The Blurt Blog 2013 Press ConferencePosted: March 29, 2013
Hello, and welcome to our live coverage of the third annual Blurt Blog press conference from spacious Blurt World Headquarters. We expect Omawarisan to make his entrance very shortly.
There has been an air of anticipation around Blurt Headquarters as the date of this event approached. Things have been polished, additional security is in place. Omawarisan has fired three staff members this week for interfering with his preparation for this event. Sources tell me that his preparation has consisted of watching college basketball and pre-season baseball games.
Oma is starting down the very, very long hall to the podium. I’m trying to recognize the song that is playing in the background as he makes his way up the hall. My producers are telling me that it is Allen Toussaint’s recording of “Everything I Do Gonna Be Funky”.
He seems to enjoy making a big entrance. There’s no real urgency to the way Oma is coming toward the podium. We’ll take a minute to remind you that this is the third annual presser for the author of this obscure blog. He’s published Blurt since February of 2009; tens of people read every post. Omawarisan is about to step up to the podium, he is wearing a 1953 Hiroshima Carp baseball jersey, shorts, and a cap with a hot dog on it. Ladies and Gentlemen, Omawarisan.
Hi everyone, thanks for coming. Please be seated.
It is important that I start these events by thanking each of you who read Blurt. I can’t seem to drive you off even though I keep writing. Thank you, thank you…and thank you.
We’ll start with the questions in a moment. For those of you who’ve not attended one of my press conferences, let me explain how this works. You can feel free to ask about whatever you want to, as long as you don’t want to ask about politics or religion. Don’t feel constrained to topics that you believe I might know something about. If everyone sticks to things that I know about, you’ll quickly run out of questions.
Ask your questions in the comment section. Keep checking back, I’ll answer them as quickly as I can. Feel free to ask follow-up questions if you have them. I’ll answer questions until the next post goes up on Monday.
Let’s get rolling then. Who has the first question? Wait, that was a question and the answer is apparently me. Which of you has the next one? Alright…you…hi, thanks for coming…