? Sure. But with the kind of money I expect to come pouring down on me any time now, extravagant won’t be a problem. I’d even say that extravagance would be expected.
Play By Play: Oma really wrapped up the idea of having us around, didn’t he?
Color: He sure did. A real Shakespeare, that guy is. For sure.
I like this idea. Maybe I need a radio station too.