I Have Seen My Future And It Is Lasagna

On Saturday, I went to a farmer’s market. That’s the kind of guy I am. A guy with a wild, wild life. I walked around and spoke of sweet potatoes with people who wore bib overalls.  Not everyone can maintain my lifestyle and its demanding pace.

Nederlands: toetsopgave over lasagne

Mushrooms do not belong in lasagna. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I wandered the aisles and bought…lasagna. You might wonder why I’d make that choice. It is mostly because I didn’t want ravioli as much. Pasta with squid ink was also available. I didn’t want that at all.

Yelling In A Convertible Is Not A Private Act

While I gave my dinner a ride home, my mind wandered. I found myself pondering my future. But this time, my pondering was productive. I yelled “AHA!”

I’m not certain why I yelled. I was alone in my car with the lasagna. Yelling about my breakthrough wasn’t sensible. I already knew I’d had a great idea. The lasagna didn’t care and the woman in the next car looked at me as if I was insane.

Maybe I shouldn’t think with the top down on the car. I have no reasonable expectation of privacy.

The Breakthrough

While I drove, I realized that my future was sitting right there on the passenger seat. The lasagna. Farmer’s market lasagna. I could become a lasagna farmer.

Meadow View

Imagine this meadow, filled with peacefully grazing lasagna (Photo credit: Kaibab National Forest )

Twenty-eight years of police work has taken a toll on me. Fresh air, sunshine and quiet time are the best medicine for repairing the damage the job has caused me. Spending time in the fields tending my lasagna would heal my spirit, keep me occupied and supplement my retirement income.

Only a fool would think that the life of a lasagna farmer is always idyllic. I am not that fool. I understand that wolves would prey on my flock. The lasagna are especially vulnerable while they’re tending their young in the spring.

Poachers would cut into my profits too. And then there are the futures markets. Some commodities trader’s error could deflate the price I’d get when my flock was ready for sale.

What Kind Of Guy Am I?

Despite the pitfalls, lasagna farming appeals to me. I’d love the chance to sell my product at local farmer’s markets. I’d proudly tell my customers that my lasagna was free range and organic. I’d assure them that there were no added hormones and that the lasagne were processed in a hypoallergenic facility.

One day, I’ll consider branching out into raising ravioli. The lessons I learn on my lasagna farm will make my ravioli ranch an efficient money-maker from the start. But my heart will stay where my farming life started, in the lasagna fields.

I’m glad I made my trip to the market. I didn’t get any vegetables. I left with my future in the passenger seat.

That’s the kind of guy I am.


32 Comments on “I Have Seen My Future And It Is Lasagna”

  1. Laura says:

    I think a lasagna farm would really suit you. Either that or a garlic bread orchard.

    • omawarisan says:

      I think it would suit me too. I’d love going back to my farm house at the end of the day and wash the bolognese out of my overalls.

      Wash the bolognese out of my overalls could sound dirty.

  2. benzeknees says:

    I thought maybe I cornered the market on the garlic bread orchard.

  3. List of X says:

    Lasagna farming is a very risky business. What if there is a cold snap? A reheated lasagna just isn’t as good as fresh.

  4. Class idea – on your way to a million

  5. Don’t spend too much time worrying about wolves but if Garfield the cat finds a way into your fields he could wreak havoc. Don’t be fooled by his sleepy looking eyes, he can eat some serious lasagna – I should know, I used to have his calendar.

  6. lbwoodgate says:

    Lasagna farming, eh? Sounds pretty “cheesy” to me.

  7. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    Whatever you do, then, don’t ask a dog to guard the lasagna herd. I’ve seen the results of that. It’s not pretty. Will you allow “pick your own” days?

  8. You would definitely want to move to a warmer climate so you could have an extended lasagna season.

  9. Debbie says:

    To prevent people thinking you’re weird and talking to yourself, you might try one of those bluetooth phones that hook onto your ear. That way, you can merrily talk away, and people will realize you’re conducting high-powered business! Perhaps buying lasagna babies??!

  10. There really is nothing better than free-range lasagna. I think I have some seeds I can send you.

  11. Don’t quote me on this, but I think I read somewhere that Chef Boyardee’s best AHA! moments occurred behind the wheel of a ’72 MG.

  12. Agreed: mushrooms do not belong in a lasagna. Comforted by the fact that you know that, I’m ready to let you proceed with your new career.

  13. This sounds like a brilliant idea. With a holistic approach, you could rear and slaughter the oregano nearby, plant some casserole dish seeds in the next field and build a cheese aviary. Sorted.

  14. Blogdramedy says:

    Mmmm….squash ravioli. A close cousin to pumpkin I know, but not close enough to stop me offering you my services as a “taste tester.”

  15. planetross says:

    I was going to grow spaghetti trees at one time, but a big herd of lasagna would make me like Clint Eastwood in all those spaghetti westerns … with less spaghetti and more lasagna.

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